You Knit What? Grassy Knolls

Do you wear it or mow it? Because this looks like Easter grass that got a little out of control.

Also, if you're going to wear a long-sleeved, turtleneck sweater, don't ya think it should be a little longer than a boobcover? Because she's gonna get cold.

This is why eyelash yarn should be a controlled substance, like heroin.

Comic Report: Sin City: Booze, Broads and Bullets

A fun little collection of Sin City stories that appeared in various comics, we get the return of Marv, a comedy piece about Klump and Schlubb, Miho, some standalones (Rats is downright creepy, and Daddy's Little Girl is twisted in a Sin City way) -- there's even a new reoccurring character, Blue Eyes, an abused wife turned assassin for hire.

What's more interesting than some of the stories, though, is Miller's artwork and use of color. Figures walking in snow, the way fabric or leather drapes a female form -- Miller does some of his best artwork in these shorter stories. And, as he used yellow to great effect in That Yellow Bastard, so does he here with pink in Daddy's Little Girl, red in The Babe Wore Red and blue when dealing with Blue Eyes. The splash page of Blue Eyes in a blue dress may be one of his best works to date.

I'm glad to see that Sin City quickly got back on track after Family Values.

Comic Report: Sin City: Family Values

Dwight and Miho are back, and there's killin' to be done!

Dwight does the ladies of Old Town a favor, and Miho tags along 'cause she likes to kill people while wearing Rollerblades.

The plot ... ah hell, who cares about the plot -- Miho's killin' people! It involves a underworld war, a bunch of trigger-happy Mafia, a dog, a hooker, and ... well, it doesn't matter much anyway.

Dwight gets some good moments, such as when he tells a nosy female cop to "spank me and call me Belinda. That's what Douglas does!" Or when he comforts a broken-down, alcoholic prostitute who calls him her "angel." But mostly, this is about blood, guts and more blood.

This is a quick 120-page or so read, but after That Yellow Bastard, it was a letdown.

Comic Report: Sin City: That Yellow Bastard

Had enough of sugary anime? How about a sadistic pedophile instead!

At least I can say I have a wide range of interests.

J and I picked up some more Sin City trades at a comic store we don't normally frequent. We were really there to get some comic drawer boxes, which are heavy as heck and 24 shades of awesome. We've transferred our entire collection into these boxes, and it's so, so nice to be able to pull a drawer open and actually access the books inside.

Now I just need to get approximately 8,000 bags and boards to replace the crappy ones on all the 1980s comics.

That Yellow Bastard was one of the stories in the Sin City movie, with Bruce Willis as Hartigan. So you probably know the plot.

Hartigan may be the only honest-to-gods hero in the Sin City universe. He's not a thug like Marv or a criminal like Dwight. His desire to help others and personal honor are what keep tripping him up. If he'd just walk away, he'd live happily ever after. But Hartigan can't do that.

So he willingly goes through hell for a little girl he barely knows. That's a hero.

With a bittersweet, poignant love story and heroism, savagery, revenge, evil, betrayal and one of the nastiest villains to come along in a long time (I think Senator Roark actually outdoes his son on the Scale o'Bad) -- this is possibly the best of the Sin City books.

If you're only going to read one, this is the one to pick.

Anime Report: Ai Yori Aoshi Enishi 1: Fate

The second season of Ai Yori Aoshi dealt with the concept of "enishi." Aoi explains it to Chika as "Enishi means the bonds that tie people to one another. Everyone here is tied to one another by Enishi. That's why we all met, tied to each other by Enishi."

A little more spiritual, a little deeper, but mostly the fun and fan service viewers expect.

Enishi starts a year after the first season, but not much has changed. Chika's in high school now, which I guess was intended to make the repeated panty shots a little less creepy. It didn't work.

We also get the regrettable focus on Chika and her friends that clouded some of the volumes of the manga.

Five episodes:

Spring Blossoms -- Chika quizzes everyone in the house on whether they love Kaoru. Much stammering and scrambling ensue as the girls try to answer the question without revealing their crushes.

Friends -- Chika's friends find a picture of Kaoru in her wallet, and insist on coming home with her to meet her "boyfriend."

Tennis -- Everyone dons cute tennis outfits and hits the courts. This is Aoi's chance to shine -- and to wear a short skirt. Kaoru's eyes bug out of his head.

Phantom -- Must every anime have a ghost episode? Taeko takes the lead in banishing the mansion's "ghost." Wackiness and screaming result.

