My New Favorite Quote

"I’ve worked under tyrants and I can say that I’d prefer to work under a talented, knowledgeable tyrant with a successful plan than a directionless gladhander with a ouija board any day of the week."

-- Comic writer Chuck Dixon,
talking about his recent break with DC.
Source

Book Report: Haunted

OK, I'm still reading the Women of the Otherworld series when I'm in the mood. And I'm still waiting for a book that's half as good as Bitten was.

Remember way back when when I talked about Industrial Magic and I mention just how freaking annoying Paige is? Yep, still annoying.

Luckily, we don't get to see much of her this book. Instead, we get ghostie Eve, who's got to cut into her schedule of stalking her teenage daughter and rejecting the love of her life (for no good reason) to pay back the debt she owes to the Fates.

They set her on the trail of the Nix, a part-demon serial killer who's been body hopping and raising hell for a couple hundred years now.

While I enjoyed Eve and Kristoff bopping about the afterlife looking for a murderer, and the sequences in the pirate village, a very unusual hell for the worst of the worst and the Scottish castle were inspired, the story started to drag every time the author created another reason for us to visit Jamie Vegas, or Paige, or ... yeah, we get it. Big world. For the most part though, unless I'm getting to see the werewolves or more Kristoff, enough with the cameo parade.

But this isn't just a job for Eve, it's a trial -- one that could change her afterlife forever if she succeeds. Is a half-demon ghost witch ready to become a full-fledged angel? And since the angels she's meeting are all boring, snippy or incompetent, why would she want to?

Overall, this wasn't a bad turn-your-brain-off book, but it wasn't a great one, either. It's certainly not one that I'd recommend for a friend, and I've recommended Bitten several times.

Oh well, in the next book in the series Elena and Clay are back. Here's hoping it's a good return.

Book Report: Sprawl Survival Guide

Another Shadowrun book.

One of the coolest of the many cool things about Shadowrun is the incredibly detailed universe. You can really get into it with books like this one, which details the minutia of daily life in the 2060s. From culture, shopping and media to life on the streets, you get a really good feel for the high-tech, high-magic, pseudo-post apocalyptic world.

Not many rules, though, and those that do exist should be easily translatable to whichever edition of the game you choose to play. So rules lawyers will be bored, and roleplayers will be overjoyed.

Slot your credstick, chummer -- you need this one if you're going to be in the world rather than just skate on top of it.

Book Report: Portfolio of a Dragon: Dunklezahn's Secrets

We've got a Shadowrun game going, and it's working out well. So I've been inspired to crack open a few of the older books and bone up on my runner info.

This has always been one of my favorites. The last will and testament of the great dragon Dunklezahn, this book is chock full of story ideas and drops a few little tidbits of info about the Shadowrun/Earthdawn metaplot (A nifty storyline that has sadly gone the way of the dodo. That's one of the reasons I still play third edition.)

Damn I've played in some cool games based on this book. Remind me to tell you about Glamis Castle sometime ...

When this book came out, we were actively playing through the storyline, albeit a few months behind. So when there was a MAJOR SPOILER on the back of the cover in giant letters, John about choked. Rule for the future, game companies -- don't give away the big major secrets that players should not know on the back cover.

Is this worth tracking down a used copy if you don't already have one? If you're interested in the back history of Shadowrun/Earthdawn or are running a game in the past, sure. If not, unfortunately the Shadowrun universe has moved in a different direction that the one pointed to in this book.

Movie Report: Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008)

The first Harold and Kumar flick was funny as hell.

I didn't think they could catch lightning twice, so I wasn't too psyched for the sequel. Then I saw that teaser poster with Neil Patrick Harris on a unicorn (NPH!!!!) and I knew I'd have to see this.

So it's not the same as the first movie. But it's basically 90 minutes of stoner humor. If that's what you're in the mood for, groovy.

So nudity, vulgarity, lots of vulgarity, oral sex jokes and skewering of stupid people. The government types in this movie just get savaged. And cameos abound.

But if anything, my beloved NPH didn't get used enough. Yes, his sequence was hysterical and trippy, but was it trippy enough? C'mon NPH -- I know you can push it farther, baby! You're the king!

Now that the guys have gotten to Amsterdam, and this movie has actually made some bank (something that the original never did in the theaters) I'll be back in the theater for H&K III.

Movie Report: Gigi (1958)

I'll admit to being slightly creeped out at the start of this movie by Maurice Chevalier's ... enthusiasm when he's looking at the girls in the park. Thank heaven for little girls indeed!

Anyway, once we get over that, Gigi is a stylish, light, big budget, big style, old school Hollywood musical. Leslie Caron plays a tomboyish courtesan-in-training who just doesn't fit in. Louis Jourdan is the bored, spoiled playboy who suddenly decides he loves her.

The whole "girls raised to be rich men's mistresses" plot could be seen as horribly anti-feminist, but its not. These women know exactly what they're getting into, and what they're getting out of it. They can reject their lovers and move on. And when Gigi decides she doesn't want that kind of life, she doesn't have to have it. In fact, it's the man who has to change to please her.

And kudos to Chevalier and Hermoine Gingold, who steal the entire picture with a charming and touching performance of "I Remember It Well." Forget Gaston and Gigi -- I wanted to know more about these two and their obviously fascinating history.

TV Report: Babylon 5: Season 1

As I've established before, Babylon 5 is full of both awesome and win.

So after I got the chance to hear JMS speak about writing a few months ago, I started watching the first season again.

The first thing the first season does right is introduce my beloved Ivanova as a replacement for the first officer in the pilot. OK, so there's a new doctor and telepath too, but Ivanova is God. She even tells you that -- I've seen the T-shirts.

We also get to see the first signs of JMS's obsession with Arthurian mythology, and then, at the end of the season, the dreaded and nasty Mr. Morden, and the onset of what the show is *really* about. The fact that this shows makes the question "What do you want?" to be this chilling and disturbing shows how well its done.

This is a show that really blooms on DVD. There are so many intertwining threads that it sometimes made me crazy to wait for the syndication schedule. On DVD, I can watch hours one right after the other, and the master work of the storytelling is allowed to unfold as it should.

And this is one of the weaker seasons, if only because it spends so much time setting up what would happen in seasons 2-4. Its still one of the best things that's appeared on TV.

Movie Report: Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

OK, so I never saw this in the theater. Not that I'm not a Trekkie or anything, but dude! It was 2002, and they released this right before LotR! Priorities!

So I finally got around to watching it. And while I will say that it's obvious that both the screenwriter and director were not Trek fans (and whoever hired them should be slapped) and that the errors are *legion*, it still actually has the bones of a halfway decent tale.

Romulans make everything better.

