Movie Report: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)

OK, I knew what to expect from the name of the movie: 90 minutes of cock jokes.

And sometimes that works.

An Airplane-style parody of the slew of musical bio pics (Walk the Line, Ray, etc.) this is played hilariously straight. It's so spot-on to the source material that it even pulls many of the same tricks -- middle-aged actors playing teenagers, too much reliance on the drama of drugs, groupies and divorces and glossing over the subject's actual life.

Set to a kick-ass soundtrack, of course.

Now, John C. Reilly can actually *sing* (he got an Oscar nod for Chicago) and Walk Hard uses that to great effect as Dewey performs everything from 50s pop to country to 1960s protest songs and a so-horrible-its-funny disco remake of his greatest "hit." Tim Meadows, who's third-string at best, is surprisingly funny as Dewey's sidekick/drug pusher.

And random full-frontal male nudity must be the new hotness in Hollywood comedies. But then again, with a name like Dewey Cox ...

All that is pretty good, but the real gem of Walk Hard is the script. Almost too clever, the script is jammed with quotable lines that actually get funnier after you leave the theater. It's so smart it needs time to sink in.

Because I left the theater saying "that wasn't bad." Two days later, I'm still laughing every time I remember one of those bits. That's better than "not bad."

Give it a chance, but Walk Hard may need more than one viewing for full effect.

Let's go play machete fight. Ain't no terrible tragedy gonna happen today!

Comic Report: She-Hulk: Planet Without a Hulk

C'mon everybody! We've got one last chance to wrap up every damn plotline in the series!!

Shulkie McBeal ready to forget her "accidental" marriage, but as soon as she returns from dealing with Eros she finds out she's been "recruited" by SHIELD.

Congratulations Jen -- you're now Tony Stark's bitch.

Teamed up with a wacky Hulkbuster team (that includes an android named Agent Cheesecake) Jen takes on Zzzax and the Abomination, the latter of who just seemed to want some hot wings and a showgirl.

Inexplicably, she then spends an issue as Wolverine's sidekick. Not only was it just plain silly to have her fighting Wendigo in her undies (in the snow, of course), Jen seems to be regressing as she hits on Wolverine. Wolvie rejects her, saying he's not interested in Juggernaut's sloppy seconds, leaving Jen protesting that she never did the nasty in the pasty.

Jen then starts up an ill-advised affair with Stark, showing that her taste in men is actually worse than her taste in fashion. But it all goes sour, of course, after she finds out what *really* happened to her cousin and goes apeshit.

While I always enjoy seeing Iron Man get thrown a beating (see Thor) this one seemed like a set-up. It was just another time to show Tony as a dick, as he zaps Jen with a super-weapon that takes her powers away.

Add into all this craziness Awesome Andy's origin and the resolution of his romance with Mallory, the return of Pug (and the resolution of his love for Jen), the fate of comic nerd Stu Cicero, the law firm defending The Leader with an argument that gamma radiation affects the psyche, the deal with Mr. Zix, the return of Jen's powers *and* a story that attempts to explain every comic continuity problem of the last 40 years, and dang -- that's a lot, ya'll!

A decent end to a good run, I would have preferred to see this spread out a bit and given a more careful treatment. But it was still fun.

With the complete reset of She-Hulk, I've added this to my single issue pull list. We'll see if it stays there.

Movie Report: National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007)

Not great, but not bad, either!

Far fetched but ingenious, this movie plays like a video game, right down to having some nifty little puzzle traps.

A crazily convoluted plot boils down to this: History nut sets out to prove his ancestor wasn't the mastermind of the plot to kill Lincoln. Two hours and about 15 clues later, nothing much is proved -- but we found the city of gold, so who cares!

I did have a good time watching it. Oh yeah, I knew the vast majority of the "historical secrets" they dug up (the desks were a neat bit of trivia) and I giggled at the thought of stone levels literally moving the face of a mountain, but I still had a good time.

