Movie Report: "The New World"

This is a very pretty movie. The scenery is pretty, the photography is pretty, and the actors are very pretty -- except for some of the English, and they aren't supposed to be pretty.

There are long, pretty shots of rivers and trees and happy Native Americans doing happy Native American things. The English aren't doing happy things, unless they are in England, which is either dirty and crowded or full of very large, very green lawns, depending on where you are. The lawns are very pretty.

The pacing is glacial -- but that just leaves more time for pretty pictures.

The music is pretty -- which is good, because hardly anyone talks, and most of that is in voiceover. When people do talk, they tend to mumble. So don't bother trying to listen -- it's not that important anyway.

And of course, just like Disney, the filmmakers have to invent a passionate romance between John Smith and Pocahontas. She was 12 years old people -- there is no historical evidence they ever had a fling. But Q'orianka Kilcher is very pretty -- which may explain why Colin Farrell, who plays John Smith, goes through most of the movie looking like he has been struck in the head with something heavy.

He's still pretty, though.

The film is pretty long, too -- I think I saw the 17-hour DVD edit. But don't go into this looking for a movie -- it's a visual poem. And it's pretty.