So what works? Romulans. The TNG cast is always good, and it's obvious that they all have an affection for their parts. There are some fun action scenes. Some of the deeper questions make you think, although ultimately they aren't answered.

What didn't work? Loads of techno-babble. Boring dialogue. Boring sets. Production values so bad that I wouldn't have been surprised to see the Gorn captain from "Arena" wandering though a shot. Shinzon's bloody British accent. Dragging out that tired old cliche of bad androids. Seriously -- when is the crew of the Enterprise going to stop bring home stray evil robots?

Not the best, not the worst of the Trek films. I'm hoping that the upcoming movie gives a jolt to the whole franchise.

Movie Report: Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Pirates kick ass.

Johnny Depp as a pirate? That kicks major ass. It's like pirates juggling chainsaws and shooting lightning while kicking ass.

This may be one of the ultimate summer movies -- a trilogy for the 2000s the way that Star Wars defined the late 1970s. I loves me some pirates.

I'm not going to bother blogging about the plot, or the fun, or the amazing action scenes, or the wonderful soundtrack, because you know all of that. This movie's been out for five years -- you've seen it. You probably own the DVD, because it sold like five jillion copies.

And if you haven't seen it, just get off my blog. Now.

Just simply amazing.

Now, bring me that horizon ...

Movie Report: The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)

First cool thing about this movie was that I saw something I hadn't seen in a loooong time: A sellout.

Friday night at a big San Jose multiplex showing this on three screens -- and no tickets available! J and I had to wait until the 10 p.m. shows, and it was actually cool to see a big crowd excited about something that wasn't Hannah Montana in 3D.

But J had been jonesing for this movie for weeks, so we weren't leaving until we saw some kung-fu action. Because the first movie teamup between Jackie Chan and Jet Li is an occasion, yo!

Problem No. 1, and it's a big one -- What's up with that annoying white kid? That is *not* who I came to see, and I'm disappointed that the filmmakers thought they needed an American to anchor the story. Particularly a stupid American who can't act terribly well.

OK, OK -- I can ignore the Karate Kid bit (Sweep the Leg!) if I get a good story. And I did.

It was obvious that Jet Li had a helluva good time playing the Monkey King, as did Chan with the crotchety old guy bit. And in their other parts, we got one *amazing* fight scene between the two of them -- one that I've been waiting years to see.

Jackie even busted out some drunken boxing moves, and he hasn't used those in ages!

So is it obvious that these two legends may be nearing retirement? Yes. Did I notice some use of wires and stuntmen where they hadn't been necessary before? Yes. Did I still have a good time? Hells yea!

Fabulous fights, fabulous costumes, a big, sweeping story and a tour through Chinese myth.

And Jet Li and Jackie Chan. What more do you want?

Book Report: Kohkumthena's Grandchildren: The Shawnee

If you happen to have an interest in Native American culture, particularly that of the tribes that aren't as well-covered as the Sioux or Apache, *and* you can find a copy of this book, which had a very limited print run from a regional publisher, this is the book for you.

The author relates the oral traditions of the Shawnee through the framework of sacred relics coming to life and telling their stories to a young boy. It's an easy, non-scholarly read, although it has a scholarly background. While the author (Dark Rain Thom) didn't do the best job of documenting her sources, it's obvious that she did do her research.

I didn't find what I was looking for in this book (I've got a project rattling around in the back of my brain that would benefit greatly from some actual Shawnee ghost legends) it did give me a basis for characterizing these people and their beliefs.

Movie Report: Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Brokeback Mountain was the movie I really wanted to see, but couldn't get anyone to go to the theater with me.

Even my lesbian buddies turned me down. Sigh.

Fast forward three years, and after Heath Ledger died the premium channels played this for like a week nonstop. My sweetie, remembering that I really wanted to see it and never got to, was kind enough to DV-R it for me.

He, of course, played WoW when I was watching it. Oh well -- it's the thought that counts.

So about a zillion gay cowboy jokes have been told about this movie. Forget that. It's not important that these are two men in love ... it's important that they are two *people* in love.

Because Ledger is heartbreakingly, achingly perfect in this part -- the way he speaks while barely moving his mouth, the slow blossoming as he finds true love, the despair when the magic summer ends, the excited run to meet Jack again. Every thing is just absolutely perfect. It was the performance of a decade.

If things would have been different, he would have been the actor that defined a generation. Maybe he still will be.

Every performance in this movie is good. But Heath was perfect.

You've got to see this. Every frame of this movie lingers with you. The silences are exquisite. You get to dive into these character's hearts. You can't skip this because of a few gay cowboy jokes.

Melancholy and magnificent. This movie will haunt you.

Book Report: Twilight

I kept hearing how good these books were, how I was missing out, yadda, yadda, so when I had a gift certificate and I saw the first one in softcover I picked it up (along with a lovely book of scarf patterns).

And while it was fun while it lasted (enough so that I might even pick up the second one), I've gotta say a few things.

It was so emo. So, so, so, emo. So emo that emo is like sunshine in comparison. So emo that it makes black look like white. So emo that it makes seasons six and seven of Buffy look like Hello Kitty Adventures.

It's so emo that my friend J-Man and I could play a "find the emo" game. Open up the book to any random page and find the emo. It's ridiculously easy.

That's a whole lotta emo, yo. You gotta be prepared for that!

Secondly, glitter vampires? WTF?

Thirdly, Bella's kind of a bitch. Yeah, she's supposed to be wonderful and perfect and all (in a kind of Mary Sue way), but she manipulates people (poor Jacob) to get what she wants, lies constantly, pouts because she's popular, whines a lot, has an almost supernatural ability to get into and cause trouble, and goes totally stupid over a boy to the point that everything in her life revolves around whether or not Edward's being nice to her today.

Why does she love Edward sooooo much? Because he's a beautiful, perfect, glitter vampire. If he was fugly, she wouldn't have given him the time of day. Vapid wench.

And since we're talking about Edward, he's pretty and all, but kinda boring. He alternates between telling Bella she's perfect and amazing and wonderful and smells good, and telling her to shut up and be a good little pet human. He is not terribly interesting in either mode. And why, after decades of being alone, does he suddenly decide that this stupid so-and-so is his one and only? I don't get it.

Finally, why, oh why, did the bad guy suddenly decide he had to have himself a piece of Bella? Was it some supernatural thing, or did the author realize she'd written 400 pages of emo sighing and longing glances, and needed some action to keep the reader from falling asleep?

So it was another of those books that I had a good enough time reading, but looking back, I can't figure out why. Odd.

Movie Report: Justice League: The New Frontier

Wow. Just wow.

