You Knit What? Fashion Is Murder

The only thing I can figure out on this one is that some knit designer watched a "CSI" marathon on Spike TV.

And somewhere in the 12th hour of Grissom and Sara's wacky antics, said knit designer thought to herself ... "Gee I wish I had a purse that looked like a cross-section of brain. I'd knit it in blood red, so it looks like something left on a autopsy table."

And that, my friends, is how this purse was born. It's a Lion Brand free pattern, just in case you want a brainy cross-section for your very own. Try making it in a pinkish-gray!

You Knit What? Grassy Knolls

Do you wear it or mow it? Because this looks like Easter grass that got a little out of control.

Also, if you're going to wear a long-sleeved, turtleneck sweater, don't ya think it should be a little longer than a boobcover? Because she's gonna get cold.

This is why eyelash yarn should be a controlled substance, like heroin.

You Knit What? Funny Frump

Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.

You Knit What? The Dalek Invasion Continues

A good sale at Hobby Lobby and knitted Daleks will EXTERMIN-KNIT the world. :-)

You Knit What? EXTERMINATE!!!!!

So I have to wonder ... has anyone every looked at their needles and yarn and thought: "You know, the thing I want most in this crazy world is to make a shapeless, overblown monstrosity of a body covering with really, really big bobbles that will make me look like a classic Doctor Who villain."

Because really, what more can we ask of our clothing?

Daleks! Dominating the world of fashion, and then taking over the planet! It's all part of their nefarious plan!

You think I'm kidding, don't you! Well HA! I couldn't even make up something this hideous!



I don't know where to get this pattern, and I don't want to know. It's possible the United Nations has destroyed all copies in an effort to bring about world peace. Good luck.

You Knit What? Koigu Krazyness

OK, I'm behind on my You Knit What? posts, because I've been trying to catch up on my reviews. Let me know what you like better.

But these ... I don't have the words for how hideous these pants are. Why in the name of pie would any one knit a crazy quilt with legs, much less wear it? In public?

I'm sure Koigu is a very nice yarn. I've heard it makes lovely socks and shawls, and many knitters swear by it. But in the name of all that's holy, don't wear it on your ass!

Because this is the ugliest pair of clown pants I've seen in a loooong time.

If you want to knit them, seek professional help. If that doesn't work, you can find the pattern here.

You Knit What? Indian Summer Collar

Do I wear it or hang it on my door? Is it a leftover prop from a wacky high-school production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream"? Are those feathery things alive?

Inquiring minds must know!

I'm normally a fan of Magknits, but boy -- this one is *out* there. It's like if all those Red Hat ladies came together and created a Frankenstein's monster of fashion that is part scarf, part middle school leaf collection and all icky. It's the worst of the plastic canvas, creepy doll-head old lady crafts ... but you're supposed to wear it. On purpose.

If you want it, you can find it here. Elf shoes not included.

You Knit What? It's a Bloody Mess

Nothing says high fashion like a sweater shell that looks like it was knit out of strips of bloody paper towels.

Want to recycle? Wear bloody paper towels. Want to make a political statement? Bloody paper towels. Want clothing that is both scratchy and hideous?

Is there nothing bloody paper towels can't do?

And if you're wondering about what to wear with your plasma-drenched masterpiece, you can always go for the blood scarf, which is knitted from medical tubing filled with ... well, you know where this is going.

So what's worse -- the bloody sweater, or the plight of this poor woman, who has been coerced by some Bridezilla into knitting *legwarmers* out of the nasty stuff. For the bridesmaids to wear at the wedding. At the outdoor wedding that's being held in Missouri. In December.

That will be the classiest wedding since Britney Spears humped some guy's leg in Vegas.

If you really want to knit this -- and if you do, send me a picture -- you can find the shell pattern here.

You Knit What? Desperate Housefrau

Normally, I have much love for Knitty. Love it, watch it, knit stuff from it. (Bobbilicious, for example) But once in a while they pass Edgy and are on a road straight to Weird.

When Knitty hits, it's straight up faboo. When they miss, though -- boy howdy, look out. I was going to label this as my YKW, because crossed ribbons over your ass -- not the best idea. But if you've got the badonkadonk for the job, I guess this one could work. So it passes.


But I gotta ask, what's with the obsession of knitting questionable things for your head? First the Leia wig, now this. What's wrong with a nice hat?

Like I need any help looking frumpy when I leave the house. I can do that all on my own, thank you. If I wanna look *really* bad, I'll wear my mint green Mickey jammies, and my sweetie will pretend he doesn't know me. But I'm not gonna wear this. You can't make me.

If you want to knit this, here's the pattern. Knock yourself out -- just don't blame me if you get weird looks in the cereal aisle.

You Knit What? Isn't she cold?

It's a sweater! No wait -- it's string art! Maybe it's leftover from a "Survivor" challenge -- connect the pieces in the right order and win reward.


All I know is, if I'm gonna spend all the time and effort it takes to knit a sweater, I want the whole danged thing.

I'm also not sure I'd want to spend $39 a skein on the silk/mohair blend that this beauty is knitted in -- $200 in yarn (needs 5 skeins) and you don't even get the shoulders?

This little charmer will appear in the winter issue of Interweave Knits. Be sure to reserve your copy today.

You Knit What? Help Me Obi-Wan

Ok, this is kind of scary, and kind of funky fabulous. The jury's still out kids -- tell me what you think.

I have a gorgeous Leia costume in my closet that my mother-in-law made for me. And the last time I wore it for a party, it took *forever* and a whole lot of hair spray to get my hair in something resembling her 'do. It takes a lot more hair than I have.

But even though the knitted Leia wig now exists, I still think I'll go with hair extentions the next time display my Star Wars geekiness.

Want to knit it? Find it here.

You knit what? Color Me Dead

In honor of the late, great blog You Knit What, Blogs on Fyre is pleased to present the Technicolor Gallows Bag!

Seriously -- what did those little dolls do to deserve being hung by their little yarn necks until dead? Was it some sort of mass suicide? And what statement was the designer going for -- "The souls of the dead will protect your knitting"?

I didn't see one of the fall's big fashion trends being voodoo, but I could be wrong. I haven't picked up Vogue in a while.

Don't fret! This bag could be salvaged -- just make the dolls in multiracial colors and call it a tribute to this season's "Survivor."

BTW -- if you have an urge to knit something multicolored and macabre, you can find the pattern here.