Movie Report: Superbad

((OK, I didn't get a post in yesterday, so I owe you two today. I gotta clear this backlog somehow.))

Superbad is super awesome!!!!

Yes, I know, it's strange. I'm thirty-something, and I still groove on goofy teenage comedies. So sue me. Nerds trying to get laid is funny.

The plot isn't breaking any new ground -- three nerds are on the verge of graduating and have one last shot at that crazy high-school adventure they all dream about. Toss in some separation anxiety (two got into the Ivy League, one's headed to generic State U) for flavor. Add dick jokes, a fake ID and the random boob shot. Marinate until funny.

But this movie just *works.* It helped that I saw it with a lively, packed house that was laughing so hard you couldn't hear some of the lines. People were there to have a good time, so we did. We are McLovin.

The writing is snappy and realistic and tends more to the funny than the gross, which is a nice change. (Although the dance bit ... EWWWWWW!) This one could end up as an Animal House style classic.

Rude and crude but never fake. I highly recommend this one.

Dude! You just cock blocked McLovin!

I Made It! Calorimetry

I had almost a full skein of Lana Grossa Joker left after making Aibhlinn and Fetching, and I didn't want to waste it.

Knowing at this point that the move to Cali was more likely, I wanted something that I could use there when the weather turned chilly, but not cold. And since *everyone* on the Web seemed to be raving about Calorimetry, I decided to try one.

I know there was a big controversy over how many stitches to cast on, but I decided that since I had a big head, I'd do it as directed.

Which worked for me -- it's just the right size. And I like it. It will keep my ears toasty. It was fun and quick to knit, and I probably make another one some time.



(Oh, and thanks to my friend Wendy for supplying a good button out of her sewing basket to complete it -- saved me a trip to the fabric store.)

But you want to know the damnest thing. I RAN OUT OF YARN MAKING IT! My first stash busting project, and I had to go out and buy another ball of Joker to finish it. Pie and a half!!!

So now I've got most of a skein of Lana Grossa Joker. Any ideas on what I can do with it? :-)

Movie Report: Rush Hour 3

You've seen this movie before. Chris Tucker is loud and obnoxious, Jackie Chan makes jokes about his English, some booty gets kicked and the good guys win the day.

That doesn't mean it's bad. Movie's like this are like McDonalds -- it's not the best, but you always know what you're gonna get.

For the third installment of this series, they've upped the humor and made the action tamer -- to the point where Chan didn't have much to do. Maybe it's his age and years of injuries catching up to him, or maybe it's nervous Hollywood execs, but he's not challenged at all. In fact, in the big finale (and they're in Paris, so it *had* to be at the Eiffel Tower) I could clearly see stuntmen subbing for Jackie in some parts *and* some CGI work. Sad.

And if the ambassador's daughter is supposed to be a Kung Fu instructor now, why didn't she do *any* Kung Fu?

But this movie did deliver on some turn-your-brain-off action and some good laughs. There's a missing you montage that cracked me up. It was a fun, forgettable summer movie. And I liked it.

There's something to be said for that.

Movie Report: License to Wed

What can I say? It was the second feature at the drive-in!

Two blandly pretty people (Mandy Moore and John Krasinski) fall in love in a blandly pretty way and decide to get married. Her dream is to get hitched in the family church with good, old Reverend Frank, and so of course he agrees.

Um, yeah ... Reverend Frank (Robin Williams) is a psycho.

The plot of the movie is that Frank puts the couple through an over-the-top, comedic "marriage course." Along the way, Frank and his creepy kid sidekick commit several felonies and make these poor people *miserable.*

And I was sad too, because I had to watch it.

It's all played for laughs, and it's not that funny -- even Robin Williams can't help that much. If he would have played this character straight, he would have been eeevvviiiilll. That would have been a much, much better movie.

Skip this Meet the Parents wannabe, even if its on cable and you're bored. Watch grass grow -- you'll have a better time.

Movie Report: Hairspray

Hairspray retains a bit of the bite of John Waters' original film, but it's toned down and dressed up in candy colors for the musical version. I did have a lot of fun listening to the lyrics of the songs, though -- there are a few gems in there.

It would be nice to think that the U.S. is moving out of the neo-Con "there's only way to be OK" period, much like 1960s Baltimore does in this film.

The music is upbeat and charming, and all the performances are decent. Queen Latifah outsings almost everyone in the movie, but she's Queen Latifah, so that's to be expected. John Travolta wasn't as annoying as I thought he'd be, but I would have rather seen someone who would play the part as a woman, not a drag queen. Perhaps Divine and Harvey Firestein saw something in Edna that Travolta couldn't.

I would have liked to see more of Christopher Walken, though -- it was disappointing that he only got to sing and dance once. That being said, his duet with Travolta was my favorite song in the movie.

Sweetly satirical.

Movie Report: The Bourne Ultimatum

The Bourne Identity is one of my favorite action movies ever. This series kicks amazing amouts of ass. So of course I was down with some more Bourne action, yo!

And Ultimatum had everything it needed to be cool. I'm very happy, because if it had sucked I would have had to hunt someone down and do naughty things.

• Suspense? Check.
• Spy drama and lots of code words? Check.
• Ass-kicking? Check.
• At least one cool car chase? Check -- although I still say they can't top the Mini chase in Bourne Identity.
• Matt Damon in the role he'll be known for fifty years from now? Check.
• Julia Stiles showing all the drunken starlets in Hollywood today that cool elegance still works? Check.

So the movie rocked. The best spy thriller to hit theaters this year -- even a "ripped from the headlines" plotline about officials who feel they can kidnap, torture and kill with impunity didn't get too heavy handed or preachy.

But not all was excellent. ...

Because what in pie was up with the direction of the action scenes? I get that the director likes to use a camcorder, documentary style, but damn! Get a SteadyCam! There was a lot of great action in this movie -- too bad the viewers couldn't see most of it. By the end, I was supremely annoyed with the direction.