Christmas -- A bonus episode, this is a pure fantasy. Aoi is Santa -- the real Santa. Kaoru teaches her the Christmas spirit. Cotton-candy sweet and possibly the best episode of the entire series. Awwwwww.

Anime Report: Ai Yori Aoshi 5: With All My Heart

Last four episodes of the first season.

Aoi gets sick and everyone realizes how much she means to them. The gang all chips in to do the housework -- failing, of course -- and they understand how much she does for their ungrateful butts.

Sick as a dog, Aoi's still apologizing to Miyabi for not doing enough, and to Kaoru for not being a good enough fiancee. C'mon girl -- give yourself a break!

The last three episodes tell a continuous story, with Aoi being summoned home and ordered to marry a man her family has chosen.

Miyabi takes a much more active role here, bringing Kaoru to Aoi in secret and basically saying: "I'm going to be looking the other way for several hours. Elope already."

Aoi and Kaoru instead choose to go to Aoi's father and plead their case. This is intercut with scenes of the rest of the harem talking about how special Kaoru is.

Too bad he doesn't get to call character witnesses. But then again, having a bunch of hot chicks plead his case might not be the best move when dealing with Aoi's father.

More of the story is filled in with flashbacks -- Kaoru taking Aoi to his mother's grave; Kaoru and Aoi as children.

Ultimately, Aoi's father agrees to let them continue their relationship, everybody's happy, and we'll see you in the second season. Sweet as always.

Anime Report: Ai Yori Aoshi 4: Truly Yours

When you're down and blue, it's girly anime to the rescue!

I was in a mood only shojo could fix. So I OD'ed on fluff and fan service.

The fourth volume of Ai Yori Aoshi has a lot of the typical shojo tropes -- the beach episodes and the school festival. It also introduces Chika ... the less said about Chika, the better.

Five episodes:

Shores -- The whole gang, including the ferret, head to the beach. Mayu and Tina compete to find the perfect swimsuit to catch Kaoru's eye, leaving the more modest Aoi feeling left out and lonely. A sweet romantic ending balances all the fan service and screaming.

Waves -- Is Taeko falling for Kaoru too? Chika schemes to get them together, with the predictable disastrous results. A big chunk of this episode is set at an outdoor bath, it that tells you anything.

Bedsharing -- A key point in the manga, this cover's Tina and Kaoru's trip to the zoo and spending a night in a love hotel. The bit with Tina dressing up as a bride is handled gracefully, and I like Tina's description of why she likes animals so much. "Because animals can't talk, people have to understand how animals feel. Of course, people can talk, but they don't really say how they really feel all that much."

Lap Pillow -- Chika visits the mansion to complete her summer homework, wear a maid's outfit and generally annoy me. A heavy dose of Aoi sweetness in a monologue about how everyone has a place in their special family kept me from hitting the fast forward button.

Cure -- Tina's fondness for creepy crawlies ruins the photo club's cosplay cafe, but Aoi's fabulous green tea saves the day! Aoi-centric episodes are my favorites, so I really enjoyed seeing her get a chance to shine here. When she bursts out laughing at Kaoru's ridiculous costume, you can see how much she's changed from the shy, melancholy shadow she was in the first episodes. And this episode spent so much time talking about how wonderful tea was that I went and made myself a cup (a nice Japanese green) before I popped in the next DVD.

Comic Report: 300

So the movie rocked. What was there to do but pick up the graphic novel?

It's dramatic. And it's manly. Very manly. There's also lots of blood, gore and hot naked guys. The few women are only semi-naked.

It's not authentic history, but it's a darn good tale.

This edition of the graphic novel is fabulous, with a hard cover, oversized pages and high print quality. The colors are so vibrant they practically burst off the page. It gives the art and words the proper treatment -- as a brutal, bloody work of art.

If you've seen the movie, you've pretty much seen the graphic novel too. Both are worth a look.

You Knit What? Funny Frump

Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.

Goodbye, Blue Monday

I first read "Slaughterhouse-Five" in high school. My school had a copy in the library, but they hid it in the stacks of old Newsweek magazines. A little vision can be a dangerous thing.

I think it's time to revisit some old friends -- "Slaughterhouse-Five," "Cat's Cradle," "Breakfast of Champions" -- they never get old, even if we do.

Farewell, Mr. Vonnegut -- you will be missed.

