Movie Report: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

OK, so the first FF movie didn't exactly rock the world. It was silly and cheesy, and Not Doom made me want to kill the screenwriter.

But in a strange, cheesy sort of way, I didn't hate it. So J and I caught a matinee of the sequel.

Not Doom still makes me want to kill.

THAT IS NOT VICTOR VON DOOM!!!! That is some petty, slimy yuppie in a cloak he got at a Renaissance Faire!!! Why in pie are they ruining one of the best Marvel villains ever! ARRUUUUGGGGHHHH!

Sorry -- I'll calm down now.

The look of the Silver Surfer was, dare I say it, Fantastic -- it's obvious where much of the film's fx budget went. And it was money well spent. And Laurence Fishburne does a wonderful job with the Surfer's few lines.

The whole "steal the board" bit ... well, it was a bit simplistic. One does not swipe the Power Cosmic. But I can understand why they dumbed it down for a 92-minute movie. But I would have liked to see Alicia's part expanded, as it was in the comics.

Galactus ... let's just say I was less happy with Galactus. I don't need to go off into another screaming rant.

But if I was going to rant, I might add in a bitch about the most egregious (and dumb) product placement I've seen in a *long* time. Or how the makeup and costume people actually make Jessica Alba look both old and kinda unattractive.

Seriously -- the Barbie blonde hair extensions are so badly done they look like something Britney Spears would wear. Did they have to compound the problem with gobs of frosted blue eyeliner?

Good stuff ... the Surfer, like I said. The camaraderie and teamwork among the FF. Reed and the Thing are done well. Stan Lee gets another good cameo.

And Johnny gets to be a Super Skrull? I don't know how I feel about that one yet.

Most of all, the movie does what it sets out to -- family fun with a wink and a smile. The action is tamed to a PG, and this is a flick you could take your kids to if you don't want to sit through Shrek again.

Not the best superhero movie ever made, but not the worst, either.

But if I find the person responsible for Not Doom, there's gonna be violence.