You coulda been practically perfect, Bourne Ultimatum. Better luck next time.

I Made It! Fetching

I bought enough yarn when I made Aibhlinn to make a matching pair of fingerless gloves.

I like the look of a nice pair of fingerless gloves. And I'm not a good enough knitter yet to make fingers.

I was also one of the last knitters in the world to use the Fetching pattern. It's a fast, fun knit -- I was done in a couple of days. This was my first time using double-pointed needles *and* attempting a cable, and I had surprisingly little trouble.

It was a practically perfect project, and I'll happily use the pattern again.

Hey designers! More things like Fetching!

Book Report: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I had Harry Potter stress.

We'd just moved to Cali, the big day was drawing near, and I didn't have an order in for my book.

It didn't help that both our bank accounts were screwed for various reasons. So I didn't know which debit card to use. We were saving our precious cash for luxuries like food and gas, so I couldn't just drop $30 at the bookstore. The Amazon deadline had passed. I wasn't sure I had a permanent address.

What's a girl to do??

It all worked out, as these things tend to do. I did indeed have a home by Potter Day. I had a gift card from the nice people I worked with in Indiana. And miracle of miracles, the Borders in Los Gatos had copies of the book available on the afternoon of release day.

So I got my book, took it home, and entered what J calls my "Harry Potter Fugue State."

When I'm reading one of these books for the first time, I don't notice the world around me. People talk to me -- I don't hear them. Bombs land -- doesn't bother me. Climatic global change? Not an issue. I am reading my book, and it doesn't matter if you bother me, 'cause I won't notice anyway.

I started this 784-page monstrosity at about 4 p.m. on Potter Day. I finished it before I went to bed that night.

I'm not going to spoil it -- either you've read it, or you don't care. But my impression?

Spellbinding.

This was the epic capper that this series needed. I laughed, I cried a couple of times, I was struck by the strength, courage and nobility of these characters. I am thoroughly satisfied and can wish Harry, Hermione and Ron farewell without regret.

It was wonderful.

Is this the best series ever or some such drek like that? No. Rowling needs an editor, and she sometimes borrows so heavily from her influences that she can drift into the derivative.

But what she excels at is capturing the reader and transporting them into her world with a rip-roaring tale of adventure that's loaded with charm. And she loves these characters and this world, and her affection for them shines through. I'll read these books again and again.

You're never too old for magic.

I Made It! Aibhlinn

I wanted something warm and cozy to wear with my black leather jacket. So when I went to a sale at Mass Ave Knit Shop, I snapped up a bunch of Lana Grossa Joker (a nice, soft, hard-wearing superwash wool) in a beautiful dark red.

My ears get cold (or did, until I moved to California), but I hate tight winter hats. Aibhlinn was the way to go.

Other than switching to wool from cotton and not bothering to make a gauge swatch, I didn't alter the pattern at all. It was a fun, easy knit -- very soothing in what was a very stressful time.

And it's lovely. And very cozy. I like the cute little bobbles.

And now that I live in California, I wonder if it is ever going to be cold enough to wear it. Maybe I'll have to make a second one in cotton.

Movie Report: Transformers

Transformers! Commercial in disguise!

I wasn't planning on going to see this, because the trailer looked like Independence Day with big robots, and I'm not that big of a fan of Independence Day, aka "Something bad will happen to every female in this cast!"

But we heard some good things from friends and J and I wanted to celebrate having access to some of our money again (damn bank ... grrrr) so we hit a matinee.

Weird thing. I run into my boss outside the theater, the guy that some people who play our games call Zeus. Zeus is chillin' at the shopping center with his wife and kid, having a piece of coffeecake. Pantheons these days ... ;-)

I worked for The Star for almost 10 years, and I didn't run into any of my bosses anywhere. Guess they were big on action flicks and comic shops.

First the good stuff: The robots are f'ing cool. The action is non-stop.

Kids of the '80s will get a chill when they hear the original sound effects used in the transformations. John Turturro cracked me up. Bumblebee is smarter than his humans, and quite the pimp -- what does it say when the best characters in the movie are a Camero and a boombox?

And then there's the bad: Everything in this movie is a freaking product placement or advertisement -- how much did the U.S. military pay for its wet, sloppy kiss?

Almost every scene has something stolen from another action movie. The humans, for the most part, are idiots. Apparently most of them are also deaf and blind. All the personality was drained out of the Decepticons like old motor oil.

And the script blew chunks, mostly because it was riddled with "WTF?" moments. A teenage boy gets all huffy and upset because he finds out the smoking hot chick he's inexplicably hooking up with has a juvie record? I dare you to find me a 16-year-old boy in the same situation who wouldn't scream "Score! Bad girls are hot!"

WTF was up with the blond bimbo "computer analyst" and her dumb friends? Why did we spend so much screen time on noobs that the Scooby Doo gang could out-think?

A huge chunk of the movie is spent following the two factions as they race to find a map to the All-Spark. Naturally, we later find out that it was moved by the humans AFTER the map was made. But does that stop them from using the now invalid map to find it? Nope!

The military takes the All-Spark out of the desert and transports it to a highly-populated area why? Because nobody likes Nevada and they want to see it squished by giant robots?

So it was dumb. But strangely, I found it an enjoyable kind of dumb. Summer does things to your brain when you're watching movies.

Movie Report: Knocked Up

So my good buddy Paj was knocked out by the awesomeness of this movie, and his rant about it inspired me to go see it too.

While I'm not ready to carve this movie into a mountain, it was enjoyable.

I loved the assorted people at the nonstop house party at Seth Rogen's house. It reminded me of my life sometimes. Who are you and why are you on my couch? Eh ... who cares -- pass the Pop Tarts, please.

While this is not as slapsticky as The 40-Year-Old Virgin, it also didn't have me throwing things at my TV like Virgin did with its underlying message that you have to give up everything you are and everything you enjoy for a little touch.