A what-if story set in a loving tribute to the Silver Age and the 1950s, this movie was just spectacular, from the great voice acting (Neil Patrick Harris -- NPH, yo! -- as the Flash, David Boreanaz as Hal Stewart) to the slavish attention to detail in the costumes and backgrounds and the space age "it came from beyond" monster.

The McCarthy Era is overshadowing the heroes, driving some underground and others to question their path in life. It's a deep, intelligent portrayal of some of the most beloved of comic characters, and it's fabulous.

I'm kinda gushing, but this film is an absolute animation classic -- I wonder if they showed it on a few big screens before releasing the DVD so it would be eligible for the Best Animation Oscar.

I've since picked up the graphic novels on which this movie is based. They're sitting on my coffee table, and I can't wait to read 'em. If the movie was this good, the original story should really be something.

Movie Report: Superman: Doomsday

The makers of the stellar Justice League animated series seem bound and determined in this movie to say "this ain't the Justice League."

No League. New voices. New style. New look. New violence. And Superman's gone for half the movie!

For the most part, it's OK. The new look for Supes was distracting -- what was up with those crazy cheekbones? Did they want him to look so ... old?

I'm ambivalent on the new voice cast, although I will admit that James Marsters rocks as Lex Luthor -- it's different from Clancy Brown's version, but still col. Anne Heche just doesn't do Lois as well as Dana Delany did, and as for Supes ... could I really complain about Adam Baldwin? He was in Firefly!

And while the movie will never match up to the depth of the landmark comic storyline, it does one thing very, very well: The fights between Superman and Doomsday may just be the very best Superman fights ever put on film.

These are brutal, nasty, city-smashing throwdowns. Metropolis just gets wrecked, and it's amazing to see what happens when Supes cuts loose against a foe of equal power level.

And that's not all the violence, not by a long shot. It's not a slasher flick, but enough happens to make you think "damn, that's a lot of bodies."

Brutal stuff that's not for the kiddies, but it's one of the best Superman films ever, and ten times the flick that that emo-fest Superman Returns was.

Book Report: Legend of the Syndicate

Sigh. Great idea ... not so great execution.

I am fascinated by online guilds and communities and how they form and develop, for both the obvious reason and the not so obvious ones. Since this is one of the first (if not the first) books about the founding and development of an online guild, it caught my interest.

The author is a member of the guild, and it's obvious that he's got a lot of knowledge and enthusiasm for the organization. However, his viewpoint is so biased that it's hard to take the book seriously.

Because I'm sure that not everything has worked out well, that the Syndicate doesn't always win, and that everything they do is not accompanied by cherry blossoms and fairy sparkles. But if you read this, that's the impression you might get.

And in actuality, I'm sure that the trials and tribulations of an organization such as this were more interesting than:

• Situation arises.
• Wonderful and beneficent leader Dragons thinks it over and comes up with a plan of action.
• Everything works out just as it should, and the magnificence of the guild grows.
• Cookies!

Also, if you're gonna write a book, get an editor. Or at least check the damn manuscript for typos before you send it to the printers.

So I basically paid for a recruiting tool for a guild that I'm never gonna join. Or have any interest in joining, because it sounds like the Syndicate is way too regimented and hardcore for me -- they're playing games, right? It's not a job?

But I do hope the book paves the way for more investigations of online culture. It's a good field that needs more thoughtful, unbiased study.

Movie Report: Stranger Than Fiction (2006)

Whoa. Trippy.

I'd been wanting to see this since I heard the premise -- Will Farrell is playing a tax auditor who's also the lead character in writer Emma Thompson's book.

Problem is, the characters in her books always die. Awfully.

Harold Crick (that's the tax guy) wakes up one day, starts his strictly regimented routine, and hears a woman's voice narrating the story. Is he crazy? Is he real?

So it's a pretty existential story from the get-go. Surprisingly, though, it's doesn't fall into in the "look at me, I'm soooo existential and deep" trap that many other movies like this do. (I Love Huckabees, I'm looking at you.)

The movie stays as sweet as one of baker Maggie Gyllenhaal's cookies, even though a lot of the questions it considers are pretty grim -- as is Harold's sad little life. And most importantly, Will Farrell didn't make me want to reach into the screen and kill him, as he has done in almost every other performance of his I've seen. He played it straight, for once, and I was grateful.

Charming comedy, and it'll actually make you think. That's a good thing.

Anime Report: Appleseed: Ex Machina (2008)

J and I were lucky enough to see this on the big screen in San Francisco, which is really the way to go if you can.

If not, at least try to see it in Blu-Ray, because the visuals are nothing short of stunning. And unless you happen to be a big Appleseed fan, the visuals (and the participation of John Woo, who's influence is heavily felt in the action scenes) is really the reason you're watching.

The plot is more complex than the previous movies, and at the same time simpler. Deunan and Briareos are still partners, and still in love. But when Briareos is injured during a mission (a kick-ass action sequence set in an abandoned church) Deunan is assigned a new partner -- Tereus, a warrior bioroid who just happens to be a clone of Briareos.

Cue the drama. Briareos wonders if Deunan would prefer a flesh and blood lover, rather than someone who's mostly machine. Deunan wants her man back, and resents the presence of Tereus. And Tereus is conflicted about his feelings for Deunan -- are they real, or a result of the cloning?

In the middle of all this romance stuff is a plot about brainwashed cyborgs threatening planetary peace, a global monitoring system and a goo that takes over people's minds. But really, it's not terribly important -- it's just a reason to have all of the fights and things going boom.

And pigeons. John Woo was involved -- there must be pigeons. I lol'ed.

The CG animation is a work of art -- I'd love to see games that look this good, even though the animation had a very next-gen game feel to it.

There's everything from mid-air shootouts to sinuous silver tentacles. Even the settings are striking, with their Greco-futuristic marble, columns and sci-fi gadgets. And there's a breathtaking level of detail -- reflections, light, raindrops on Briareos' metal face and tiny facial changes. I so want my character in Champions Online to have Deunan's hair.

Worth checking out if you're an animation fan or have a new Blu-Ray player you want to put through its paces. Or if you're an Appleseed fan. But don't feel you have to have seen the previous movies -- just go with the flow, and you should be able to figure out what's going on, if you want to.

TV Report: Babylon 5: The Gathering (1993)

As we all know, Babylon 5 is made of awesome and win.

So having just finished watching In the Beginning, I followed it up with the pilot movie.

Not everything in this movie is perfect. The makeup, particularly for Delenn, is kinda horrible. The Changeling Net plot is kinda weird. The special effects are kinda limited, and it's clear that they didn't really have the budget to make them better.

But the bones of a brilliant series are there. The acting, especially by Peter Jurasic and Andreas Katsulas, is top notch. You've got the Psi Corps. Vorlons. Mysteries and double-dealing.