The characters are likable and fun, and I think that helps. Nicolas Cage was far, far less annoying than he was in Ghost Rider, so bonus points for that. Ed Harris, oddly enough, was the weak link -- but I blame that on the script. He's the bad guy, but he swings wildly from threatening to kill everybody one minute to practically joining the team the next. It's dumb.

The nifty cool car chase in London makes up for that, though -- and props to the director for being one of the only ones lately to use a Steadicam! It was nice to actually be able to *see* what was going on!

Ridiculous, exhausting and entertaining -- and I'm sure there's gonna be a third one.

Movie Report: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

It's a slasher flick. It's a musical.

And I think it's my early Oscar pick.

Because this is simply fabulous. Horrific and hilarious, the photography is perfect (the light/dark contrasts and use of splashes of color are spectacular), the direction tight and reasonably free of Tim Burton's flights of self-indulgent fantasy, and the singing is even pretty good, for a bunch of non-professional singers.

And Johnny Depp ... oh ... my ... gosh. He's crooning lovingly to his razors one minute, and plunging headlong into madness the next. The man can *sing,* and not only is his acting absolutely perfect (and Oscar worthy) he actually manages to still be hot with an inch of pale pancake makeup and a hairdo that's reminescent of the Bride of Frankenstein.

The other performance that can't be ignored is Helena Bonham-Carter. Her Mrs. Lovett has a sweet, sad unrequited love for Todd, and she pours emotion and depth into the performance without resorting to screeching or fawning. She takes a murderous baker and makes her break your heart. It's wonderful.

The trippy seaside sequence is perfect, and keep an eye out for Sasha Baron Cohen proving that he can be more than Borat.

This is an immediate classic, and I'll be buying the DVD the day it is released.

It's been a long time since I enjoyed a movie this much.

Movie Report: The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

What can I say? It was heist night.

This isn't an action movie, or a thriller. It's a stylish, sexy, cat and mouse game between two very charismatic people. Focus on that, and you'll forget that the crime could have been solved by rewinding a security tape back a few more minutes.

The dialogue is snappy and charming, the sets exotic and sumptuous, and the dance scene ... damn. The soundtrack alone is worth checking the movie out, and it enhances the action nicely.

But really, the whole movie hangs on two people: Rene Russo and Pierce Brosnan, and they keep me entertained. Add in a strong supporting performance by Dennis Leary and you've got yourself a nice little turn your brain off date flick.

Movie Report: Entrapment (1999)

Let us have no illusions: The star of this thief flick is Catherine Zeta-Jones' ass.

Because that's all a lot of watchers are going to remember -- Catherine in a catsuit sliding through a web of yarn that supposed to mimic a laser grid. I think the movie was made just for that scene.

But I am a fan of the stylish heist flick, so one night when I was bored I popped this in the DVD player.

Logic is not a big player in this movie. There are repeated bullshit moments, and the plot (which has large chunks stolen from Superman III) is pretty silly. The romance is ridiculous. And for some reason Sean Connery has superpowers -- because I consider repeatedly disappearing into thin air a superpower.

There are the good parts. Catherine Zeta-Jones' ass (if you're into that sort of thing). Sean Connery as an aging master thief adds some needed style and gravitas. The photography is fabulous, and Scotland should be using the gorgeous footage of the castle in the Highlands as a tourism promotion.

But if defeating super high-tech security systems and dancing away with billions in cash and priceless art was as easy as these two make it out to be, I'd be planning my next heist (Starry Night might look good in my living room) instead of writing this blog.

Movie Report: Lust, Caution (2007)

After we left the theater on Tuesday, my sweetie made an interesting observation: Jackie Chan is the only Chinese filmmaker allowed to make a movie with a happy ending.

Not to say that Lust, Caution wasn't lush, beautiful and engaging -- just that it's kind of a downer.

The story of a naive college girl who gets mixed up in the resistance to the Japanese occupation of China, this story is drenched in espionage, fear and tension. Wang's circle of friends goes from putting on patriotic plays to deciding to kill a Chinese collaborator almost as a summer lark.