I liked that all of the characters were flawed and real. I had the urge to smack Leslie Mann's pert little nose more than once, but that's for two reasons -- her voice gets on my nerves and I have little patience for the stupid games some women play. Insult a man and break him down until you can retrain him. Pulleezze!

It's nice that the characters grew and changed. It was a fun movie while it lasted. Thinking back on it now ... I don't know if it will stand up to the test of time.

If you didn't see it in the theater, it might be worth catching on cable.

I Made It! Fuzzy Feet

I wanted practice at making a sock-shaped object, but I wasn't ready for those itty-bitty needles and itty-bitty sock yarn.

I like to felt. I have feet. Ah-ha! I should make a pair of Fuzzy Feet!

A skein of apple green Cascade 220 and some size 9 double-pointed needles and I was in business.

I didn't have much trouble turning the heels, which is what everyone said was the hard part. Then I had to pick up stitches for the gussets, and well ...

OK. That was hard.

It didn't help that people who supposedly like me kept making fun of my poor sock-shaped objects, which were quickly named "the socks that monkeys made."

Sigh.

But I kept going. I am a knitting monkey! And when I was done knitting, I had a crazy pair of oversized ankle socks, shown here with my hecka cute cell phone for perspective.



But the miracle of felting is that you pop your crazy oversized object in the washer with some old jeans and towels, wash it a bunch of times and suddenly you have the cutest little pair of apple green slippers.



Aren't they adorable! I'm looking forward to it being cold enough to wear them.

But I'm still debating on whether to sew leather bottoms on them or use puffy paint or something to make them a little more slip-proof. Any ideas?

Movie Report: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

The kids are older. The story is darker. It's still magic.

I'm a fan of the novels, and so I have a critical eye for the movies. And this one clips along at such a breakneck pace it at times feels like an episode of "Hogwarts Hit Parade."

Yeah, all the key bits are there, but they're all rushed. But I don't think you could help that without making a 10-hour movie. Even without every little detail or phrasing I liked in the book, it's still a darn good show.

The acting is fabulous, the action is breath-taking and the emotion and connection that these kids have developed ... awww. It's touching. Umbridge is sooo dispicable, and Luna is so cool ...

I didn't like Cho very much, though -- thankfully you didn't see her much. And why did they have to make her the reason that Dumbledore's Army gets discovered? That didn't make much sense to me, except that maybe they were trying to wedge her into another scene.

I don't know if this is my favorite of the movies. Every time I see one, it's my favorite -- until I see the next one. I think I have to take them as parts of a body of work, and I can't pick a favorite.

I'll buy this one on DVD, but before that, I'm going to see it again in IMAX. I'll bet the battle in the Ministry of Magic will be something truly spectacular.

Movie Report: Live Free or Die Hard

We needed a break from moving. We needed air conditioning and cushy seats. And we needed some old-fashioned, American-style blow-em-up action.

Yippie Ki Yea, motherfu...

This could have been *terrible.* An aging Bruce Willis. A PG-13 rating. And then more trouble. Cyber terrorists? Timothy Olyphant?

Now, don't get me wrong, I loved Deadwood. But Olyphant had two expressions -- puppy dog lost and GRRRRR! There's a reason the fans on the message boards called his character "Clench."

Don't worry -- it all turned out OK. This movie's a fun, brainless flick, one that I'll gladly watch again on cable. The plot's a little silly, but when has *anyone* ever gone to a Die Hard movie for the plot? You barely notice people are talking!

But Olyphant is no Alan Rickman. Get a new expression, Clench!

Willis pulls off a surprisingly physical performance. And since he knows this character spot-on after four movies, he's exactly the John McClain you expect -- he just swears less. (PG-13 rating, remember?) McClain's teenage sidekick is not as annoying as I thought he'd be, although the bit about wanting to stop and eat got old fast.

Lots of big stunts and explosions, and mercifully, what appears to be a limited use of CGI. It's there in the jet bit, but you don't sit through the movie picking out what's "real" and what's digital.

This movie kicks Die Hard 2's ass. OK, that's not hard, but ...

If you're in the mood for explosions and catchphrases, with a cameo by Kevin Smith (look at me, I'm in a f'ing Die Hard movie!) -- you can't go wrong with this one.

Movie Report: Mr. Brooks

There's pretty much no way I would have seen this first-run if it hadn't been the second movie at the drive-in.

The expectations are lower for a second movie. So it wasn't half bad.

I can't remember a movie I've liked Kevin Costner in since his Dances with Wolves days. This time, thankfully, he played against type as an uptight, buttoned-down, white-bread box factory owner ... who just happens to be a serial killer.

But he doesn't *want* to be a serial killer. So he goes to AA meetings and prays a lot, and makes pots in his crazy-elaborate pottery studio. Then he kills people.

William Hurt gets the best part in the movie as Brooks' murderous alter-ego. And he appears to be having a grand time making smart-ass comments and urging Brooks to commit some damage. He's funny and wicked, and this would have been a very dreary flick without him.

And then there's Dane Cook. I despise Cook when he attempts to do comedy. He is possibly the most un-funny person ever to get famous doing stand-up, and I have no idea why people watch his shit. But here he's doing stalker creepy, and it works. Maybe his future is in acting ... maybe he's a creepy stalker for real. Only time will tell.

The plot? Overly elaborate. Demi Moore's "woe is me, I'm a millionaire cop" bit was unnecessary and tiresome. At times the script reminded me of a film school exercise to see how many random elements (serial killer no. 2, dumb daughter, phalandering ex-husband, skanky lawyer) could be tied up in one overarching plot.

My B.S. meter was going off constantly (How could Brooks' wife be *that* oblivious? Was she on drugs?) but if you ignored all that, it was a fun, twisty little play for people who like to root for the bad guy.