Movie Report: Grindhouse

That sound you hear is this show blowing my freaking mind!!

If you like blood, guts, sex, violence, action, etc., you MUST see this movie and you MUST see it in the theater. It was an event with a crowded theater -- people were shouting, squealing, yelling back at the screen -- it added to the experience.

First up was a trailer for "Machete," starring Danny Trejo as a homicidal illegal immigrant.

Then comes Robert Rodriguez's "Planet Terror." Nasty, bloody, gory and so, so funny, "Terror" gleefully exploits all the pulp stereotypes. Plot holes big enough to drive a truck full of zombies through, missing reels, intentional scratches and dust on the print and a hot chick with a gun for a leg ... this was a roller-coaster ride of pure fun. You'll laugh, you'll groan, you'll cringe ... a lot. If you're so inclined, you will lust after Rose McGowan.

And the crazy babysitter twins rock, and the bit with the mini-bike had me cracking up.

There were also a lot of "omg, did they just show that??" moments -- this movie is a complete gross-out in points. I never, ever, ever, want to think about Quentin Tarantino's privates again.

Next up, more trailers. Rob Zombie's "Werewolf Women of the SS" was the weakest of the bunch -- how do you spoof something that's a spoof to begin with? "Don't" evoked the classic Hammer horror of the '60s. Don't ... see it alone. Don't ... take it seriously.

And "Thanksgiving," dang, director Eli Roth needs therapy. Stat. Some of those images (the knife on the trampoline, the "turkey,") ... that was sick, yo!!

And ah, "Death Proof." Now, I am a Quentin Tarantino fan. I love his dialogue and his seemingly endless stream of pop culture references. I love how you can see his obsession with film and filmmaking in every shot.

"Death Proof" does not disappoint.

The set-up is very talky, true, but it's a Tarantino picture. The characters are gonna talk ... a lot. But you really get the feel for his world and his characters, and then the action just blows the roof of this sucka!

Kurt Russell is perfect as Stuntman Mike. Zoe Bell is an action goddess. The second chase scene may be the best ever filmed, and the violent, nasty ending had people in the theater cheering and throwing things at the screen in joy.

I can't wait to buy this DVD.

It's all in my mind

So a little over three months ago, I got a phone call that still could be something super, but for now has thrown my happy little world into chaos.

I can't really explain (some of you know what's what) but I'm tired of sitting by the phone like a freshman who needs a date for Homecoming. And being crazy all the time takes too much energy.

When I get stressed, or anxious, or just need to relax, I like to play games or knit. Knitting works the best -- it's almost like moving mediation, and my hands are busy while my mind can wander into whatever dark little corner it wants to explore.

Since I got that first phone call, I've made a scarf, three hats, six washcloths, a dishtowel and I'm almost done with a scarf/hood. (Yes, I'll get more pics up soon) But I think that count shows something about my stress levels lately.

I've decided the whole crazy mess, including a very surreal night in a Holiday Inn in Denver, was a figment of my imagination.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Comic Report: She-Hulk: Rules of Attraction

First off, WTF is on She-Hulk's feet on the cover of this trade? Are those high-heeled sneakers with Velcro?? Damn, her fashion choices get worse and worse!

I think the artists need to let an actual girl look at these comics before they hit the stores.

I like the law firm storylines, but somehow, this comic has turned into Shulkie McBeal.

One-time Avenger Starfox has been accused of using his powers to commit a sexual assault. This is a serious allegation -- why is it being treated like a joke?

Seriously, the misogyny in the setup alone was enough to turn me off -- it didn't have to be made worse!

And poor Awesome Andy ... let's just leave it at that.

The issue with Jen and John at the Jamesons was cute, and I saw the tie-in with Two-Gun Kid last summer in the Marvel Westerns mini and liked it. But this arc is going to have consequences, and they're not going to be good ones.

I'll rank this as the weakest of the She-Hulk trades.

Book Report: Fool Moon

I liked the first Dresden Files novel so much I picked up the second without delay.

Harry's luck, or unluck, never lets up. Joining the investigation of a series of grisly murders, Harry ends up tangling with a bunch of different werewolves, from well-meaning furry people to nasty people who like being wolves to tear-you-and-all-your-friends-into bits loup garou.

Yes, there are multiple kinds of werewolves in this book. Unlike the movie "Cursed," the book actually explains the rules and the differences between them. And Harry fights them all, at one point or another.