And Kosh comes right out and *tells* you one of the major secrets of the series, and I didn't catch it until years later! That shows just how well planned and executed this series was.

So it's a solid pilot, but not awesome. Good enough to get picked up for production, though, and that's all that matters.

A must watch and re-watch for B5 fans.

Movie Report: 21 (2008)

Another true story turned Hollywood.

This is the tale of a group of MIT students who made some major bank counting cards in Vegas -- something that is supposed to be completely legal, albeit damned difficult.

But of course, this is the Hollywood version, so all of the students have to be really pretty (except for Kate Bosworth, who the studios keep trying to tell me is pretty but is in fact freakishly skinny and has an odd, not-pretty face). And Kevin Spacey get to be their too-cool-for school professor/gang leader.

Since it was Spacey that got me to drop 10 bucks on this flick, it was good to see him. His part was pretty formulaic, but he pulled it off well.

And because it's a Hollywood flick, we've got to add strippers, crazy quirks, costumed blackjack players and drammah, this time in the form of Laurence Fishburne as a old-school casino security chief.

The movie had great style, and showed off the casinos and Vegas locations very well, with a lot of interesting camera work and slick dissolves. The best parts of the film were the sequences at the blackjack tables, and I wish they would have cut back a little on the "Ben needs cash for medical school" plot (apparently he's never heard of financial aid) to focus more on what was fun.

Overall, though, it was an enjoyable waste of time after dinner on a Saturday night. The best part, though, was how my sweetie summed the movie up:

"Do anything to win in Vegas and Laurence Fishburne will kick your ass."

TV Report: Babylon 5: In the Beginning (1998)

I have a crazy, deep, ever-abiding love of Babylon 5 that even surpasses my crazy, deep, ever-abiding love of Firefly.

And every so often I must indulge it. Babylon 5 DVDs ... how I love you so.

In the Beginning wasn't the first movie, but rather a prequel filmed several years into the series. It tells the story of the Earth-Minbari War, a major event that hung over the heads of the characters and influenced much of the storyline, but that was never fully explained until this was released.

And while it feels a little odd as it trots out the show's stars for cameo after cameo (even when they really don't belong, like Ivanova) it is good to see what came before, and what *really* happened the first time a Earth ship contracted the Minbari.

The script and the acting, are superb, of course. This is Babylon 5 after all.

Heroism, triumph, tragedy, humor and big booms -- this is essential for any B5 fan, and shouldn't you *all* be B5 fans?

Book Report: Four and Twenty Blackbirds

This book is a bit odd.

It's advertised as one in Mercedes Lackey's "Bardic Voices" series, but where are the bards? Not here! So if you're looking for Wren and company, you're going to be disappointed.

What we do have is a mystery about a series of seemingly unrelated murders that share some common characteristics. All the victims are women. All claim to be musicians of some type. All are killed with a very unusual knife. And all are done in the rain, possibly because water washes away traces of magic.

Sounds like a serial killer, right? Well the authorities don't think so -- because in each case a murderer does the deed and then promptly commits suicide.

One constable, Tal Rufen, won't let it go, and the book follows his dogged search for an all-too-obvious killer. I figured out who it was by chapter four, and Lackey comes right out and *says* who it is in chapter eight. So much for the mystery.

So we get a slog towards an inevitable ending where good triumphs over evil -- you know it's gonna happen, you just don't know how.

I finished the book, and I wasn't bored or annoyed while reading it -- I like Lackey's style. But thinking back, I'm not sure *why* I enjoyed reading this.

Like I said ... odd.

Book Report: Will the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby?

A book about Buffy and Fandom? I'm there!

Because let's face it. Fans, fandom, communities -- they're pretty important to me these days. I'm still looking for that great book that explains genre fans to people who just don't get it -- I've spent hours trying to explain it to PR people.

This isn't that book. Maybe I'll have to write it someday.

What this is, however, is a series of essays about one woman's journey down the dark paths of fandom, and how her association with it gave her a life and a job. (Hmmm, that kinda sound familiar ...)

And while parts of it ring true -- I really like the discussion of "Munchhausen's by Internet" -- about the fourth or fifth time the author rhapsodizes about how totally *amazing* it is that people who have only known each other online are *meeting*! In! Real! Life! I just want to tell her to go get a life.

Because in our Web 2.0, social networking, MMO playing culture, is that *really* such an odd concept anymore? It's not for me.

And I really didn't like how she cut down academics who study topics such as Buffy. OK, fine -- the author isn't interested. All she is interested in is fandom, because it is sooo amazing that these people meet In! Real! Life!

But that doesn't mean that its not a valid field of study. Get over yourself, fangirl.

Still, the inside peek into the world of writer stalking and cat sitting was fun, and there was one great concept that she stumbled onto almost by accident that really hit home with me.

The people who get wrapped up in a show or a game or whatever to the point that they want a personal connection with the authors, actors or devs just want to be noticed. They want someone they see as "special" to say "you're special too."

It's a simple concept of community, and it's so easy to do. The sad thing is, some of the "special" people have bought their own hype, and forgotten how to be nice.

So I do it for them.

Book Report: Success in the Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense

So you every have someone who you work with and have to deal with on a daily basis who excels at being a jerk?

Of course you do. There are people like that everywhere.

I do too, so Sweetie suggested I read this. It's not perfect, and a lot of the examples are ... dated, but it's a good look at the "game" of language that you might not even realize is being played around you. And there are some good techniques designed to stop jerkitude in its tracks, professionally and without being a jerk in return.

Worth checking out if you don't want to be a verbal victim.

Movie Report: Drillbit Taylor (2008)

John Hughes (yeah, *that* John Hughes) was one of the writers of this film, using a pseudonym. Of course I was going to go see it!

And yes, it was cute, in a Hughesian sort of way.

This story has been done before -- nerdy kids hire a bodyguard to protect them from school bullies. But with the genuine comic talent of Owen Wilson and some not-so-annoying kid actors, this works.

There's some good bits from the kids (the shirts, hitting each other, the rap scene) but for the most part Wilson carries this movie as he bullshits his way through something his character has no business doing, and finds that he actually likes doing it. Wilson holding the flaming diorama up to the sprinklers was a great image.

There's a marvelous cameo by Adam Baldwin, and I was psyched to see Lisa Lampanelli, and then disappointed when she only had two, short scenes.

Nice to see the Judd Apatow crew tackle a PG-13 flick -- but I'll admit that their raunchier stuff is funnier.

This movie's got heart, but it's not going to change the world.

Movie Report: An American in Paris (1951)

Ah, the age of Hollywood musicals. Big, bright and beautiful.

