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Birthday Wish List, 2012

2012-01-27T14:42:00.000-08:00

Haven't done a birthday list in a few years -- funny to see that the sweater pictured I linked in 2008 is the sweater that's on my needles right now.

Anyway, it's the big birthday day, and I get to wish for whatever I want.

1. More time near the ocean. I love it, feel recharged every time I get near it, but we don't go nearly as often as I would like. I understand that J doesn't get the same thrill from it as I do (I am very much a water baby) but dangit, I want some beach time!

I took the pic at the top last month at Santa Cruz, btw. First time we'd been there in *ages.*

2. More writing. Now, those of you who know me are thinking "Wut? Don't you write all day every day?" Yes, but that's my job. My own writing projects get neglected when I'm too exhausted or too stressed to think about anything but heating up a frozen pizza and watching Castle. That needs to change.

3. I need to cowgirl up and work on the apartment. We've been here for four-and-a-half years, and it still looks like we're moving in. There's a lot we could do to make it better.

4. Health and happiness for all my family and friends. May you only have good things.

5. High CCU. If you don't know what that means, that's OK.

6. If anyone wants to get me two of these chairs in black, I wouldn't complain. :)

7. Excellent yarn. I'm knitting a Central Park Hoodie in Dream in Color Classy now, and it's amazing how much the yarn contributes to my enjoyment of a project. I am an official yarn snob.

8. I want to cook more. The food tastes better, it's better for us and I *know* what went into it. I've been working on my cookie technique, made a cake from scratch, and even roasted a chicken with great success. This, as the Dread Lord Martha might say, is a good thing.

9. JAPAN! J and I have been talking about a trip to Japan for more than a decade. Is this the year that we go?

10. This year I will finally visit Alcatraz. Say what you want, hipsters -- I enjoy touristing around California. The Rock has been at the top of my list for a while, and the closest I've gotten was a boat ride around the island.

11. Cupcakes. I think I want a cupcake.

12. Hey Blogger! Be nice if your CMS didn't add a bunch of extra div tags every time I try to drop in a picture!

Don't make me do my own coding. No one wins in that scenario. :)

Anyway, best wishes to everyone over the next year. May you get everything on your list.

So as I was saying ...

2012-01-27T14:20:00.000-08:00

Haven't been here for awhile -- nice to see the old place is still around.

Don't know what made me think about blogging again. the Facebook beast takes up most of what passes for social networking these days, and my Twitter is work only.

But I am trying out some new things -- why not try out some old things?

I stopped blogging because there was a lot of things going on that I couldn't talk about, and it felt disingenuous.

The odd thing about having a semi-"public" identity (and saints above, please don't let the Trekkies find this -- parts of my life should and will be mine and mine alone) is that I expect everything I post on the Internet to be used against me in a forum fight someday. It makes me consider what I say very carefully. Trust me -- that's not always fun.

So what happened? Some good things happened, then some bad things, then we launched a game (and if you haven't played Star Trek Online, go do so RITE NAO), then some more bad things, mixed with a few good things, then I had ice cream ... you get the picture. Overall, I'd say there's been more good than bad, which is always nice.

As to what I'll talk about here? I don't know. Knitting and movies, probably, writing, games -- things that interest me.

You might not find them fascinating, but then again, I'm not writing this to please you, Mr. and/or Ms. So Doesn't Find My Life Interesting.

This is for me.

My New Favorite Quote

2008-06-19T16:18:00.000-07:00

"I’ve worked under tyrants and I can say that I’d prefer to work under a talented, knowledgeable tyrant with a successful plan than a directionless gladhander with a ouija board any day of the week."

-- Comic writer Chuck Dixon,
talking about his recent break with DC.
Source

Book Report: Haunted

2008-05-01T17:49:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm still reading the Women of the Otherworld series when I'm in the mood. And I'm still waiting for a book that's half as good as Bitten was.

Remember way back when when I talked about Industrial Magic and I mention just how freaking annoying Paige is? Yep, still annoying.

Luckily, we don't get to see much of her this book. Instead, we get ghostie Eve, who's got to cut into her schedule of stalking her teenage daughter and rejecting the love of her life (for no good reason) to pay back the debt she owes to the Fates.

They set her on the trail of the Nix, a part-demon serial killer who's been body hopping and raising hell for a couple hundred years now.

