Comic Report: Uncanny X-Men 1980 (Issues 129-140)

I have three words for you ...

DARK PHOENIX SAGA

Because 1980 was *the* year for the X-Men. The Hellfire Club. The White Queen. The Black Queen. DARK PHOENIX. The battle on the moon with the Shi'ar. The tears. The renewal, in the form of Kitty Pryde. Alpha Flight. The Wendigo. The introduction of Dazzler, for gawds sake.

There is not an issue put out in 1980 that wasn't simply fantastic.

I don't even know what to say. If you're a comic fan, you've read these issues. If you're not, go out and read them, and then you will be a comic fan.



Jean sacrfices herself to remain human. To be the woman that she was. Because she can't be the Phoenix anymore, she can't control that power. And because the only thing she can do to atone for the millions of lives lost is to offer up her own.

No matter how many times they ressurrect her, no matter how much Marvel screws with the continuity, she is Jean. She is eternal. And this is her story.

Movie Report: The Warriors (1979)

Warriors! Come out and plaaaayyyy!

A Greek myth colored with neon and spray paint, The Warriors is the story of a group of Coney Island gangers far from their turf and accused of a murder they didn't commit.

Now they've got to get home. That's it -- that's the entire plot. It's minimalistic and simply fabulous.

This is a hostile, alien, nocturnal world, with empty streets, yawning subway tunnels and ever present tension. There's a lot of people who want to kill these guys, and the futuristic, over-the-top gangs in baseball uniforms, sequins and dirty t-shirts are frightening in their grace and fury.

Especially their grace. It's obvious that a lot of the people hired for this film were dancers, and it shows in the brutal ballets of the fight scenes.

Maybe it looks a bit dated today, but I wouldn't change a thing. The camera work, the music, the air of desperation ... anyone who tries to remake this perfection with stupid script and a cast of pretty boys and singers should be punched in the face.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

Comic Report: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier

Mired in copyright lawsuits and corporate wrangling for gods knows how long, the third volume of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was finally released as a standalone graphic novel.

The plot, if you can call it that, is simple. Mina Harker (now a leggy blonde) and Alan Quartermain (who's grown young again and posing as his own son) sneak back into an Orwellian 1940s England. The oppressive government has a book about the League's adventures that Mina and Alan want to read, even though they star in most of them. The government wants to stop them.

So you get a dizzying array of letters, plays, documents, magazine articles, stories and even government-produced porn, all telling a bit of what happened between the end of the second volume and now. In between are sandwiched bits of chase scenes and a more traditional story, but the government opposition isn't that great and the end, where Mina and Alan get away, is never really in doubt.

And everything is a literary Where's Waldo, with literally dozens of characters from the past 200 years making guest appearances. If you're not familiar with the past 100 or so years of literature, most of this is going to go right over your head. I'm positive I didn't catch them all.

I could *not* get through the Beat pastiche in one sitting. Ouch.

Also ouch was the headache-inducing 3D sequence at the end. Nifty idea, but I needed two Advil afterwards.

And really, this doesn't do much to advance the League's story. It's a fun read, and a masterwork of breaking the rules of a graphic novel, but is it something I would say you *have* to read? No.

In fact, I can sort of see the point of all the rumors saying Alan Moore made this to finish up his contract with DC, so he could take the future adventures of the League elsewhere.

A beautiful work of modern art, but not the best comic I've read lately.

Movie Report: The Terminator (1984)

I'm not sure you could have lived in the U.S. in the last 20 years and *not* seen The Terminator.

But it had been a long time since I'd watched it, and with the Sarah Connor Chronicles on TV I was interested in checking out the original again.

It's a great, simple concept. In the future, machines take over and rule humanity. One man leads humanity to fight back. So the machines build a time machine and travel back to kill the man's mother before he's born, ending the resistance before it begins.

Of course, there's gotta be complications. The resistance sends back a fighter to protect mom. And if this hadn't happened, would the child have been born, would he have been raised in a way that made him the man he was in the future?

Time travel paradoxes ... you've got to love them.

So you've got a good vs. evil conflict without a lot of gray (The Terminator is eeevil unstoppable) and a stellar script that elevates the film to classic status.

And what can you say? It's the ultimate Arnold Schwarenegger role. That's why they call him the governator.

Wonderful tension in the action scenes, wonderful lighting (much of the movie is in darkness or the soft light of dawn) and a great electronic score add to the perfection. Yes, some of the special effects are hokey by today's standards, but that's to be expected. And given the strength of the rest of the movie, easily forgiven.