Gene Kelly plays an American GI in post-war Paris, trying to make it as a painter. He's torn between the rich American woman who wants to "sponsor" him, and the adorable French girl (Leslie Caron) that he loves. And then ... ah, forget it. The plot's silly, and it doesn't matter anyway. All this movie was created for was an opportunity to have pretty, talented people sing and dance to Gershwin songs.

So there is much singing. And much dancing. The sets are gorgeous, as are the costumes. (Interesting fact, this was filmed on MGM's back lot, not on location in Paris. Hard to tell.)

But the showpiece of the film, an extended ballet sequence set to Gershwin's tone poem An American in Paris, is just tossed in at the end with no lead-up or explanation at all. It's sorta like ... "Damn -- what do we do now? Hell with it -- just let Gene dance for twenty minutes."

And after that, the movie's just *over*. It's jarring and odd, and it takes away from how lovely the work was up until that point.

Movie Report: A Tale of Two Cities (1935)

Charles Dickens' novels are just too big for your standard movie. There are too many characters, there is too much going on, there are too many paths of interconnectivity and coincidence to tread ...

So most moviemakers tackling Dickens do what David O. Selznick did -- cut that puppy until it fits in a nice, neat movie-style package.

Now we get the story of two French families in pre-revolutionary France and England. Lucy Mannette was raised in England after her father was imprisoned in France. She meets and marries Charles Darnay, who is really the nephew of a French aristocrat.

Darnay gets captured and put on trial for spying, but is rescued by the brilliant, drunken lawyer Sidney Carton, who's madly in love with Lucy and the best damn character in the movie and the book.

Years later the revolution is in full swing and its a very dangerous place to be for anyone with any ties to the aristocracy. Of course, this is the *perfect* time for Darnay to head back to his old stomping grounds, dragging the entire cast of the film with him. Seriously -- you know its dangerous. You know they'll try their damnest to kill you and everyone associated with you? Why bring the kids and a cast of thousands along??

Ronald Coleman is absolutely wonderful as Carton, who sacrifices himself to save this bunch of doofuses because he loves them, even if they are stupid. Character actress Edna May Oliver brings strength and sass to a thankless role as Lucy's governess. And my eye kept drifting to Madame Defarges' funky knitting.

One of the better film adaptations of Dickens work, but read the novel anyway.

Movie Report: American Psycho (2000)

Huey Lewis and News have never been so disturbing.

Patrick Bateman has it all -- a beautiful fiancee (and a beautiful mistress), a perfect apartment, a perfect job and perfect business cards. But he's also a heartless, emotionless void -- a serial killer who slaughters in a futile attempt to satisfy his lust for blood. He's a monster in a Brooks Brothers suit. He's barely human.

American Psycho was a violent, disturbing novel, and this is a violent, disturbing movie. But it also plays up the satire -- when Patrick is chopping up a business associate with a gleaming chromed ax to the sounds of 80s pop, you can't help but ... be amused. Is murder supposed to be funny? This movie says it can be.

Christian Bale takes on a difficult subject -- a completely remorseless killer, someone who the audience can't and won't identify with -- and does a fabulous job. We get to look into a fragile and insecure mind.

This movie pulls no punches, but don't be afraid to laugh when something's funny. Look what emotional repression did to Patrick.

I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Movie Report: The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)

Of course I had to see this. Elizabethan drama? Helloooo!

Kinda weird, though -- seeing this right as the second season of The Tutors starts on Showtime. So I kept mentally comparing them, even though I didn't want to.

When about 15 years are squished into two hours, of course there are going to be historical problems. Add to that that Hollywood doesn't give a damn about accuracy, and anyone going to this to see the "real story" of Anne, Mary and Henry will be disappointed.

But that's not what they were trying to make. They were trying to make an engaging bodice-ripper of a movie. Did they succeed?

I don't know. The characters were all gorgeous, of course -- but too stereotypical. Mary was *too* perfect. Anne was *too* scheming and devilish. Henry was *too* obsessed with his penis. And Anne and Mary's brother -- geeze, what was up with that?

And the rape scene? Yes, Henry was obsessed with getting a male heir ... and his penis. But for all we know, he did love Anne. If he didn't, if she was just another conquest, why in the world go to such lengths to have her? To marry her? Bed her and move on!

Crazy over-the-top acting and writing. Beautiful costumes and scenery. I'll probably watch it again on cable (because yes, I am obsessed with Elizabethan movies) but it's not a classic. It's not even a DVD must-buy.

Movie Report: Run, Fatboy Run (2008)

I like Simon Pegg's movies.

This time he and his cohorts take on the romantic comedy. Pegg plays a loser security guard who leaves his impossibly hot, charming, loving and very pregnant girlfriend at the altar.

Fast forward a few years, and he's got a cute son he obviously adores, a mad crush on the now ex-girlfriend, and still doesn't have a life. When ex-girl gets a rich, handsome, seemingly perfect American suitor, loser's gotta step up and prove himself.

It's a vanilla story, but it works well. The cast is funny and the script is packed with lots of good bits. The kid is cute without being annoying. Hank Azaria *is* annoying as the American, Whit, but I think he was supposed to be.

Pegg does these nerd turned hero movies well. And it plays into a little wish-fulfillment for a lot of his fans. Seriously, if I could take on zombies with a cricket bat once, I'd so do it.

Not as slapsticky as Shawn of the Dead or Hot Fuzz, but well worth the evening price I paid to go.

Classic British comedy.

Anime Report: Silent Mobius 1

So anime fans -- you ever have that experience where you know *nothing* about a show, but you keep seeing it on the DVD racks and it looks kinda interesting? And one day it's on sale?

That is how I now own Silent Mobius.

And it's cool in a 1990s, Bubblegum Crisis, Sol Bianca kind of way. Basically you've got a group of female officers, all with troubled pasts that are good for extended flashback sequences, fighting a secret war against Threat to the Planet No. 67.

This time we're in a post-apocalyptic Tokyo, where giant magic monsters from another dimension like to pop out of shadows and eat people. Fighting these "Lucifer Hawks" are the Attack Mystification Police, lead by Katsumi Liqueur (nope, I'm not making that name up), a shy secretary turned ass-kicking mage. She's also the daughter of the mage who let all these nasty critters into Tokyo in the first place.

Good and gothic, with great environmental designs. The characters are appealing, but could be interchanged with characters from any number of animes from this era. Still, it seems like they're laying the groundwork for a decent story here.

Worth a watch, but I wouldn't pay full price.

Movie Report: Bedlam (1946)

Val Lewton gets the rare chance to work on a period piece. He still has a budget of about 12 bucks.

A spirited "wit" in the 1800s meets a Quaker who reforms her thinking and crosses her rich, stupid nobleman benefactor. Her efforts to improve the lives of the inmates of an insane asylum get her tossed in there herself.