While I enjoyed Eve and Kristoff bopping about the afterlife looking for a murderer, and the sequences in the pirate village, a very unusual hell for the worst of the worst and the Scottish castle were inspired, the story started to drag every time the author created another reason for us to visit Jamie Vegas, or Paige, or ... yeah, we get it. Big world. For the most part though, unless I'm getting to see the werewolves or more Kristoff, enough with the cameo parade.

But this isn't just a job for Eve, it's a trial -- one that could change her afterlife forever if she succeeds. Is a half-demon ghost witch ready to become a full-fledged angel? And since the angels she's meeting are all boring, snippy or incompetent, why would she want to?

Overall, this wasn't a bad turn-your-brain-off book, but it wasn't a great one, either. It's certainly not one that I'd recommend for a friend, and I've recommended Bitten several times.

Oh well, in the next book in the series Elena and Clay are back. Here's hoping it's a good return.

Book Report: Sprawl Survival Guide

2008-04-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

Another Shadowrun book.

One of the coolest of the many cool things about Shadowrun is the incredibly detailed universe. You can really get into it with books like this one, which details the minutia of daily life in the 2060s. From culture, shopping and media to life on the streets, you get a really good feel for the high-tech, high-magic, pseudo-post apocalyptic world.

Not many rules, though, and those that do exist should be easily translatable to whichever edition of the game you choose to play. So rules lawyers will be bored, and roleplayers will be overjoyed.

Slot your credstick, chummer -- you need this one if you're going to be in the world rather than just skate on top of it.

Book Report: Portfolio of a Dragon: Dunklezahn's Secrets

2008-04-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

We've got a Shadowrun game going, and it's working out well. So I've been inspired to crack open a few of the older books and bone up on my runner info.

This has always been one of my favorites. The last will and testament of the great dragon Dunklezahn, this book is chock full of story ideas and drops a few little tidbits of info about the Shadowrun/Earthdawn metaplot (A nifty storyline that has sadly gone the way of the dodo. That's one of the reasons I still play third edition.)

Damn I've played in some cool games based on this book. Remind me to tell you about Glamis Castle sometime ...

When this book came out, we were actively playing through the storyline, albeit a few months behind. So when there was a MAJOR SPOILER on the back of the cover in giant letters, John about choked. Rule for the future, game companies -- don't give away the big major secrets that players should not know on the back cover.

Is this worth tracking down a used copy if you don't already have one? If you're interested in the back history of Shadowrun/Earthdawn or are running a game in the past, sure. If not, unfortunately the Shadowrun universe has moved in a different direction that the one pointed to in this book.

Movie Report: Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008)

2008-04-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

The first Harold and Kumar flick was funny as hell.

I didn't think they could catch lightning twice, so I wasn't too psyched for the sequel. Then I saw that teaser poster with Neil Patrick Harris on a unicorn (NPH!!!!) and I knew I'd have to see this.

So it's not the same as the first movie. But it's basically 90 minutes of stoner humor. If that's what you're in the mood for, groovy.

So nudity, vulgarity, lots of vulgarity, oral sex jokes and skewering of stupid people. The government types in this movie just get savaged. And cameos abound.

But if anything, my beloved NPH didn't get used enough. Yes, his sequence was hysterical and trippy, but was it trippy enough? C'mon NPH -- I know you can push it farther, baby! You're the king!

Now that the guys have gotten to Amsterdam, and this movie has actually made some bank (something that the original never did in the theaters) I'll be back in the theater for H&K III.

Movie Report: Gigi (1958)

2008-04-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

I'll admit to being slightly creeped out at the start of this movie by Maurice Chevalier's ... enthusiasm when he's looking at the girls in the park. Thank heaven for little girls indeed!

Anyway, once we get over that, Gigi is a stylish, light, big budget, big style, old school Hollywood musical. Leslie Caron plays a tomboyish courtesan-in-training who just doesn't fit in. Louis Jourdan is the bored, spoiled playboy who suddenly decides he loves her.

The whole "girls raised to be rich men's mistresses" plot could be seen as horribly anti-feminist, but its not. These women know exactly what they're getting into, and what they're getting out of it. They can reject their lovers and move on. And when Gigi decides she doesn't want that kind of life, she doesn't have to have it. In fact, it's the man who has to change to please her.

And kudos to Chevalier and Hermoine Gingold, who steal the entire picture with a charming and touching performance of "I Remember It Well." Forget Gaston and Gigi -- I wanted to know more about these two and their obviously fascinating history.

TV Report: Babylon 5: Season 1

2008-04-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

As I've established before, Babylon 5 is full of both awesome and win.