Bonus: Look for Bill Paxton and the Alien Bounty Hunter from X-Files as the punks Arnie steals clothes from.

Movie Report: Rollerball (1975)

I can't help but be fond of the 1970s version of the "future."

It's such a great, mod look, with lots of glass and white furniture and women willing to sleep with anyone. Seriously, it is *so* easy to get laid in movies like Logan's Run or Rollerball.

So in this version of the year 2018, there's no war and no crime, but everybody is obsessed with a violent, bloody game called Rollerball. So the people get their bread and circuses, and the corporations rule the world.

In this is James Caan, playing a guy who's the best Rollerball player ever. He's too good, in fact -- people are forgetting that this is a team sport. So the corporation he works for orders him to retire ... or else.

So you get some nifty cool action sequences, some cool sets and someone blows up a couple trees for a random reason, but really, this movie is about the interplay between Caan and John Houseman as the uber evil corporate executive. Theirs is the real deathmatch, and it's masterfully done.

Skip the ridiculous remake, and check out the original for some classic Orwellian sci-fi.

Sex, sports and social commentary.

Movie Report: Tell Your Children (Reefer Madness) (1936)

If you haven't seen this "cautionary tale" about the dangers of marijuana, you're missing out. It's hysterical!

A kooky riff on the horrible things that happen to teens who fall into jazz, sex, liquor and drugs, Reefer Madness is outrageously, crazily, over-the-top, with dire warnings of destruction, visions of doom, overly righteous narration and all.

Basically, a group of clean-cut "teens" (who all look to be in their 30s) get a whiff of marijuana. And in minutes, they're all homicidal, perverted, rapist, dope-head fiends! It's a laugh riot!

The Gone with the Wind of 1930s exploitation flicks.

Movie Report: Walk the Line (2005)

For a while, everyone who was anyone in Hollywood was playing a 1960s musician. But some pretty good movies came out of this fad, so I'll give it a pass.

But what I like about Walk the Line isn't the Johnny Cash story. Have a tragic childhood, get married too young, get famous, get drunk, yadda, yadda. It's a good tale, but we've seen it so many times by now that it's become cliche.

But the romance between him and June ... Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon were absolutely fabulous. It's sweet and sincere without being sentimental. They have such chemistry.

The music, of course, is great, and Phoenix and Witherspoon actually did their own singing. So while it might be labeled as just another music biopic, what we really got was an old-school Hollywood musical.

I keep watching this when I see it on cable. Maybe I'll have to break down and buy the DVD.

Movie Report: Wheels on Meals (1984)

Another Jackie Chan feature, courtesy of Dish Network HD.

OK, this one is just weird. I don't know why it's set in Spain. I don't know why the first scene had Jackie and friends skateboarding while wearing atrocious 1980s pastels, and then the *next* scene had them waking up and starting their day.

Is the skateboarding a dream sequence? Or just bad editing?

The plot involves something about a hottie pickpocket who's really a missing heiress, and Sammo Hung in a stupid bowler hat playing a would-be private dick. And normally, you can just ignore the plot in a Kung Fu flick. Unfortunately, in this one the plot is *so* bad, and *so* ridiculous that it overwhelms everything else.

There's a ridiculous van-car chase, *more* skateboarding, a Chinese pop song, and finally, 10 minutes before the end, one good fight scene.

Save yourself -- this one's just not worth watching.

Movie Report: Wuthering Heights (1939)

I read the novel Wuthering Heights over and over again in high school. It was one of my absolute favorites. Odd that it took me so long to watch the movie.

Now, this is pretty Hollywoodized. The movie only covers the first 19 or so chapters of the book, a ton of characters get dropped, and instead of being set in the late 1700s, the costumes are an odd mish-mash of Victorian and American Civil War that may have been left over from some other MGM costume pic.

But the bones of a great story are still there. Laurence Olivier makes a wonderful Heathcliff -- dark, brooding and bitter. Merle Oberon is exotic and luminous as Catherine. Don't make the mistake of loving these characters, though -- they're two of a kind. Vain, selfish, greedy and wicked, they destroy the lives of everyone around them. Their love couldn't result in anything *but* tragedy.

If you cut the horrible, hokey ending scene, this is a complex, disturbing love story.

Movie Report: There Will Be Blood (2007)

Wow.

It's not often these days that I see a movie and think "Twenty years from now, thirty years, people will still be watching this movie and learning things from it."

Daniel Day-Lewis is simply fabulous. Not just because he gives a great performance, which he does, but because his portrayal is awe-inspiring, mesmerizing and mortifying.