They have absolutely no idea what they're getting into, and after they insert Wang into Mr. Yee's circle (where she plays the role of a bored housewife) they're at a loss of what to do.

And while there has been a lot of talk among reviewers about the graphic sex scenes (and they are pretty damn graphic) I found the scenes where Wang is "broken in" by a friend and the murder of Yee's employee to have been far more disturbing.

The sex scenes between Wang and Yee, in contrast, are full of lust and emotion, but they're a battle between them. They love one another and hate one another at the same time. When they're having sex, it is the only time they can be alive, without fear or caution.

And the rare scenes where Yee drops his guard and reveals his human side (in the brothel, when he gives Wang the ring) are the best in the film. He may be a seemingly powerful government minister, but he's as trapped and exploited as Wang is.

Director Ang Lee lays the souls of his characters bare, unfolding their lives like flower petals. It's beautiful and heartbreaking.

Comic Report: Teen Titans: Titans Around the World

One year after Infinite Crisis, and the Teen Titans are in shambles.

Superboy is dead. Wonder Girl's off the reservation. Starfire is missing and presumed dead. Beast Boy has rejoined the Doom Patrol. Raven has quit the hero game. Kid Flash is all grown up and is the new Flash. And Cyborg is in assorted non-functioning parts.

From the chaos, though, we get a good, solid relaunch of the title. Some new members (notably Deathstroke's daughter Rose, now calling herself Ravager) join the team. An old Titan is back from the dead. We meet some of the dozens of people who were briefly part of the team in the chaos after Infinite Crisis, and we get the start of a mystery involving them.

And Deathstroke, who is always one of my favorite Titans foes, is back causing trouble. I'm a happy comic fan. There's also hints of greater drama -- Robin has a troubling new hobby, and there's some ... tension between him and Wonder Girl.

In all, a great relaunch to what is a stellar comic series. If you're interested in Teen Titans but unwilling to drop the cash on all of the previous trades, this would be a good place to start.

Comic Report: Teen Titans: Life and Death

Infinite Crisis meets my beloved Teen Titans.

There's several stories in this book. First off, we get Jason Todd continuing his rise-from-the-grave bitchfest by attacking Robin at Titans Tower.

I don't want to see any more of Jason Todd. I actively dislike Jason Todd. He was a whiny little brat when he was Robin, and no one was very sorry to see him dead. Now he's a whiny little murderous brat with dead boy issues. This is not an improvement!!

Somebody, please -- put Jason Todd back in the ground where he belongs.

As if this isn't bad enough, the equally whiny teenaged Brother Blood is back, and this time he's resurrected all the dead Teen Titans to be his new "family." Raven and Beast Boy take a trip to the underworld to find a way to fix the problem, and you get some really nice interaction and the start of an unlikely romance. Awwww.

And since this seems to be the volume of whiny little boys with super powers, Superboy Prime makes his appearance and beats Superboy into super pulp.

In the most formulaic part of the storyline, Robin and the Titans have to brave a bunch of Lex Luthor's deathtraps to retrieve a serum that will save Connor's life. Yawn.

But Connor is saved, and he and Cassie retreat to Smallville for some soul searching and some nookie ... in a barn. Awww.

Now, I know some people have criticized the sex scene, but I thought it was very tastefully done. They're teenagers, they've been dating for a long time and geeze -- if you faced death every day, wouldn't you want a little touch after all this time?

And then there's the Infinite Crisis, and the Titans teaming up with Donna Troy to thwart Fanboy Prime and not-Luthor.

Poor Connor. At least he got lucky before that all went down.

TV Report: Night Stalker (2005)

As a fan of the old Night Stalker movies and TV show, I was stoked to hear there was going to be a new version on TV.

I didn't watch it, for some reason, and I guess no one else did either, because it was canned after a handful of episodes. Now you can get all of the ones that were produced on DVD.