But he just can't catch a break. He goes into battle well armed with wands, charms, potions and guns. Inevitably, he drops or loses all of them. Then he gets his butt kicked.

Not only is he fighting werewolves, he's also dodging gangsters and the FBI. Oh, and Murphy's hecka pissed at him, so the Chicago PD isn't too friendly, either.

Bloody and breakneck, the action starts and never lets up, and it's only Harry's persistence that keeps him alive. A brush with dark magics gives him a choice to make, but the attraction of easy power may be too much for him to deny.

If Butcher's writing has a major flaw, it's the tendency to overuse the same analogies. I get that Murphy is cheerleader cute and has a pert nose and that Johnny Marcone's eyes are the pale green of old money. Quit telling me every other page!!

This builds nicely on the strong start to the series -- I'm looking forward to book three.

Comic Report: Preacher: Gone to Texas

My stack of comics was feeling a little light a few weeks ago, so I picked up the first volume of Preacher, a series I had heard good things about but never read.

Jesse is a former preacher who was having a crisis of faith -- his church burning down with the entire town inside pretty much seals the end of his career.

He ends up teamed up with his ex-girlfriend and an Irish vampire to take on the politics of Heaven, angels and demons in love, John Wayne, an assassin who's not of this world and a whole bunch of other badness.

Bizarre, grisly, gruesome and funny, Preacher questions Christianity (Heaven is being run by a bunch of bored, alcoholic angels) even as it skewers its cliches. The violence is crazy over-the-top, and so is some of the humor -- did we really need a character named Arseface?

I'm eagerly awaiting the HBO version of this story, but I'm surprised that Quentin Tarentino didn't snap up the rights first.

Movie Report: Cursed

So I guess even good actors have bad days. Or pick a real loser of a movie. Or just want to cash a check and go home. Maybe they lose bets and have to be in crappy movies as payment.

One of the scenarios must be by Christina Ricci is starring in this 2005 werewolf movie that stinks like doggie doo.

Ellie is a harried TV exec, and her brother Jimmy is a loser high school kid who for some reason is allowed to wander downtown Hollywood late at night.

Driving home late at night, a big critter crosses their path, they crash, and soon thereafter the annoying twit in the car they hit is dragged away by the big, nasty (and mostly unseen) critter to be crunched and munched.

Somehow, and I'm not quite sure how it happened, both Ellie and Jimmy are slightly injured by the critter, and predictably, both soon experiencing heightened senses and suffering the Mark of the Beast on the palm of their hands. Which palm changes from scene to scene, and the Mark occasionally disappears when the camera angle changes. Darned inconvenient, those moving Marks!

Will Ellie and Jimmy discover the identity of the true Beast before the full moon and save themselves from the curse? Will Jimmy defeat the school bully and get the girl? Does anyone care?

The editing is terrible, the acting and dialogue groan-inducing, the special effect and makeup are hokey and the movie never even explains its own werewolf rules! An elaborate horror-themed nightclub is merely a set-piece for a Scooby Doo-style chase and a pivotal scene makes a hall of mirrors look fake. They couldn't even afford mirrors?

And Scott Baio is in it!!!

It's disappointing that something this hokey came from two horror greats -- director Wes Craven and writer Kevin Williamson ("Scream"). Better luck next time, guys.

Book Report: Storm Front

My sweetie started picking up the Dresden Files books about six months ago, and he liked them. And then I started watching the TV show with him, and I liked it.

So why not start reading the books?

Take a detective novel and add magic. The result is spellbinding.

Harry Dresden is part average joe, part 21st-century knight. He's trying to make a living in a world that's rejected magic for technology, and is desperately trying to forget that there are dark things in the shadows.

And he's got two things every modern Defender needs -- a code of honor that propels him to protect the weak and a perpetually empty wallet.

Harry is brought in by the Chicago police to consult on a pair of mysterious murders. That soon leads to a bigger conspiracy, and Harry is forced to cross paths with both the powerful Chicago Mob and a mysterious dark sorcerer.

The world is well-thought out and engaging, especially for a first novel, and the story is fast-paced with roller-coaster action and sufficient complications to keep me interested.

Butcher's got to pay, though, for the following: "...he picked me up to hurl me toward the demon. I objected with fragile tenacity." Ouch!

I like the novel better than the TV show -- and I still think the TV show is pretty darned good. This is a series I'll keep picking up.

Black magic and mobsters and demons and drugs and faeries -- oh my!