The movie has a slow, deliberate pace, but it doesn't dawdle. The pacing gives weight to an already powerful script, giving the story and performances time and space to develop.

Of course, no one in the movie really stands up to Daniel Day-Lewis, and I don't think anyone really could. But Paul Dano is downright creepy as a evangelical kid preacher, and he proves a quiet foil for Lewis' more theatrical performance.

Beautifully shot and directed, everything about this movie is epic. Old-school Hollywood epic.

Exhausting, powerful and compelling.

Movie Report: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Normally, I'm not a big fan of the modern-day adaptations of Shakespeare. Somehow, I just don't find Romeo and Juliet more meaningful when it's set in a trailer park.

But this adaptation of Taming of the Shrew is pretty cute. It's got a humorous script and a strong cast (for a teen flick). And the Shakespeare references are more tongue-in-cheek than slap-you-upside-the head.

I would have loved to have been as cool in high school as Julia Stiles is in this movie. And she's playing Kat, who's supposed to be the freakish, uptight bitch! Her sister, who's supposed to be the pretty, popular one, is annoying vapid and shallow -- I found myself just wishing she'd get the hell off the screen.

But really, the biggest reason to watch this movie is Heath Ledger. This is one of his early American roles, and he's just electric. He gives a stupid teen movie heart, soul and tons of sex appeal. Him singing "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" is a highlight of the entire teen movie genre.

Damn it's depressing that we're not going to see an actor this talented in any more movies.

Book Report: Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation

There are few things that prove my geekiness more than this. I read a book about grammar. Not only did I read it, I'm blogging about it.

From what I've seen, people either really liked this book, or they really hated it. But most of them are missing the point.

I saw the book as a clever and humorous attempt to point out how the myriad of horrendous grammatical errors one sees every single day impair meaning and understanding. If you look at it as a grammar guide, it's only so-so. The author sticks to the British rules, and even then she gleefully breaks them when she chooses.

So the sticklers hate this book.

But then again, if you listen to grammar nerds, they never agree. I've seen copy editors almost come to blows over the placement of a semi-colon. Because here's the thing -- almost everyone learned grammar a little differently. If you get four or five grammar books, you'll get four or five slightly different instructions on what to do. Ultimately, the sticklers will never agree, because they can't.

Punctuation exists to help make the writer's intent clear. Most of the time, we follow standard rules to make it so. It's still means "it is." But the tricky little points?

The English language is a live thing. It changes and flows as time does. The rules today might not be the same as the rules in ten years.

I'm a grammar nerd, but even I know when to say when.

Movie Report: Dragons Forever (1988)

So one of the channels we have on the HD is an all kick-flick channel. And occasionally it is even worth watching.

And then there's times when I'm really bored and Jackie Chan is on.

This one is kinda weird because Jackie's character is kinda shady. He plays a hot-shot lawyer who's hired to cover up a chemical plant possibly polluting a nearby water source.

But who cares about the plot -- it's obvious that the filmmakers didn't. What's notable about Dragons Forever is that we get to see three great Hong-Kong fighters in the same movie -- Chan, Sammo Hung and Yuen Baio. And this movie is basically a showcase for their talents. They battle each other throughout the movie, and the finale, which involves a lot of improvisation and acrobatic stunts, is worth sitting through the mess of a story.

I wouldn't make an extreme effort to find this rare movie, unless you're a real kick-flick fan. And if you're that big of a fan, you might have already seen it.

Movie Report: The Holiday (2006)

Ah, the romantic comedy. You all know what it means, and what to expect when you see one. If you don't like that, don't watch this one.

Two women on the verge of various emotional breakdowns (Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz) swap houses for the holidays. Of course, in new surroundings (an amazingly typical English cottage complete with sheep and a too-chic L.A. mansion) they both work out their problems, find new perspectives on their lives and find "unexpected" love. All before the end credits.

Formulaic as it is -- wonderful women with scoundrel fellas get the Cute, Nice Guys They Deserve with a side dish of cute kids, charming elderly people, puppy dogs and snowflakes -- I watched this movie for Winslet. A fabulous actress who can play this kind of role in her sleep, she adds some unexpected nuances to the typical "pathetic girl" part.

And Jack Black was a nice surprise. I know he can act, but it's far too rare that he breaks out of his funny faces and rock and role mode.

With more Christmas songs than you can shake a candy cane at, The Holiday is a warm, snuggly romance to lose yourself in for a couple of hours. Shallow, sweet and seasonal.