If Costner stops trying to play the nice guy all the time, he just might have a career again.

Movie Report: 1408

I've been keeping a list of the reviews I need to do since the move and all borked up my blogging, and I've got *a ton* of them to catch up on.

So I'll put it to my three readers -- do you want to see these, or should I just move on?

Until then ...

Before we left Indiana, I wanted one last trip to one of my favorite Indy places, the Tibbs Drive-In.

It's a great drive-in theater -- good management, good upkeep, the sound quality is decent (they run it through your car stereo) and the bathrooms aren't scary. And the corn dogs and fries always make for a tasty dinner.

Normally, I'm not big on movie concession stands, having seen too much of how they work when John was working at a movie theater. Anyone want some popcorn that was popped two weeks ago and stored in a closet? But there aren't many drive-ins left, and they don't make any money on tickets. All that cash goes to the movie studios. So if you go to a drive-in, be nice and hit the concession stand.

It was a Saturday night and it was threatening to rain, but we went anyway. And it rained. Big time. But since we were in our cozy Hyundai, it didn't bother us at all.

Movies based on Stephen King stories can be hit or miss. Some are good (Carrie, The Shining), some aren't worth the film they're printed on (Dreamcatcher or whatever that complete piece of shite was called.) But 1408 had John Cusack, and I adore John Cusack, so we decided to give it a chance.

You don't see many movies like this anymore. Scary does not have to equal giant buckets of gore.

Cusack plays a writer with the all-too-common hints of a tragic past. These days he makes a living writing travel books about haunted places, even though he doesn't believe in any of it.

B.S. alert -- If I could make a decent enough living as a haunted travel writer to have a cool apartment near the beach in Cali and surf all the time, I'd do it in a second. There's not that much money in those kind of books.

When he gets a postcard with a cryptic message about a haunted hotel room, he packs his bags and demands a night in Room 1408.

Enter Samuel L. Jackson, who plays the hotel manager. His job in this movie is to be mysterious, give a bunch of exposition and offer Cusack some expensive booze. He does his job very well.

Since most of the movie is set in a run-down hotel room, I was impressed at the beautiful cinematography, which did everything from ice whites and blues to a sickly, scary green. I'd like to thank the rainstorm too, for tossing in some thunder and lightning at key points of the film. It made it even better.

This isn't the "BOO!" kind of scary. It builds and builds. You don't know what's coming, but you know it's bad, and you want to get away, but you can't. Fabulous suspense, and some nice twists. The best scares are psychological.

In the end, what you get is an excellent little horror film without the tired, played-out cliches filling flicks like Saw. I have a feeling that this film will be missed by a lot of horror fans, and that's too bad.

1408 is well worth a reservation.

Hoosier Cali Girl

I love California!

But I don't understand it. Not yet, anyway.

Los Gatos ... wow. Very upscale, with a relaxed, artist vibe. It's what towns near Indy like Carmel and Zionsville want to be, but fail miserably at.

There's Lamborgini and Bentley dealerships here, ya'll! Everyone's got a cute kid or a cuter purebred dog and a platinum credit card. Everytime we walk around the adorable little downtown area, I half expect someone to ask to see my W-2 and then tell me I'm gonna have to leave.

Santa Cruz ... I love Santa Cruz. I can't believe I live less than a half an hour from the ocean. I can't believe I forgot my camera! We went there to see "The Lost Boys," which was filmed on the boardwalk, and had a great time. We'll go back a lot ... as soon as I get over the $10 parking fee.

In N Out Burger ... Best fries EVER!!!

Closing time ... Where are the 24-hour stores? Even *Wal-Mart* closes early here! It's crazy! So much for the go-go-go California lifestyle -- if you're not there by 10 p.m., it's closed.

Sometimes a girl wants ice cream at midnight. It's not fair.

The traffic ... What traffic? I see the back-ups on TV, but everything here is so close and convenient that it took us almost three weeks to use a tank of gas, and that was with getting lost all the time.

Questions ... How does everything stay so green when it never rains? Why are there three auto repair shops for every car? Where are the banks with drive-through lanes? How does anyone get anything done with the stupid bank rules? (Holding all deposits for seven days in the first 30 days of a new account. Grrrr.)

This is going to be quite an adventure.

Indiana to California: Day Four and Beyond

A good night's sleep and a full breakfast was just what we needed, and after we lost a couple more bucks in the slots we got back on the road.

We skirted around Reno, not wanting to stop at this point, and headed into California.

The area near the border is crazy beautiful -- mountains, big blue lakes, an amazing sky -- it was an *immediate* difference as we crossed the border, and there was so much gorgeous scenery that John had trouble keeping track of the road.

Things got flatter and more urban until we were in Sacramento. We'd talked about stopping for lunch, but at this point, we just wanted to *get* there. So we kept going.

On and on into the Bay Area, and oh, that's the Bay!!!

Oakland had a *huge* amount of traffic, and then we passed through the biggest conglomeration of highway ramps and curves and lanes either of us had ever seen.

On to Los Gatos -- where we drove around for *an hour* looking for something we recognized from our research. We *finally* found Vasona Park, after stopping for directions.

This was Saturday afternoon, and our apartment wasn't going to be ready until Thursday. So we checked into the Los Gatos Lodge, and made that our new base of operations.

Cute little place, nice people -- I'd recommend it for someone staying in this area.

As to what the past three weeks have been like? Eh, that seems like another post. So far, though, I love California.

Indianapolis to California: Day Three -- The Nevada Chronicles

I guess I should finish this overblown tale before I review the last Harry Potter book, right?

Anyway ...

We crossed into Nevada -- we knew it was Nevada, because there were casinos. And we're driving, there is desert and mountains and a book on the mp3 player (Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin) and everyone's happy. Well, the cats weren't happy, but they were hecka pissed all the way across the country.

Hey, what's that black cloud? Is that smoke?

Why yes, officer, we'll pull off I-80 now.

