Book Report: Twilight

I kept hearing how good these books were, how I was missing out, yadda, yadda, so when I had a gift certificate and I saw the first one in softcover I picked it up (along with a lovely book of scarf patterns).

And while it was fun while it lasted (enough so that I might even pick up the second one), I've gotta say a few things.

It was so emo. So, so, so, emo. So emo that emo is like sunshine in comparison. So emo that it makes black look like white. So emo that it makes seasons six and seven of Buffy look like Hello Kitty Adventures.

It's so emo that my friend J-Man and I could play a "find the emo" game. Open up the book to any random page and find the emo. It's ridiculously easy.

That's a whole lotta emo, yo. You gotta be prepared for that!

Secondly, glitter vampires? WTF?

Thirdly, Bella's kind of a bitch. Yeah, she's supposed to be wonderful and perfect and all (in a kind of Mary Sue way), but she manipulates people (poor Jacob) to get what she wants, lies constantly, pouts because she's popular, whines a lot, has an almost supernatural ability to get into and cause trouble, and goes totally stupid over a boy to the point that everything in her life revolves around whether or not Edward's being nice to her today.

Why does she love Edward sooooo much? Because he's a beautiful, perfect, glitter vampire. If he was fugly, she wouldn't have given him the time of day. Vapid wench.

And since we're talking about Edward, he's pretty and all, but kinda boring. He alternates between telling Bella she's perfect and amazing and wonderful and smells good, and telling her to shut up and be a good little pet human. He is not terribly interesting in either mode. And why, after decades of being alone, does he suddenly decide that this stupid so-and-so is his one and only? I don't get it.

Finally, why, oh why, did the bad guy suddenly decide he had to have himself a piece of Bella? Was it some supernatural thing, or did the author realize she'd written 400 pages of emo sighing and longing glances, and needed some action to keep the reader from falling asleep?

So it was another of those books that I had a good enough time reading, but looking back, I can't figure out why. Odd.