Only YOU Can Save Ant-Man

For the past few months, I've been laughing my butt off at Marvel's The Ireedemable Ant-Man, about a hero who's kind of a zero.

Yeah, he can be a real tool sometimes (seducing his dead buddy's girl *on* the dead buddy's grave? That's cold, man) but the book is funny, witty and even in his worst moments, Eric is still less of an asshat than Iron Man.

But now, Marvel wants to cancel my fun. First Nextwave, and now this? C'mon Marvel -- have a heart! Have a funny bone!

Ant-Man's got everything -- drama, vengeful old bosses, Ms. Marvel in the shower ... and the Wii! Think about the Wii!

So go out and buy the first Ant-Man trade. Do it soon. Save Ant-Man.

If we don't, they might stick Pym back into that suit, and trust me, no one wants to see that.

Movie Report: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

OK, so the first FF movie didn't exactly rock the world. It was silly and cheesy, and Not Doom made me want to kill the screenwriter.

But in a strange, cheesy sort of way, I didn't hate it. So J and I caught a matinee of the sequel.

Not Doom still makes me want to kill.

THAT IS NOT VICTOR VON DOOM!!!! That is some petty, slimy yuppie in a cloak he got at a Renaissance Faire!!! Why in pie are they ruining one of the best Marvel villains ever! ARRUUUUGGGGHHHH!

Sorry -- I'll calm down now.

The look of the Silver Surfer was, dare I say it, Fantastic -- it's obvious where much of the film's fx budget went. And it was money well spent. And Laurence Fishburne does a wonderful job with the Surfer's few lines.

The whole "steal the board" bit ... well, it was a bit simplistic. One does not swipe the Power Cosmic. But I can understand why they dumbed it down for a 92-minute movie. But I would have liked to see Alicia's part expanded, as it was in the comics.

Galactus ... let's just say I was less happy with Galactus. I don't need to go off into another screaming rant.

But if I was going to rant, I might add in a bitch about the most egregious (and dumb) product placement I've seen in a *long* time. Or how the makeup and costume people actually make Jessica Alba look both old and kinda unattractive.

Seriously -- the Barbie blonde hair extensions are so badly done they look like something Britney Spears would wear. Did they have to compound the problem with gobs of frosted blue eyeliner?

Good stuff ... the Surfer, like I said. The camaraderie and teamwork among the FF. Reed and the Thing are done well. Stan Lee gets another good cameo.

And Johnny gets to be a Super Skrull? I don't know how I feel about that one yet.

Most of all, the movie does what it sets out to -- family fun with a wink and a smile. The action is tamed to a PG, and this is a flick you could take your kids to if you don't want to sit through Shrek again.

Not the best superhero movie ever made, but not the worst, either.

But if I find the person responsible for Not Doom, there's gonna be violence.

You Knit What? Fashion Is Murder

The only thing I can figure out on this one is that some knit designer watched a "CSI" marathon on Spike TV.

And somewhere in the 12th hour of Grissom and Sara's wacky antics, said knit designer thought to herself ... "Gee I wish I had a purse that looked like a cross-section of brain. I'd knit it in blood red, so it looks like something left on a autopsy table."

And that, my friends, is how this purse was born. It's a Lion Brand free pattern, just in case you want a brainy cross-section for your very own. Try making it in a pinkish-gray!

TV Report: Alias, Season One

So a couple of years ago, I tried to start watching Alias. And then I thought -- "What in the heck is up with all this Rambaldi nonsense?"

Obviously, this was a show I should have watched from the beginning. So when I found the first season cheap, I snapped it up.

This is fun, James Bond meets MTV stuff. Sydney Bristow is recruited from college to be a spy. (This was always my secret dream when I was in college.) Now she chases around the world in short skirts and an assortment of wigs, doing sneaky spy stuff and talking into headsets.

There's a big, elaborate double agent plot I'm not even gonna try to explain. Watch it for yourself. But there's lots of action, good suspense, a dash of romance -- and someone finally starts to explain all that Rambaldi stuff! (It's a MacGuffin -- go with it.)

Some stunt casting (Roger Moore, and a hip villainous turn by Quentin Tarantino) ups the cool factor, and a slick soundtrack may be worth researching and downloading. My biggest problem? Sydney -- she tends to the whiney and emo. But Spy Daddy (Sydney's father, Jack Bristow) is twelve shades of fabulous -- he steals the show every time he appears on screen.

A guilty pleasure, but a good one.

Comic Report: Runaways Vol. 7: Live Fast

The final volume of Runaways before the great Joss Whedon experiment, this deals with the meltdown after the major events of Vol. 6.

Chase ... I love the guy, but he does some very naughty things. Of course wouldn't any teenager with an urge for resurrection and a hotline to giants from the Old Testament do the same thing?

And I was terribly amused with the twist at the end, revealing who had been helping Molly. A reference to an old Pat Benatar song gives the book a touch of 80s cred (which should be the new hotness.) Iron Man's appearance ... meh. Shellhead's a tool most of the time these days.

I've switched to picking up Runaways as a monthly comic -- I hope Marvel gives it a good, long run.