Apparently the area surrounding the interstate was ... ON FIRE!!!! An approximately 7,000-acre wildfire, and there was no way to know when the road would be re-opened.

And we were stuck at a truck stop with everyone else. So we grabbed some sodas, and I lost two bucks in the slots (Those things are *way* more complicated than "pull the lever, look for cherries.")

While I was losing quarters, John was studying the map. And he found another road, U.S. 50, that was out of the fire area and ended in the same place I-80 would have put us -- Reno.

A local said it would take three to three-and-a-half hours to drive. No problem! It was mid-afternoon, and we'd be in Reno in time for dinner.

Yeah, I don't know how *they* drive, but ...

A few interesting things to know about U.S. 50. The Nevada stretch has been called "The Loneliest Road in America." AAA advises not driving it unless you have survival skills!

But did we know that? Nah!

And we're driving, and we're driving, and there's *nothing.* No towns, no stops, no people. A few bunny rabbits. Horror movies start like this.

And for miles and miles and miles, this is all we see:



And it's OK, because we've got our snacks and our mp3 player and we'll be in Reno in a little while.

But then it starts to get dark. And we're not in Reno.

And in the fading light, we start to see stuff like this:



Now we're going up and down mountains on tight hairpin turns. And it's pitch black. John could only drive 25 mph or so, and that was on the easier stretches.

And ... it ... just ... goes ... on ... forever.

We decide we're stopping at the next available opportunity.

At the bottom of the mountains, we hit a town, Austin. Time for rejoicing? Not quite. The first thing we see is a spray-painted sign warning about a speed trap. The next? The speed trap -- it was all John could do to get our speed down in time.

It's late by now, and we see a couple of scary looking bars, and two even-scarier looking motels with a bunch of Hogs out front. I'm sure the people of Austin, Nevada are good people and all, but they should know that after dark, their town looks like someplace where they serve wayward travelers with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

We decide not to stop.

So we keep driving ... and driving ... and driving ... and driving ... and driving ...

And there's no end to this road. We're in the Twilight Zone. We're trapped in some sort of alternative dimension where we are the only people.

This was one of the main routes of the Pony Express, so that was cool, but really. I thought people in Wyoming were isolated. Compared to this, people in the backwoods of Indiana are downright suburban!

About *midnight,* we start to see lights. A town! A good-sized, not so scary town! Fallon welcomes us with ... a bunch of totally booked motels.

It seems there was a *rodeo* in town. Danged cowboys! I grab the AAA guide and start dialing numbers, and we luck out at the Motel 8/casino -- one room left. Non-pet. Why no, I don't have a kitty! (/em hides cages behind her back.)

We were *scrupulous* about cleaning up after the felines, but we needed a bed. Who cared about dinner ... that passed hours ago. Shower and collapse.

Indiana to California: Day Three

After a fuel stop and a quick breakfast (more strawberry cereal bars) we were back on the road.

Wyoming is really, really gorgeous. I just can't say enough, and we're making plans to go back for a longer vacation so we can take it all in.

As we moved into "The West," though, we were both struck at how many manufactured homes and trailers we saw instead of houses, and the vast distances between them. Since we're both from the rural Midwest, we thought we understood isolation. Not so much. Out there? That's isolation.

We stopped near the Utah border for lunch at a regional chain called Taco Time. It was *packed,* so I guess that's what passes for good food there. I had a chicken soft taco that looked suspiciously like a burrito, and their signature Mexi-Fries.

The secret's out -- Mexi-Fries are tater tots with seasoned salt. I make those at home, but I didn't know I was recreating a Wyoming treat.


And then there's Utah.

OK, I'll admit, ever since I read Under the Banner of Heaven I've found Mormons to be kinda scary. And I watch Big Love, so you know ... :-)

I entered Utah with a little trepidation.

Pretty mountains, pretty mountains ... bam! Salt Lake City!

Salt Lake City is *huge,* yo, and it's interstates are some of the most twisted and convoluted I've ever seen. We saw the temple from a distance, and then we headed to the Great Salt Lake.

I bought a Coke at the last cluster of gas stations and civilization before the lake. Caffeine for the win!

The Great Salt Lake is huge, and very flat, and incredibly impressive in a bleak way. There was that sense of isolation again, because there were miles and miles of nothing but road and the lake.

I kept noticing messages spelled out in rocks. People wanting to leave their mark on nothingness. It was very ... human. But as we zoomed past, I wondered if anyone would ever stop to read those messages.

A cluster of casinos told us we were in Nevada. Day Three isn't over, but Nevada deserves its own post.

Indiana to California: Day 2

Get up, shove the cats in the car, grab some milk, cereal bars and gas and we're back on the road!

Iowa ... yeah, not much to report here. We stopped at a A&W in the middle of nowhere for lunch. Chili dogs are good. I bought a postcard of a cow's behind -- I'm not sure that's the image Iowa wants to project.

Onto Nebraska!

No, wait, Nebraska doesn't deserve an exclamation point. Onto Nebraska.

It's boring, it's flat, and it's huge. Omaha was bigger than I expected, but it looked like three-fourths of the state's population was concentrated there.

We stopped at outside Omaha at a gas station so old and scary I refused to buy lemon drops. They looked like they'd been there since time began. And there was a bunch of photos on the wall about the big meth bust at the station a few weeks back.

There were some Old West-type attractions advertised, but for the most part, there's no good reason to go to Nebraska. We did see the Great Platte River Road Arch, though, which comes out of friggin' nowhere.

Stop again for gas and postcards. At this point, we just want out of this pie-loving state.

There is a notable difference in the scenery when you pass into Wyoming. It's beautiful!

We passed through the Medicine Bow National Forest, and saw the Lincoln Monument, which apparently marks the highest point of I-80.

Didn't see as many cows as I expected to, but we did see a great vintage iron sign from the Laramie County Cowbelles urging us to eat beef.