This had potential, but I think it was far too much of a slow burn for the television crowd. You got hints of mystery and a bigger conspiracy, but no reveals.

And the Carl Kolchak in this version is very, very different from the one we old school fans know and love. Stuart Townshend played Kolchak as a sleepwalking male model, not a middle-aged, blustering hack in a straw hat.

And if that weren't bad enough, he gets saddled with a perky reporter/sidekick/love interest/rival (Gabrielle Union) and a kid photographer who follow him around like puppies. Someone obviously was aiming for the Clark/Lois/Jimmy vibe, and I don't think that works for Kolchak. He's supposed to be the lone voice in the darkness.

Vincenzo was even warm, fuzzy and completely supportive of Kolchak's investigations. I was very confused.

Of course, it was chock full of those newspaper inaccuracies that make me giggle. Like the complete lack of journalistic ethics, reporters and photographers wandering through crime scenes like its a cocktail party, and journalists who live lives of the rich and famous.

Kolchak's a lowly crime reporter -- who drives a shiny new tricked-out Mustang and lives in an amazing house in the Hollywood Hills complete with an in-ground pool. On a reporter's salary.

Yeah, right. Tell me another fairy tale.

Everything about this show was languid and hypnotic. The pacing, the stories, the long, lingering shots of L.A. -- even the music and narration, which was reminiscent of a credit card commercial. There was absolutely no urgency or intensity, and that was sorely needed.

So it had promise, but never lived up to it. Pity.

Movie Report: I Am Legend (2007)

I really, really liked the first four-fifths of this movie.

Much like The Last Man on Earth, I Am Legend does a great job with setting up the bleak existence of the sole survivor of a vampire/zombie virus that has decimated the planet. The suspense scenes, in particular, are exceptional. It's rare these days to find a movie that's actually scary.

And Will Smith does a phenomenal job with the main role, packing it full of emotion and anger sliding into insanity. You laugh with him, you cry with him, you jump out of your seat when he gets scared, and you cheer for him.

Which is odd, because one of the basic questions of this movie is "who is the monster?" Has Neville's mindless pursuit of a "cure" and an end to the zombie plague made him the one to be feared?

Unfortunately, two big things mar this film. The CGI work on the animals and the zombies is subpar at best. You always know you're looking at a computer-generated animation.

And the stupid kid and pseudo-happy ending may have made the film execs happy, but I didn't like them at all. They spent so much time painting this dark portrait of madness and despair -- and then tossed in some daisies for no damn reason.

I think if I watch this again on cable or DVD, I'll turn it off five minutes before the end. Then it will be a great flick.

Movie Report: Blade Runner (1982)

One of the many advantages of living in the Bay area is a wider selection of movies than in the Midwest.

So I thank geography for getting to see the new director's cut of Blade Runner on the big screen.

This is, for many people, the sci-fi movie. And while I'll grant it is one of the giants of the genre, I think it's up to personal taste whether it's THE BEST MOVIE EVER.

I love Blade Runner because it's a hard-boiled noir detective drama wrapped in a sci-fi shell. And the filmmakers acknowledge that -- the dark photography, the dialogue, the moody jazz and blues soundtrack -- even some of the costumes and hair could have been lifted straight out of a Sam Spade flick.

It's postmodern, it's disjointed, it's fantasy, fear and futurism -- and it's got one of the best villain speeches ever put on film.

You're not a fan of sci-fi films unless you've watched this movie (in its multiple versions) multiple times and had a late-night argument about it over coffee. Maybe pizza.

But I still kinda miss the narration.

Comic Report: Teen Titans/Outsiders: The Insiders

Pre-Infinite Crisis, there was a break in the Teen Titans, where you knew *something* had happened but no one would say what.

This is what happened.

Superboy decides it's time he told the Titans he's got two daddies -- he's a clone of Superman and Lex Luthor. Then he kicks the team's collective asses, shaves his head and takes off.

