Movie Report: "The Ref"

So like I've said, I keep a list of things I need to review for the three of you who read this blog. (And I love all three of you!)

And every time I think I'm catching up, I spend a few days at home, or I watch a whole bunch of stuff at once, or I just don't feel like blogging for a day or ten. And my short list is a page long. Again.

So that's happened again, damn it all. But since I'm going to feel silly reviewing Christmas movies in the middle of January, I'm skipping ahead some. You're just gonna have to wait a bit for my eloquent musings about "Happy Feet."

I know it's tough, but try to buck up, little campers.

Just like there are movies I *must* watch every Halloween, there are movies I *must* watch every Christmas season. I can skip the egg nog, I only use candy canes for decoration, but if it's Christmas, I'm watching holiday movies. And this 1994 comedy was first into the DVD player.

A burglar is forced to take a bickering, disfunctional couple hostage on Christmas Eve. When the delinquent son and horrid in-laws show up, he's got to referee the fights, solve their problems and save Christmas -- suddenly twenty years in the slammer doesn't sound so bad.

You've got Denis Leary and Kevin Spacey -- hard to go wrong there. The movie's just funny as hell, and it's got classic line after classic line.

You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.

And it reminds me of what a lot of real holiday gatherings are like -- you're trapped, it's messy, troubled and full of hurt feelings, misunderstandings and people you're related to but don't particularily like.

Because what family doesn't have the crazy aunt trying to "find herself"? The delinquent kid? The couple who *hate* one another and are always fighting? The old bat/bastard everyone secretly despises?

Christmas ... a hostage situation. With pie.

/em looks around ... OK, maybe it's just me. But you can't tell me I'm the only one whose family discussed anti-depressant dosages, forced surrogate parenting or child abduction at Thanksgiving.

I am? ... Damnit.

Oh well -- my family's not big on the gathering in one place anymore, anyway. It's not good for the cosmic balance.

If the holidays make you a little crazy, try this movie. At least you'll know you're not alone.