This film survives for two reasons -- Lewton is a genius, and the head of the asylum is Boris Karloff, in a role that's not quite horror but perfectly suited to his talents. He's menacing, brutish and thoroughly wicked. I enjoyed disliking his character, and that's a sign of a good villain.

Watch this on a cold, rainy afternoon or gloomy night to set the mood.

Movie Report: Wild Hogs (2007)

Sweetie had wanted to see this in the theaters last year, but we didn't, so we caught it on cable.

No great loss -- saved 14 bucks.

If you know your mediocre genre comedy at all, you could map this one out without ever seeing a frame of film. Middle-aged buddies dealing with life's hassles try to get their groove back. Add a sorta-bad gang headed up by Ray Liotta, a gay cop, and a love interest for the shy divorced guy, and you've got yourselves a movie!

I'll bet that this flick was pitched as "City Slickers on motorcycles." They probably spent more time negotiating the product placement deals than writing the script.

But you do have solid chemistry among the cast, and a well-chosen soundtrack. The bull slapping scene is hysterical, and William H. Macy easily steals the show from his co-stars. The rampant homophobia was cringe-worthy, but honestly -- in a film like this, do you expect anything else. Sad, but true.

Nothing new, but it's better than a documentary on shoes.

Movie Report: The Leopard Man (1943)

A moody, atmospheric piece, The Leopard Man, like so many of Val Lewton's movies, depends on what it doesn't show more than what it does.

After a nightclub performer's leopard gets loose, three tragic murders occur. Is it the cat, or something more sinister?

This isn't as brilliant as Cat People, but its dripping with atmosphere. The New Mexico landscapes are exotic (for the 1940s, anyway) and desolate, the shadows are deep, and the sense of nighttime isolation adds to the suspense. A tacked on whodunit detracts from the drama, but I guess the screenwriters thought they needed something for the pretty white people (the nightclub dancer and her boyfriend) to do.

Val Lewton's B-movies are one of the foundations of modern horror and suspense. Watch them and learn.

Movie Report: The Bank Job (2008)

Jason Statham has almost become a guilty pleasure.

Some of his movies are good, some are horrendous. Luckily, The Bank Job is one of the good ones.

Statham is playing one of his patented small-time hustlers, this time a family man with a wife and daughters, a failing business and a penchant for criminal activity. When a babelicious woman from his past brings him and his loser buddies a chance to loot a bank vault and get away with millions in untraceable cash and gems, they're not quite smart enough to see it's a set up.

Set in swinging London of the 1970s, what starts as a slow (almost too slow) character piece ramps up into a funny, action packed heist caper/conspiracy drama. There's spies and black radicals and gangsters and a madam, and somehow they're all after what this bunch of saps has. Who would have thought that naughty pictures of a princess would be so valuable?

Starts slow, ends a little too neatly, but the middle is top-notch. And truth is always stranger than fiction.

Book Report: Reading Like a Writer

I'm terribly amused by an author and writing instructor whose last name is "Prose." Giggle with me.

OK, now that we've had our moment, this book is a good reminder to slow down when reading and really savor what a good author can do. Learn from it. Understand why they pick the words they pick, and why a sentence is constructed in just that way.

Prose says that through close reading, the reader can not only understand what an author is saying, but what he or she is implying. She uses lots of examples from literature to back up her thesis, but then again, if I chose my literature examples carefully enough, I could use them to prove a thesis that says yellow bunnies are the secret rulers of the Earth.

It proves a point, but it doesn't make that point a rule. It's obvious that Prose is absolutely passionate about literature, though, and that passion carries the theory a long way.

So I would say that this book is not necessarily a handbook, but rather a love letter to the mysterious alchemy that is a wonderful book. Take time to enjoy it.

Movie Report: The Seventh Victim (1943)

Val Lewton rocks.

He took tiny budgets and ridiculous time lines and made sleek, stylish thrillers. Sometimes the plots are a bit odd, but they're tons better than all of the B-movie drek being produced today.

The Seventh Victim has Kim Hunter as a young girl searching for her missing sister in New York. She then winds her way through a truly trippy experience, meeting wayward poets and learning that her sister has left her lawyer fiance, sold her business, likes to play at committing suicide and is mixed up in a satanic cult.

Pacifist satanists. Let that one sink in for a minute.

What's great about this movie, like many of Lewton's films, is the imagery. Dark streets, shadows and fog, a room empty except for a chair and a noose -- this is great stuff. The scene where Jacqueline is being stalked by the man with the switchblade is genuinely frightening.

Oozing with atmosphere.

Movie Report: Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

Everything about this movie is so beautiful, you want to savor it, and drink it in like fine wine.

There are scenes where the color bleeds off the scene, and ones that looks like portraits. Kimonos have never looked so glorious. And the dance scene is sad, wild and captivating.

That being said, it's almost too pretty, because you never forget that its a movie. I didn't fall into it the way I can with a really exceptional film. And the actresses, while all very strong, were not Japanese and they were missing a certain ... delicacy, maybe?

I like the movie because it is so beautiful, and because it gives a glimpse into the world of the geisha. But an immensely satisfying novel got cut into a good-and-evil battle wrapped in silk, and that was disappointing. I bought the DVD (used) not because I love the story, but rather because once in a while I want to see something lovely. And because I'm a sucker for DVD extras.

Beautiful, but not breathtaking.

Movie Report: Curse of the Cat People (1944)

Because I'm so fond of Cat People, once I heard there was a sequel I had to see it.

Well, it's sort of a sequel. Kinda. Maybe. Not really.

But that doesn't mean it's a bad movie. It's just not a sequel to my beloved Cat People.

What this movie is, though, is something extremely rare: A movie that lets you see through a child's eyes, rather than showing an adult view of what he or she *thinks* a child sees.

The All-American sap of the first movie has remarried and had a daughter. Now he's an All-American doof of a dad, berating her for not being popular and "normal," like the other kids and punishing her for preferring her solitary, fantasy life in the backyard.

So Amy is isolated and lonely, and when a beautiful lady befriends her she's overjoyed at having found a connection. Of course, the fact that said beautiful lady is the now-deceased Irena kind of freaks dear old dad out.

Magical and dreamy, this is more fairy tale than horror flick. Watch it on a cold night or rainy afternoon and revel in half-remembered feelings of childhood.

Movie Report: 10,000 B.C. (2008)

I so wanted to like this movie. I really did.

I guess I'll have to learn to live with disappointment. Because what was a really cool idea ended up as kind of a hot mess.

So to save you $10, I'll tell you what happens.