We were going to stop for the night in Cheyenne, but everything near the interstate looked hinky, so we pushed on to Laramie.

Laramie is an adorable little college town. I love college towns. We checked into the Ramada, had a nice dinner at a brew pub-type place called The Altitude, and called it a night.

Indiana to California on I-80: Day One

Packing up the house, cleaning, etc. Ugh. I'm so, so grateful for all the help we got from our friends and family. Without you guys, I would have set the place on fire.

Then a shocker: My last day at work was on a Wednesday. On Friday, my former employer announced it was going to cut its workforce through buyouts.

Talk about dodging a bullet! I'm not really going to talk about The Indianapolis Star (on the "if you don't have anything nice to say" theory) but there's a lot of good people in a *very* bad situation there, and I feel for them. Good luck, guys.

And it's the Newsroom, dammit, not the Information Center. I'll go to my grave before I start spouting that stupid corporate speak!

Sigh. OK, breathe, breathe ...

And I'm fine now. ;)

Day One

We said goodbye and left Indiana on July 4. Yep, it was Independence Day.

Illinois was the same old, same old. It had the nicest rest stop I've *ever* seen, though -- it was even staffed. My cats thoroughly rejected all the suggestions from the pet books that they come out of their cages and walk around and drink some water every couple of hours and refused to budge. Only Gabriel was brave enough to accept the leash and hop up on a picnic table to look around, but you could tell he wasn't thrilled with the idea.

Stopped at a gas station at the Illinois border that didn't sell Coke products. I didn't think places like that existed. Then we crossed the Mississippi, which was the first time I'd done that by car.

Iowa was hillier than I expected, but there were lots of fields and cows, which is what I did expect. The rest stops there had wifi ... pretty progressive, if you ask me. This trip has taught me how dependent I am on the Internet.

We passed the world's biggest truck stop (or so they claimed) and the International Museum of Wrestling. We were getting tired when we hit Des Moines, so we pulled into a Motel 6 for the night.

The cats kicked up another fuss, so we had to resort to letting them out of their cages and locking them in the bathroom with all the kitty essentials (food, water, litter box) one at a time.

So much for finding cool little restaurants along the way -- we were exhausted, and dinner came from Burger King. A little TV watching with my Whopper Jr. and we crashed.

Only YOU Can Save Ant-Man

For the past few months, I've been laughing my butt off at Marvel's The Ireedemable Ant-Man, about a hero who's kind of a zero.

Yeah, he can be a real tool sometimes (seducing his dead buddy's girl *on* the dead buddy's grave? That's cold, man) but the book is funny, witty and even in his worst moments, Eric is still less of an asshat than Iron Man.

But now, Marvel wants to cancel my fun. First Nextwave, and now this? C'mon Marvel -- have a heart! Have a funny bone!

Ant-Man's got everything -- drama, vengeful old bosses, Ms. Marvel in the shower ... and the Wii! Think about the Wii!

So go out and buy the first Ant-Man trade. Do it soon. Save Ant-Man.

If we don't, they might stick Pym back into that suit, and trust me, no one wants to see that.

Movie Report: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

OK, so the first FF movie didn't exactly rock the world. It was silly and cheesy, and Not Doom made me want to kill the screenwriter.

But in a strange, cheesy sort of way, I didn't hate it. So J and I caught a matinee of the sequel.

Not Doom still makes me want to kill.

THAT IS NOT VICTOR VON DOOM!!!! That is some petty, slimy yuppie in a cloak he got at a Renaissance Faire!!! Why in pie are they ruining one of the best Marvel villains ever! ARRUUUUGGGGHHHH!

Sorry -- I'll calm down now.

The look of the Silver Surfer was, dare I say it, Fantastic -- it's obvious where much of the film's fx budget went. And it was money well spent. And Laurence Fishburne does a wonderful job with the Surfer's few lines.

The whole "steal the board" bit ... well, it was a bit simplistic. One does not swipe the Power Cosmic. But I can understand why they dumbed it down for a 92-minute movie. But I would have liked to see Alicia's part expanded, as it was in the comics.

Galactus ... let's just say I was less happy with Galactus. I don't need to go off into another screaming rant.

But if I was going to rant, I might add in a bitch about the most egregious (and dumb) product placement I've seen in a *long* time. Or how the makeup and costume people actually make Jessica Alba look both old and kinda unattractive.

Seriously -- the Barbie blonde hair extensions are so badly done they look like something Britney Spears would wear. Did they have to compound the problem with gobs of frosted blue eyeliner?

Good stuff ... the Surfer, like I said. The camaraderie and teamwork among the FF. Reed and the Thing are done well. Stan Lee gets another good cameo.

And Johnny gets to be a Super Skrull? I don't know how I feel about that one yet.

Most of all, the movie does what it sets out to -- family fun with a wink and a smile. The action is tamed to a PG, and this is a flick you could take your kids to if you don't want to sit through Shrek again.

Not the best superhero movie ever made, but not the worst, either.

But if I find the person responsible for Not Doom, there's gonna be violence.

You Knit What? Fashion Is Murder

The only thing I can figure out on this one is that some knit designer watched a "CSI" marathon on Spike TV.

And somewhere in the 12th hour of Grissom and Sara's wacky antics, said knit designer thought to herself ... "Gee I wish I had a purse that looked like a cross-section of brain. I'd knit it in blood red, so it looks like something left on a autopsy table."

And that, my friends, is how this purse was born. It's a Lion Brand free pattern, just in case you want a brainy cross-section for your very own. Try making it in a pinkish-gray!

TV Report: Alias, Season One

So a couple of years ago, I tried to start watching Alias. And then I thought -- "What in the heck is up with all this Rambaldi nonsense?"

Obviously, this was a show I should have watched from the beginning. So when I found the first season cheap, I snapped it up.