Movie Report: Fool's Gold (2008)

So I wasn't expecting much.

Fool's Gold is a mid-winter filler, not an Oscar winner. But we weren't in the mood for something heavy so this seemed like the best choice.

It's cute. It's silly. It's a reasonably decent date movie. The scenery is gorgeous, and I liked the treasure story. But I like treasure stories. Seeing Donald Sutherland was a bit of a welcome surprise, but the subplot between him and his vapid daughter was pointless. As was the silly rapper with the squeaky voice. My buddy J-Man has more gangsta cred, yo!

And Matthew McConaughey? Not as cute as he thinks he is.

But I enjoy it. In a cute, campy, Saturday afternoon kind of way.

Am I disappointed I spent money on Fool's Gold? Well, let's just say I'm glad my sweetie and I saw a matinee.

Go for a light-hearted giggle, but don't expect more.

Comic Report: Dazzler 1-42, Dazzler: The Movie

So somewhere along the way I developed a slight obsession with Dazzler.

I liked her in New Excalibur, but I kept hearing people crack on her very 1980s book. Now I'm down with the 80s, and also with strong female superheroes. So I decided to check it out.

With a little eBay magic, I had the complete run along with the graphic novel that fell in the middle.

OK, so maybe they tried a little too hard with Dazzler in the beginning. The roller skates were a bit much -- especially when she clipped them onto high heels. No mutant power should have saved her from breaking her damn neck. And did she have to be best buds with *every* hero in the Marvel universe? Did the Avengers really have to take her to an audition in a Quinjet?

But even with that, you get some great scenes. Half of the heroes in New York trying to change into their tights in the men's bathroom of a disco is danged funny. And the Enchantress is a good archnemesis for Dazz -- her ego just won't stand for a heroine who's both beautiful and talented.

And there's no way I can't like a comic that has an issue subtitled "Last Stand in Discoland!"

You get a crazy array of Marvel's finest in these early adventures. Dazzler takes on Dr. Doom, Klaw, the Hulk -- she even briefly serves as a Herald of Galactus!!

That may seem kind of crazy, but it's all explained fairly well. And Dazzler doesn't go in gangbusters -- she knows she's out of her league, and she's just trying to stay alive.

Along the way, too, I started to really like Alison Blaire. Dazzler was really a book ahead of its time. Like Jessica Jones in Alias, Ali never wants to be a superhero. She just wants to be. And the cast of characters that develop from that (her parents, manager, band mates, etc.) are really quite interesting.

So I found myself really enjoying Ali as a person more than Dazzler as a superhero. But since they were so well integrated, I was really grooving on the book.

Then it all falls down.

Writer Danny Fingeroth leaves after issue 27, and the book never recovers. All of the plot lines I was really enjoying are abandoned, in favor of a bunch of nonsense about Ali's stupid half sister.

Ali loses three-fourths of her brain cells, dumps her life and her dreams, and ends up in California trying to "find herself." As an aerobics instructor. And the stories just keep getting lamer.

Dazzler: The Movie had a strong storyline -- Alison being outed as one of the first public mutants -- but I just couldn't get over the terrible choice of a "love interest" for her. Roman would have been a joke to my Ali, the one of the first 27 issues.

And her switch to being a typical superhero at the end of the run? Meh. The magic was gone by that point.

So while I'm a huge Dazzler fan, and I'll pick up almost any story that has her in it, I'm still waiting to see the real Alison Blaire return to comics.

Movie Report: Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

What can I say about the fabulous movie that hasn't already been said?

Yes, I'm a fan. I took off work so I could see this the second it premiered in theaters. I watched it on the big screen nine times. I re-read the books, listened to them on tape in the car (the unabridged version, of course), and bought the merchandise. I still covet Arwen's necklace.

So of course I have both versions on DVD, and every so often I *have* to watch it again. This time was notable because it was the first time since I got my big-ass TV.

It is very, very sweet on a big-ass TV.

If you don't like these movies, don't even bring it up. I don't want to have to hurt you.

Movie Report: To Catch a Thief (1955)

If you haven't figured out that I have a Hitchcock obsession by now, go read another blog. :)

And this is a sorta thriller that's just beautiful. Grace Kelly is at her loveliest in a wonderful series of summer dresses and classic evening gowns (although the gold one is a bit much). Cary Grant is handsome and dashing, as he is in every movie. The French Rivera is impossibly beautiful, with sapphire blue water, charming vistas and adorable little houses. There's not a hint of darkness *anywhere.*

Even in the nighttime scenes, the rooftops the Cat scrambles over seem to glow. It's like something out of a fairy tale. But I will admit it's a little creepy seeing Kelly drive far too fast on the curvy Monaco roads.