We start with a noble, multiracial (not sure about that one) hunter-gatherer tribe -- if by hunter-gatherer you mean stay in one place all year waiting for the wooly mammoths to wander by, so you can kill one and eat mammoth meat until the next one shows up.

The tribe's led by an old Eskimo woman predicting doom and gloom, and our hero's dad takes off for slightly less doom. The hero grows up, falls in love with the hottest chick in the tribe and hunts mammoths, if by hunts you mean manages by some miracle not to get trampled and stabs it on accident.

This blissful (?) existence is shattered when Arab horsemen come looking for slaves. They snatch up a bunch of people, including the hot chick, and take off. Of course the hero has to search for the hot chick, so he, an old hunter and a kid sidekick take off.

They cross the Alps, and find themselves in a tropical jungle, where they are attacked by giant chickens. Don't ask me to explain this -- I can't.

They go from jungle to desert and run into some African tribesmen, who have been attacked by the Arabs too. The tribesmen knew Hero's dad, who taught them Europe's only language.

There's a bunch of stuff with a sabertooth tiger, who apparently has no taste for Heroes and is almost as loyal as a Disney character.

The tribesmen and Hero and his guys decide to team up and fight the Arabs. There is one really cool image of the Arab's beautiful ships, which was almost worth the price of the matinee.

Then instead of following the river, which might have food and water, the band decides to strike out across an enormous desert. They wander around until they get the idea to follow the north star, which leads to slavers' camps as well as Santa's workshop.

So they follow the star to ... a pyramid? With lots of slaves and some desert-dwelling wooly mammoths working to build things for some Egyptian/Atlantean/Alien guy with long pointy fingernails.

Hero guy steals a scene from Braveheart, and the slaves rebel. Big fight, then he steals a scene from 300 and throws a spear at Egyptian/Atlantean/Alien guy.

Alien guy and some albinos run for their ship, which is inside a pyramid and no where near water. Slaves kill them a lot, but hot chick dies.

Far, far away, old Eskimo woman dies, and that brings hot chick back to life.

The tribesmen give the hunter-gatherers seeds to crops that somehow grew in a desert. The hunter-gatherers walk home (shoulda save one of those ships) and plant the seeds at the base of a glacier. Where they grow.

I don't think I'm going to buy the DVD.

Movie Report: Topper (1937)

A zany, glittering comedy, Topper is supernatural without a hint of suspense or horror.

When the hard-drinking, fast-living, glamorous Kirbys (Constance Bennett and Cary Grant) crash their fancy car and kill themselves, there's not a hint of blood or distress. But because they have never done a good deed -- or any really bad ones, they're stuck on Earth until they do.

So they get the idea of livening up the life of their staid banker friend Cosmo Topper. Cosmo is a quiet, hen-pecked man living a quiet, respectful life. In a few days, he's visiting speakeasies, downing Pink Ladies, getting into fights and getting arrested. And he's having the time of his life.

Bennett and Grant provide the glamour and loads of charm. Roland Young, as Topper, steals the movie with some wonderful physical comedy as he's being dragged around and manipulated by the invisible ghosts. Billie Burke is great as Topper's controlling, yet loving and confused wife. And wonderful special effects (for the time) mean that the story doesn't have to suffer for the visuals.

Add a fabulous big-band soundtrack (with an appearance by Hoagy Carmichael) and Topper is non-stop fun.

One of the best of the 1930s comedies, and an absolute must-see.

Movie Report: Love Affair (1939)

One of the all-time classic movie romances, Love Affair has inspired a slew of other films. So the film student in me had to watch the original.

It's got some good points -- the acting is superb. The characters are very believable and seem "real," at least through the first half of the movie. There's no clear "bad guy" -- even the guy Irene Dunne is trying to leave isn't a jerk.

So here the premise: French playboy and ex-lounge singer, both on their way to get married, meet on a cruise ship and fall in love. A port sequence where the playboy takes his new sweetie up into a enchanted cottage to meet his charming (fairy) grandmother (Maria Ouspenskaya, in the movie's strongest performance) is the best thing about the movie. She's serene, sad and otherworldly -- it's worth watching for these scenes alone.

So the lovers return to New York, and vow to meet again in six months -- when they've proven that they can be together as equals. Dunne dumps her rich boyfriend, moves away and starts supporting herself again. The playboy (Charles Boyer) breaks up with his meal-ticket fiancee and gets a job. All is going well until ...

Irene Dunne, and the whole damn movie, get hit by a car.

OK, so she's paralyzed. I get that. She's emo. I get that too. But she'd rather have the man she loves forever think that she stood him up practically at the altar as opposed to saying "sorry I couldn't make it honey -- I GOT HIT BY A CAR!"

I think he'd probably give her a pass for tardiness. SHE GOT HIT BY A CAR.

So we get a long, ridiculous sequence of Dunne being emo and in a wheelchair, and Boyer being emo and dumped. Add in some 1930s too-good-to-be-true Hollywood orphans and this movie has moved 90 degrees away from good.

It's supposed to be a fairy tale, but it all could have been cleared up with a phone call. Why, in movies and in real life, are people who are supposed to be in love so adamantly opposed to speaking to one another?

Starts strong, ends silly. Oh, and Turner Classic Movies' print of this is lousy. I wonder if there's a remastered version out there without all the scratches, skips and sound problems.

Movie Report: The Lake House (2006)

Normally, I have a rule that prohibits me from watching Sandra Bullock movies. Because 90 percent of them are *terrible.*

But something about The Lake House intrigued me, so I ignored the fact that it starred Sandra Bullock and the amazingly wooden Keanu Reeves and gave it two hours on a lazy Saturday evening.

From what I understand, no one gets this movie. And I don't get that, because it's not that hard. Let me explain:

1. Sandra is in 2006.
2. Keanu is in 2004.
3. Their time periods are not mutually exclusive.

Got it? Sandra can tell Keanu where she was in 2004, and Keanu can cross her path, but the 2004 version of Sandra will have no clue who Keanu is. Makes sense, right? So the trick is that the 2006 version of Sandra has to figure out where the 2006 version of Keanu is so that they can meet in Keanu's future (Sandra's present).

See? Not that hard!

Anyway, what you get is a sweet, slow romantic fantasy. There are some lapses in logic and a few plot holes you could drive a truck through, but I think you were supposed to ignore all that. I did, chalking it up to the troubles with time travel, which very few writers do well.

And if you turn off your brain, Lake House is okey-dokey. Not stellar, not even really good, but not nearly as sucky as something like Hope Floats.

I won't buy the DVD, but I won't poke out my own eyes to keep from watching it again, either.

Movie Report: Three Days of the Condor (1975)

Robert Redford stars in this stellar suspense flick as a bookish, New York researcher who's got one of the coolest jobs I've ever heard of -- he reads novels and other published material and searches them for references to the CIA.