Book Report: Danse Macabre

BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

You must excuse me -- I'm laughing so hard at this excuse for a book that it's hard to type.

Yes, once again I dipped into the scummy puddle of questionable fluids that is the Anita Blake books these days. Don't judge me -- the paperback was free, and I needed truly mindless reading for a plane ride.

And it appears that Laurell K. Hamilton has dropped any pretense of a plot. Because there's nothing resembling that creature in this book.

How is it that a once-interesting character has become a blow-up doll with a pulse? I used to argue that it was the men who had become flat and lifeless in this world, but really, Anita is just as bad -- and self-involved and annoying to boot. She offers the many, many men who line up for a guided tour through her magical cavern nothing but sex -- supposedly fabulous, mind-blowing sex, but completely devoid of emotion or meaning.

In return, the men must never look at another woman (or man), never step out of bounds, do *exactly* as they're told, and serve in whatever role Anita chooses. Any rebellion or independent thought -- and it's back to the lotion and tissues for you, buddy!

Seriously -- can the sex be good enough to put up with that shit? Get over yourself?

The pregnancy scare? Pathetic. Too many potential daddies, the scene with Ronnie was *terrible,* and the scare's not much of a scare if Anita's still banging away with every supernatural in sight.

There's *supposed* to be a story here, about multiple vampire Masters and a vampire dance troupe visiting St. Louis, but this is all crammed into the last third of the book and isn't really dealt with even then. The big political party where all the Masters will be? We don't get to see it -- instead, Anita's getting pounded on the office couch!

Now there was a point ... a brief shining moment. Anita, in the midst of having sex and becoming even *more* powerful (she's gonna be a panwere, ya'll!) could have broken the main triumvirate between herself, Jean-Claude and Richard. She could have walked away, and chosen humanity.

This would have been a stunning turn of events, and could have put the series on a new, exciting track. But she wimps out, because of some third-stringer vamp that no one cares about.

Sigh.

So here's the book:

Whine about "relationships." Fight with Richard. Have sex. Kiss a girl. Move to another room, whine about relationships. Fight with someone else, have sex. Have more sex, add in bestiality and blood play. Move to nearby corridor, fight with Richard, have group sex. Rinse and repeat.

The book takes place in a maybe 24-hour period. It may have been written in 24 hours as well.

Sad, sad, sad.

Movie Report: Slither

Of course I had to watch this 2006 flick -- it's got Captain Tightpants (Nathan Fillion) in it!

And I had a darn good time watching it -- this is pure B-movie fun that's chock full of campy goodness.

A disfuntional husband in a small town gets bitten by some sort of alien insect, and starts to mutate. There's lots of slug monsters. Hilarity ensues.

The script is witty, but won't win any awards. It's a horror movie for horror movie fans. Lots of gore, lots of laughs, and everyone knows the jokes.

And everyone in the cast appears to be having such a darn good time, it's impossible for the viewers not to have fun too.

This is one I'd be happy to watch again.

Book Report: The Killer Angels

Such beautiful desperation.

Killer Angels is a fictional retelling of the Battle of Gettysburg, seen from both sides of the line. These are men frustrated and driven to distraction by the futility of being forced to kill their brothers.

Lee flounders after the loss of his right-hand man, Stonewall Jackson, and is blinded by the incompetence of the gloryhound J.E.B. Stuart. But it's Longstreet who's the tragedy of this tale -- a Southern general who's farsighted enough to see that he's sending "his boys" to their deaths in Pickett's disastrous charge, but helpless to do anything else because he must follow orders.

Chamberlain and the 20th Maine are the stars of the Union story, as the gentle professor shows that he was a formidable fighter and a born leader. These brave volunteers held the Union's left flank during the Battle of Little Round Top, desperate for aid or even a few supplies. It is in their story that you see the humanity, and the nightmare, of the war.

The simple, to-the-point writing style captured the spirit of these men for me, although I wonder how much of the interior dialogues and philosophy around the campfires were created in Michael Shaara's mind alone.

Sympathetic and careful, Killer Angels breathes life into historical figures without disrespecting their memories.

Movie Report: RV

So I was bored, this was on cable, I wasn't expecting much ...

It worked.

Robin Williams plays a harried business exec preparing to take his spoiled family on vacation to Hawaii. But his vindictive, germaphobic boss tells him he's got to make a big sales pitch in Colorado or lose his job.

What to do? Since Williams' character appears to be incapable of telling his family the truth, he rents a big-ass RV and takes the crew on a series of wacky adventures.

It's cute. And it's pretty darn amusing. But the main family ... it's another one of those families you see in movies that has *absolutely* no grip on reality. At least no reality I've ever seen before.

Because the mom (Cheryl Hinds) is completely wrapped up in her upper class, cushy lifestyle, even as she berates her husband for working too much. The kids are stereotypes, albeit amusing ones.

I have a feeling that in real life I would *despise* these people. On TV, they're tolerable.

It's Williams never-ending ability to make a fool of himself is worth your time, along with some supporting performances that go for the fences. The bizarre, country/western Von Trapp style family they meet along the way *make* the movie.

National Lampoon's Vacation is the better movie, but if that's not on, RV might be worth watching.