Around the same time, we meet Indigo, the cutesy robotic member of the Outsiders.
Now she's glowing with funky pink circuitry and calling herself Braniac 8.

That ain't good. It's time for some multi-issue fight scenes occasionally broken up with crying about betrayal.

It's obvious that this was set up since the very beginning of the Teen Titans relaunch, and while it's not bad, it's not high comic art either. But it does get the team in position for Infinite Crisis, and Connor in the headspace he needed to be in for that storyline.

Pick it up if you want to know how Cassie got crunched, but it's not essential reading.

Manga Report: Ai Yori Aoshi 17

And at long last we've reached the end of our story.

The resolution to the Kaoru-Not Kaoru situation seems kinda rushed, but it works. There's some drama, some tears, and then everybody's happy.

The main part of this volume seems to be the big deal of this entire 17-volume manga. They finally do THE DEED. But these chapters didn't work for me -- maybe it's because there was a little too much resigned giving and not as much um ... enjoying?

We get a flash forward to the future, and get to see where everyone ended up. It's cool, but also feels tacked on.

Anyway, happily ever after, and Kaoru finally gets laid.

Movie Report: Cat People (1942)

This is one of my favorite of the classic horror flicks, and it's cool because of what it *doesn't* show you.

It's a premise you might not think would work: Sweet Serbian girl lives in New York and thinks she's cursed. If she falls in love, she'll turn into a cat person and go on a rampage.

So we've got an elaborate metaphor for the loss of virginity and repressed lesbianism and ... the All-American fella who loves her.

Married but not getting any, Oliver turns to a co-worker for some ... satisfaction. Enraged and wild with jealousy (and egged on by a freaky psychologist) Irena lets her inner kitty loose and wreaks some serious havoc.

This is an understated, suggestive story that uses what you don't see to greater effect than any cheesy catwoman costume could have. One of the best and creepiest scenes involves the other woman being followed in the park. First you hear the clicking of the heels of her stalker ... then you don't. It's a great scene that has been redone in dozens of movies.

Shadows and suggestion, this is one of the absolute best psychological thrillers made. I can watch it again and again and get something new every time.

Movie Report: Enemy of the State (1998)

I have no idea why I stayed up late to watch this, but I did.

A reasonably entertaining action thriller, Enemy stars Will Smith (not quite succeeding in the Everyman role) as a top-flight attorney who gets caught up in a big government murder conspiracy completely by accident.

The biggest thing this movie has going for it is its supporting cast. Jon Voight, Gene Hackman, Gabriel Byrne, Jason Lee, Seth Green, Jack Black -- they hit it out of the park as far as casting goes. It's even got Lisa Bonet as the smoking-hot ex-girlfriend turned co-worker from wives' nightmares.

Nice little movie that plays upon the fears of Big Brother and constant observation (is anyone reading this? oh noes!) Enemy was made in 1998, but seems to be almost prophetic of the post 9/11 world.

But political commentary is *not* why someone watches a movie on late-night cable. So stay up for this one for its kick-ass chase scene and classic movie references.

Not bad, but not worth going out of your way for.

Movie Report: No Country for Old Men (2007)

Why do so many Coen brothers movies involve dead guys and a bag full of money?

This movie is about three things: Temptation, cynicism and evil. Evil, evil, evvvvillll!

And it's bleak. It's dark. It's vicious. And it's as sparse as the wind-swept West Texas landscape where it's set.

There is not a spot of humor to relieve all the darkness. And ultimately, nothing the good guys do (and good guys is a relative term here) makes any difference. It's almost nihilistic -- don't go if you're already depressed.

Two things stood out for me -- Tommy Lee Jones was absolutely perfect, as always, as the beaten-down sheriff. And Javier Bardin was creepy, psycho creepy as Anton. Given that he goes through the movie with a haircut that would not look out of place on a Monkee, that's saying something.

Good movie, but crazy depressing.

Dark, dark, DARK.