This is fun, James Bond meets MTV stuff. Sydney Bristow is recruited from college to be a spy. (This was always my secret dream when I was in college.) Now she chases around the world in short skirts and an assortment of wigs, doing sneaky spy stuff and talking into headsets.

There's a big, elaborate double agent plot I'm not even gonna try to explain. Watch it for yourself. But there's lots of action, good suspense, a dash of romance -- and someone finally starts to explain all that Rambaldi stuff! (It's a MacGuffin -- go with it.)

Some stunt casting (Roger Moore, and a hip villainous turn by Quentin Tarantino) ups the cool factor, and a slick soundtrack may be worth researching and downloading. My biggest problem? Sydney -- she tends to the whiney and emo. But Spy Daddy (Sydney's father, Jack Bristow) is twelve shades of fabulous -- he steals the show every time he appears on screen.

A guilty pleasure, but a good one.

Comic Report: Runaways Vol. 7: Live Fast

The final volume of Runaways before the great Joss Whedon experiment, this deals with the meltdown after the major events of Vol. 6.

Chase ... I love the guy, but he does some very naughty things. Of course wouldn't any teenager with an urge for resurrection and a hotline to giants from the Old Testament do the same thing?

And I was terribly amused with the twist at the end, revealing who had been helping Molly. A reference to an old Pat Benatar song gives the book a touch of 80s cred (which should be the new hotness.) Iron Man's appearance ... meh. Shellhead's a tool most of the time these days.

I've switched to picking up Runaways as a monthly comic -- I hope Marvel gives it a good, long run.

Book Report: Danse Macabre

BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

You must excuse me -- I'm laughing so hard at this excuse for a book that it's hard to type.

Yes, once again I dipped into the scummy puddle of questionable fluids that is the Anita Blake books these days. Don't judge me -- the paperback was free, and I needed truly mindless reading for a plane ride.

And it appears that Laurell K. Hamilton has dropped any pretense of a plot. Because there's nothing resembling that creature in this book.

How is it that a once-interesting character has become a blow-up doll with a pulse? I used to argue that it was the men who had become flat and lifeless in this world, but really, Anita is just as bad -- and self-involved and annoying to boot. She offers the many, many men who line up for a guided tour through her magical cavern nothing but sex -- supposedly fabulous, mind-blowing sex, but completely devoid of emotion or meaning.

In return, the men must never look at another woman (or man), never step out of bounds, do *exactly* as they're told, and serve in whatever role Anita chooses. Any rebellion or independent thought -- and it's back to the lotion and tissues for you, buddy!

Seriously -- can the sex be good enough to put up with that shit? Get over yourself?

The pregnancy scare? Pathetic. Too many potential daddies, the scene with Ronnie was *terrible,* and the scare's not much of a scare if Anita's still banging away with every supernatural in sight.

There's *supposed* to be a story here, about multiple vampire Masters and a vampire dance troupe visiting St. Louis, but this is all crammed into the last third of the book and isn't really dealt with even then. The big political party where all the Masters will be? We don't get to see it -- instead, Anita's getting pounded on the office couch!

Now there was a point ... a brief shining moment. Anita, in the midst of having sex and becoming even *more* powerful (she's gonna be a panwere, ya'll!) could have broken the main triumvirate between herself, Jean-Claude and Richard. She could have walked away, and chosen humanity.

This would have been a stunning turn of events, and could have put the series on a new, exciting track. But she wimps out, because of some third-stringer vamp that no one cares about.

Sigh.

So here's the book:

Whine about "relationships." Fight with Richard. Have sex. Kiss a girl. Move to another room, whine about relationships. Fight with someone else, have sex. Have more sex, add in bestiality and blood play. Move to nearby corridor, fight with Richard, have group sex. Rinse and repeat.

The book takes place in a maybe 24-hour period. It may have been written in 24 hours as well.

Sad, sad, sad.

Movie Report: Slither

Of course I had to watch this 2006 flick -- it's got Captain Tightpants (Nathan Fillion) in it!

And I had a darn good time watching it -- this is pure B-movie fun that's chock full of campy goodness.

A disfuntional husband in a small town gets bitten by some sort of alien insect, and starts to mutate. There's lots of slug monsters. Hilarity ensues.

The script is witty, but won't win any awards. It's a horror movie for horror movie fans. Lots of gore, lots of laughs, and everyone knows the jokes.

And everyone in the cast appears to be having such a darn good time, it's impossible for the viewers not to have fun too.

This is one I'd be happy to watch again.

Book Report: The Killer Angels

Such beautiful desperation.

Killer Angels is a fictional retelling of the Battle of Gettysburg, seen from both sides of the line. These are men frustrated and driven to distraction by the futility of being forced to kill their brothers.

Lee flounders after the loss of his right-hand man, Stonewall Jackson, and is blinded by the incompetence of the gloryhound J.E.B. Stuart. But it's Longstreet who's the tragedy of this tale -- a Southern general who's farsighted enough to see that he's sending "his boys" to their deaths in Pickett's disastrous charge, but helpless to do anything else because he must follow orders.

Chamberlain and the 20th Maine are the stars of the Union story, as the gentle professor shows that he was a formidable fighter and a born leader. These brave volunteers held the Union's left flank during the Battle of Little Round Top, desperate for aid or even a few supplies. It is in their story that you see the humanity, and the nightmare, of the war.

The simple, to-the-point writing style captured the spirit of these men for me, although I wonder how much of the interior dialogues and philosophy around the campfires were created in Michael Shaara's mind alone.

Sympathetic and careful, Killer Angels breathes life into historical figures without disrespecting their memories.

Movie Report: RV

So I was bored, this was on cable, I wasn't expecting much ...

It worked.

Robin Williams plays a harried business exec preparing to take his spoiled family on vacation to Hawaii. But his vindictive, germaphobic boss tells him he's got to make a big sales pitch in Colorado or lose his job.