Book Report: The Silver Wolf

Werewolves in Rome? How could I resist?

And the werewolf part is pretty good. I liked that it avoided the "slobbery killer beast" cliche. And the Rome part is good -- Alice Borchardt brings the dying Rome of the eighth century to life in all its nasty, smelly, diseased decadence.

But something was ... lacking, somehow.

Regeane is an orphaned relation of Charlamagne who happens to be a werewolf. Her guardian, Gundabald, and his nasty son Hugo plan to restore their fallen fortunes by marrying Regeane to a wealthy barbarian, even though she might inadvertently make him into a bedtime snack.

They lock her up, starve her and beat her a lot. Just the thing to do with someone you're going to have to have clean and presentable for the marriage market.

And Regeane is characterized so poorly that you can't predict what she's doing to do from minute to minute. She's supposed to have a quiet power, yet she spends an awful lot of time stomping her feet, crying and shouting. She *hates* her uncle, then has a fit when Lucilla announces she's going to kill him.

Then again, Lucilla's wild emotion swings and lapses in judgment make her pretty darn annoying, too.

Antonius? Borchardt tries to make him wise and mysterious, and mostly fails. Then she spends the majority of the book setting him up as a lover for Regeane, and then blows it all with an awkward "yeah, we're not going there" monologue.

The romance ... mostly wasn't, although I liked Maeniel and his crew. But there was absolutely no mystery to the other wolves -- I knew who they were within seconds.

And did we have to have 300 pages or so of Regeane learning to be a confident, self-sufficient woman only to have her get stuck in that ridiculous, damsel in distress ending? Sigh.

Even with it's many faults, though, I found myself enjoying the ride, in a trashy romance sort of way. Borchardt's descriptions are vivid and lyrical, and it was easy to close my eyes and see the action.

Don't expect anything deep -- this is beach or airplane reading. It's better than the in-flight magazine.

Movie Report: Ocean's Thirteen

OK -- so I'm a sucker for these big, splashy heist movies. I love 'em. So I had, had, had to see this opening weekend.

Their old buddy and partner in crime, Ruben, has been double crossed and may be down for the count. So it's up to Danny Ocean and his crew to reunite and make it right.

I liked that it wasn't about the money this time -- it was about making the other guy lose. And I'm intrigued by the Old Vegas, "you shook Sinatra's hand" code -- it might be worth looking into further. (Sue me -- I'm a writer, I latch onto something interesting and I have to research it.)

And Thirteen is fun for so many reasons -- Al Pacino is slimy and has the worst taste ever, in a send up of some of his past parts that doesn't devolve into a parody. Andy Garcia, as the crew's old nemesis, gets a few good scenes and a few good evil smirks.

There's no love interest to eat up screen time this time -- no offense to Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones, but we don't go to these movies to see you. Now there's more time for male bonding, including some well-played and not over done scenes between Brad Pitt and George Clooney. The feeling of camaraderie among these honorable, charismatic thieves is far more noticeable this time around.

Ellen Barkin, however, struck me as too ditzy and scatterbrained to be the major domo of a major player like Pacino's Willy Bank.

And the plotting! Oh the plotting and the thieving -- twisty and complicated, with multiple cons and off the cuff plots -- I was very amused.

I got to see Eddie Izzard again, always a plus, but I have a feeling most of his plotline (about a rivalry with an old school chum) was left on the cutting room floor.

Charm, charisma by the bucketful, humor and just plain fun -- this will be a DVD purchase.

Matt Damon's sendoff -- "see you when I see you" -- leaves me hope for Oceans Fourteen.

I Made It! Works in Progress

I'm insane, and I love Noro Kureyon. So I took all the little odds and ends of it in my bag and started knitting 31-stitch mitered squares in garter stitch. No concern for color layout, no planning, just one square melting into the next.

I think it wants to be a blanket when it grows up. It will either be gorgeous, or it will look like a Technicolor nightmare. Stay tuned.



Like I said, I'm insane. So I'm gonna start a Lizard Ridge too, knitting it as a grab a new ball of Noro off a sale rack or eBay. Damn Mass Ave. Knit Shop for having all their yarns on sale and NOT carrying Kureyon!!!

Speaking of Mass Ave. Knit Shop, I also didn't like the blank look I got when I asked for Handmaiden Sea Silk. (I want to make the Montego Bay Scarf out of the summer IK.) And every time I go in there, I always feel like I'm interrupting some great party that I wasn't invited to. It's hard to get any assistance picking yarns or patterns, or even finding someone willing to take my money. I'm glad it won't be my LYS for much longer.



And showing my insanity knows no bounds, what you you think of the idea of a beach blanket in neon-bright cotton? That's what this might be, many, many squares from now.

I Made It! Got Dishes?

Because I just can't stop knitting with cotton, here's three dishclothes I made for my mommy's new red and white color scheme in her kitchen:



It's hard to see in these pictures, but there is an Apple ...



a Paw Print ...



And a kitty!

But those three weren't enough, so I made yet *another* Mason-Dixon washcloth and a dishtowel based on the Mason-Dixon Baby Genius Burpcloth.