I say this is pseudo suspense. Because really, if you're looking for a deep story, try another of Hickcock's movies. This is light and airy -- an escapist fantasy. Yeah, some rich people get robbed, and a couple of people die, but that's not a big deal, is it? This is the closest thing to romantic comedy I've seen out of Hitchcock.

Smart, sophisticated and sparkling.

Movie Report: Captain Blood (1935)

Not as flashy or big budget at The Adventures of Robin Hood, but a great little Errol Flynn adventure flick nonetheless.

Because seriously -- it's tough to go wrong with pirates.

The low budget (this is mostly sound-stage scenes with a couple of models thrown in) allows the focus to be on the story and actors rather than big action sequences.

Flynn plays Peter Blood, a doctor sentenced to indentured servititude after treating rebel wounded. He's sent to Jamaica, where he makes a lot of speeches about freedom and pisses people off, but is saved from death in the mines by Olivia De Havilland, who plays Arabella, the niece of the cruel Colonel Bishop.

Blood of course falls hard for Arabella, but he'd rather be free than a slave with a sweetie. So he wins freedom of movement and some money by being the only doctor who can treat the ailing governor, and uses those victories to round up a motley crew of escaped slaves and debtors, get a ship and escape to the high sea for a life of piracy.

Of course, he's gonna confront the Spanish threatening the port, reunite with Arabella, save the day and live happily ever after -- it's a 1930s movie, after all.

While I liked that this movie wasn't all swordfighting and chandelier swinging, we could have done with a little more swash being buckled. One longish scene of model ships shooting at one another and one swordfight? That's it??

Still, it's fun, fiesty and good for fans of classic cinema.

Hey Bendis!

OK, Bendis -- I cut you a lot of slack because Alias was just so damn good.

But I'm reading this never-ending ridiculous Hood nonsense, and I'd like to point out a few things.

OK, first -- I get that you don't want to be writing superhero comics. I really, really do. You're all sorts of scared that you're gonna lose your indie cred, but you just can't give up the phat Avengers paychecks. Have your personal drama if you want -- but would you please keep your Blue Velvet tendencies out of my damn superhero comics??

And seriously -- leave Tigra alone. Just don't write for her *ever* again. Because you don't get her. And you don't think she's a superhero. Maybe you're distracted by the bikini, or maybe you're a dog person. But the next time I see a superhero go all weepy and cower because of some stupid two-bit hood cosplaying as Little Red Riding Hood, I'm gonna come to your house and ask for my three bucks back.

Check out the stick figures (scroll down). It's a better Avengers comic, and it comes out on time.

TV Report: Clerks the animated series (2000)

A very funny show that was never given a chance by ABC, Clerks had a brief appearance on TV in 2000, and then was resigned to DVD forever.

Continuing the adventures of Jay, Silent Bob, Randall and Dante in a colorful, TV-friendly way (which means they don't say "fuck") this is an off-the-wall, wacky mix of Star Wars references, TV homages, wacky adventures and a bevy of celebrity voices. Seriously, the people they got to do some voice work -- Alec Baldwin, Charles Barkley, Judge Reinhold, James Woods -- is fabulous.

I so wish someone would have given this show a real shot -- ABC messed up the order of the episodes and really dumped it even before it aired -- because it's so freakin' funny. If you are a Clerks fan, you must see the animated series. Or if you understand why this clip is hilarious, you must see this series.



100 percent film-nerd goodness.

Movie Report: The Tale of Zatoichi (1962)

One of the cool things about my high-def package is a channel that runs nothing but kung-fu flicks. My sweetie really likes the Zatoichi movies, so we've been checking a lot of them out lately.

Ichi, a blind swordsman who'd really rather be a gambler and masseur but keeps getting dragged into gang conflicts, is hired by a gang leader who's worried about a possible showdown with another gang.

Gang number two has hired a honest-to-blog samurai to fight on their side, and gang number one's thugs won't be able to defeat him. Ichi can. Unfortnately, he meets the deathly ill samurai and the two forge a friendship. But you just know there's not going to be a happy ending.

As a kung fu flick, it's not the best. There's almost no fighting for three-fourths of the film and the camerawork is spotty at best. As a period drama, it's pretty good. You get a great portrait of the relucant mercenary. Ichi's scenes with a besotted woman and with the dying samurai are sincere without being sentimental. And even the gang members are given time and space to develop as more than sword fodder.