What to do? Since Williams' character appears to be incapable of telling his family the truth, he rents a big-ass RV and takes the crew on a series of wacky adventures.

It's cute. And it's pretty darn amusing. But the main family ... it's another one of those families you see in movies that has *absolutely* no grip on reality. At least no reality I've ever seen before.

Because the mom (Cheryl Hinds) is completely wrapped up in her upper class, cushy lifestyle, even as she berates her husband for working too much. The kids are stereotypes, albeit amusing ones.

I have a feeling that in real life I would *despise* these people. On TV, they're tolerable.

It's Williams never-ending ability to make a fool of himself is worth your time, along with some supporting performances that go for the fences. The bizarre, country/western Von Trapp style family they meet along the way *make* the movie.

National Lampoon's Vacation is the better movie, but if that's not on, RV might be worth watching.

Book Report: The Silver Wolf

Werewolves in Rome? How could I resist?

And the werewolf part is pretty good. I liked that it avoided the "slobbery killer beast" cliche. And the Rome part is good -- Alice Borchardt brings the dying Rome of the eighth century to life in all its nasty, smelly, diseased decadence.

But something was ... lacking, somehow.

Regeane is an orphaned relation of Charlamagne who happens to be a werewolf. Her guardian, Gundabald, and his nasty son Hugo plan to restore their fallen fortunes by marrying Regeane to a wealthy barbarian, even though she might inadvertently make him into a bedtime snack.

They lock her up, starve her and beat her a lot. Just the thing to do with someone you're going to have to have clean and presentable for the marriage market.

And Regeane is characterized so poorly that you can't predict what she's doing to do from minute to minute. She's supposed to have a quiet power, yet she spends an awful lot of time stomping her feet, crying and shouting. She *hates* her uncle, then has a fit when Lucilla announces she's going to kill him.

Then again, Lucilla's wild emotion swings and lapses in judgment make her pretty darn annoying, too.

Antonius? Borchardt tries to make him wise and mysterious, and mostly fails. Then she spends the majority of the book setting him up as a lover for Regeane, and then blows it all with an awkward "yeah, we're not going there" monologue.

The romance ... mostly wasn't, although I liked Maeniel and his crew. But there was absolutely no mystery to the other wolves -- I knew who they were within seconds.

And did we have to have 300 pages or so of Regeane learning to be a confident, self-sufficient woman only to have her get stuck in that ridiculous, damsel in distress ending? Sigh.

Even with it's many faults, though, I found myself enjoying the ride, in a trashy romance sort of way. Borchardt's descriptions are vivid and lyrical, and it was easy to close my eyes and see the action.

Don't expect anything deep -- this is beach or airplane reading. It's better than the in-flight magazine.

Movie Report: Ocean's Thirteen

OK -- so I'm a sucker for these big, splashy heist movies. I love 'em. So I had, had, had to see this opening weekend.

Their old buddy and partner in crime, Ruben, has been double crossed and may be down for the count. So it's up to Danny Ocean and his crew to reunite and make it right.

I liked that it wasn't about the money this time -- it was about making the other guy lose. And I'm intrigued by the Old Vegas, "you shook Sinatra's hand" code -- it might be worth looking into further. (Sue me -- I'm a writer, I latch onto something interesting and I have to research it.)

And Thirteen is fun for so many reasons -- Al Pacino is slimy and has the worst taste ever, in a send up of some of his past parts that doesn't devolve into a parody. Andy Garcia, as the crew's old nemesis, gets a few good scenes and a few good evil smirks.

There's no love interest to eat up screen time this time -- no offense to Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones, but we don't go to these movies to see you. Now there's more time for male bonding, including some well-played and not over done scenes between Brad Pitt and George Clooney. The feeling of camaraderie among these honorable, charismatic thieves is far more noticeable this time around.

Ellen Barkin, however, struck me as too ditzy and scatterbrained to be the major domo of a major player like Pacino's Willy Bank.

And the plotting! Oh the plotting and the thieving -- twisty and complicated, with multiple cons and off the cuff plots -- I was very amused.

I got to see Eddie Izzard again, always a plus, but I have a feeling most of his plotline (about a rivalry with an old school chum) was left on the cutting room floor.

Charm, charisma by the bucketful, humor and just plain fun -- this will be a DVD purchase.

Matt Damon's sendoff -- "see you when I see you" -- leaves me hope for Oceans Fourteen.

I Made It! Works in Progress

I'm insane, and I love Noro Kureyon. So I took all the little odds and ends of it in my bag and started knitting 31-stitch mitered squares in garter stitch. No concern for color layout, no planning, just one square melting into the next.

I think it wants to be a blanket when it grows up. It will either be gorgeous, or it will look like a Technicolor nightmare. Stay tuned.



Like I said, I'm insane. So I'm gonna start a Lizard Ridge too, knitting it as a grab a new ball of Noro off a sale rack or eBay. Damn Mass Ave. Knit Shop for having all their yarns on sale and NOT carrying Kureyon!!!

Speaking of Mass Ave. Knit Shop, I also didn't like the blank look I got when I asked for Handmaiden Sea Silk. (I want to make the Montego Bay Scarf out of the summer IK.) And every time I go in there, I always feel like I'm interrupting some great party that I wasn't invited to. It's hard to get any assistance picking yarns or patterns, or even finding someone willing to take my money. I'm glad it won't be my LYS for much longer.



And showing my insanity knows no bounds, what you you think of the idea of a beach blanket in neon-bright cotton? That's what this might be, many, many squares from now.

I Made It! Got Dishes?

Because I just can't stop knitting with cotton, here's three dishclothes I made for my mommy's new red and white color scheme in her kitchen:



It's hard to see in these pictures, but there is an Apple ...



a Paw Print ...



And a kitty!

But those three weren't enough, so I made yet *another* Mason-Dixon washcloth and a dishtowel based on the Mason-Dixon Baby Genius Burpcloth.