He's come up with a scenario of an "agency inside the agency." His boss doesn't buy it, but he dutifully sends it to Washington for review. The problem? It's true.

So in a brutal hit, everyone at the research office is eliminated. Redford survives by a fluke -- he's out picking up lunch at the time. Now he's on the run, and he's not even sure why all these people are trying to kill him.

The tension never lets up, and Redford's character must survive assassination attempt after assassination attempt, all the while realizing that there's no one, not even his friends, that he can trust. Forced to turn to a stranger for help, he kidnaps a girl out of a shop (Faye Dunaway, who's less annoying than normal). But she doesn't believe him either.

A cat-and-mouse game where the mouse is very small but very smart and all the cat have great big guns -- Condor has a twisty plot reminiscent of Hitchcock, a great Cold War vibe and is the granddaddy of dozens of conspiracy flicks.

You might have to hunt for it, but it would be a good add to your Netflix list.

Movie Report: In Bruges (2008)

Nice to see Colin Farrell doing something besides drink heavily and be naughty.

Now he's in a movie ... drinking heavily and being naughty.

Farrell plays Ray, a hitman hiding out in Belgium after a job goes bad. He's a miserable bastard who's miserable in Bruges, a fairytale medieval town full of castles and canals. His partner, Ken, convinces him to give it a chance (and that they've got a job there), but what you get is Ray shooting off his mouth (and other things) and making everything from a chance encounter in front of a cathedral to a date go horribly, horribly wrong.

But it's not just comedy. The interjection of Ray and Ken's boss Harry makes the film take a serious, yet profanity filled turn. And Farrell gets to stretch his acting legs as a man who's not only a miserable prat, but miserable over the wrongs he's done.

Every time you think you've got a handle on this movie, it throws a curve ball. First it's a talky character piece, then a comedy, then a rumination on life and death, then a shoot-'em-up action flick. It never loses its charm. The end is a bit grim, but when it's tied into the whole of the picture, you understand how you got there, and why it had to end that way.

Well worth a watch.

Comic Report: Uncanny X-Men 1980 (Issues 129-140)

I have three words for you ...

DARK PHOENIX SAGA

Because 1980 was *the* year for the X-Men. The Hellfire Club. The White Queen. The Black Queen. DARK PHOENIX. The battle on the moon with the Shi'ar. The tears. The renewal, in the form of Kitty Pryde. Alpha Flight. The Wendigo. The introduction of Dazzler, for gawds sake.

There is not an issue put out in 1980 that wasn't simply fantastic.

I don't even know what to say. If you're a comic fan, you've read these issues. If you're not, go out and read them, and then you will be a comic fan.



Jean sacrfices herself to remain human. To be the woman that she was. Because she can't be the Phoenix anymore, she can't control that power. And because the only thing she can do to atone for the millions of lives lost is to offer up her own.

No matter how many times they ressurrect her, no matter how much Marvel screws with the continuity, she is Jean. She is eternal. And this is her story.

Movie Report: The Warriors (1979)

Warriors! Come out and plaaaayyyy!

A Greek myth colored with neon and spray paint, The Warriors is the story of a group of Coney Island gangers far from their turf and accused of a murder they didn't commit.

Now they've got to get home. That's it -- that's the entire plot. It's minimalistic and simply fabulous.

This is a hostile, alien, nocturnal world, with empty streets, yawning subway tunnels and ever present tension. There's a lot of people who want to kill these guys, and the futuristic, over-the-top gangs in baseball uniforms, sequins and dirty t-shirts are frightening in their grace and fury.

Especially their grace. It's obvious that a lot of the people hired for this film were dancers, and it shows in the brutal ballets of the fight scenes.

Maybe it looks a bit dated today, but I wouldn't change a thing. The camera work, the music, the air of desperation ... anyone who tries to remake this perfection with stupid script and a cast of pretty boys and singers should be punched in the face.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

Comic Report: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier

Mired in copyright lawsuits and corporate wrangling for gods knows how long, the third volume of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was finally released as a standalone graphic novel.

The plot, if you can call it that, is simple. Mina Harker (now a leggy blonde) and Alan Quartermain (who's grown young again and posing as his own son) sneak back into an Orwellian 1940s England. The oppressive government has a book about the League's adventures that Mina and Alan want to read, even though they star in most of them. The government wants to stop them.

So you get a dizzying array of letters, plays, documents, magazine articles, stories and even government-produced porn, all telling a bit of what happened between the end of the second volume and now. In between are sandwiched bits of chase scenes and a more traditional story, but the government opposition isn't that great and the end, where Mina and Alan get away, is never really in doubt.

And everything is a literary Where's Waldo, with literally dozens of characters from the past 200 years making guest appearances. If you're not familiar with the past 100 or so years of literature, most of this is going to go right over your head. I'm positive I didn't catch them all.

I could *not* get through the Beat pastiche in one sitting. Ouch.

Also ouch was the headache-inducing 3D sequence at the end. Nifty idea, but I needed two Advil afterwards.

And really, this doesn't do much to advance the League's story. It's a fun read, and a masterwork of breaking the rules of a graphic novel, but is it something I would say you *have* to read? No.

In fact, I can sort of see the point of all the rumors saying Alan Moore made this to finish up his contract with DC, so he could take the future adventures of the League elsewhere.

A beautiful work of modern art, but not the best comic I've read lately.

Movie Report: The Terminator (1984)

I'm not sure you could have lived in the U.S. in the last 20 years and *not* seen The Terminator.

But it had been a long time since I'd watched it, and with the Sarah Connor Chronicles on TV I was interested in checking out the original again.

It's a great, simple concept. In the future, machines take over and rule humanity. One man leads humanity to fight back. So the machines build a time machine and travel back to kill the man's mother before he's born, ending the resistance before it begins.

Of course, there's gotta be complications. The resistance sends back a fighter to protect mom. And if this hadn't happened, would the child have been born, would he have been raised in a way that made him the man he was in the future?

Time travel paradoxes ... you've got to love them.

So you've got a good vs. evil conflict without a lot of gray (The Terminator is eeevil unstoppable) and a stellar script that elevates the film to classic status.

And what can you say? It's the ultimate Arnold Schwarenegger role. That's why they call him the governator.

Wonderful tension in the action scenes, wonderful lighting (much of the movie is in darkness or the soft light of dawn) and a great electronic score add to the perfection. Yes, some of the special effects are hokey by today's standards, but that's to be expected. And given the strength of the rest of the movie, easily forgiven.

Bonus: Look for Bill Paxton and the Alien Bounty Hunter from X-Files as the punks Arnie steals clothes from.