So after I got the chance to hear JMS speak about writing a few months ago, I started watching the first season again.

The first thing the first season does right is introduce my beloved Ivanova as a replacement for the first officer in the pilot. OK, so there's a new doctor and telepath too, but Ivanova is God. She even tells you that -- I've seen the T-shirts.

We also get to see the first signs of JMS's obsession with Arthurian mythology, and then, at the end of the season, the dreaded and nasty Mr. Morden, and the onset of what the show is *really* about. The fact that this shows makes the question "What do you want?" to be this chilling and disturbing shows how well its done.

This is a show that really blooms on DVD. There are so many intertwining threads that it sometimes made me crazy to wait for the syndication schedule. On DVD, I can watch hours one right after the other, and the master work of the storytelling is allowed to unfold as it should.

And this is one of the weaker seasons, if only because it spends so much time setting up what would happen in seasons 2-4. Its still one of the best things that's appeared on TV.

Movie Report: Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

2008-04-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

OK, so I never saw this in the theater. Not that I'm not a Trekkie or anything, but dude! It was 2002, and they released this right before LotR! Priorities!

So I finally got around to watching it. And while I will say that it's obvious that both the screenwriter and director were not Trek fans (and whoever hired them should be slapped) and that the errors are *legion*, it still actually has the bones of a halfway decent tale.

Romulans make everything better.

So what works? Romulans. The TNG cast is always good, and it's obvious that they all have an affection for their parts. There are some fun action scenes. Some of the deeper questions make you think, although ultimately they aren't answered.

What didn't work? Loads of techno-babble. Boring dialogue. Boring sets. Production values so bad that I wouldn't have been surprised to see the Gorn captain from "Arena" wandering though a shot. Shinzon's bloody British accent. Dragging out that tired old cliche of bad androids. Seriously -- when is the crew of the Enterprise going to stop bring home stray evil robots?

Not the best, not the worst of the Trek films. I'm hoping that the upcoming movie gives a jolt to the whole franchise.

Movie Report: Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

2008-04-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

Pirates kick ass.

Johnny Depp as a pirate? That kicks major ass. It's like pirates juggling chainsaws and shooting lightning while kicking ass.

This may be one of the ultimate summer movies -- a trilogy for the 2000s the way that Star Wars defined the late 1970s. I loves me some pirates.

I'm not going to bother blogging about the plot, or the fun, or the amazing action scenes, or the wonderful soundtrack, because you know all of that. This movie's been out for five years -- you've seen it. You probably own the DVD, because it sold like five jillion copies.

And if you haven't seen it, just get off my blog. Now.

Just simply amazing.

Now, bring me that horizon ...

Movie Report: The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)

2008-04-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

First cool thing about this movie was that I saw something I hadn't seen in a loooong time: A sellout.

Friday night at a big San Jose multiplex showing this on three screens -- and no tickets available! J and I had to wait until the 10 p.m. shows, and it was actually cool to see a big crowd excited about something that wasn't Hannah Montana in 3D.

But J had been jonesing for this movie for weeks, so we weren't leaving until we saw some kung-fu action. Because the first movie teamup between Jackie Chan and Jet Li is an occasion, yo!

Problem No. 1, and it's a big one -- What's up with that annoying white kid? That is *not* who I came to see, and I'm disappointed that the filmmakers thought they needed an American to anchor the story. Particularly a stupid American who can't act terribly well.

OK, OK -- I can ignore the Karate Kid bit (Sweep the Leg!) if I get a good story. And I did.

It was obvious that Jet Li had a helluva good time playing the Monkey King, as did Chan with the crotchety old guy bit. And in their other parts, we got one *amazing* fight scene between the two of them -- one that I've been waiting years to see.

Jackie even busted out some drunken boxing moves, and he hasn't used those in ages!

So is it obvious that these two legends may be nearing retirement? Yes. Did I notice some use of wires and stuntmen where they hadn't been necessary before? Yes. Did I still have a good time? Hells yea!

Fabulous fights, fabulous costumes, a big, sweeping story and a tour through Chinese myth.

And Jet Li and Jackie Chan. What more do you want?

Book Report: Kohkumthena's Grandchildren: The Shawnee

2008-04-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

If you happen to have an interest in Native American culture, particularly that of the tribes that aren't as well-covered as the Sioux or Apache, *and* you can find a copy of this book, which had a very limited print run from a regional publisher, this is the book for you.

The author relates the oral traditions of the Shawnee through the framework of sacred relics coming to life and telling their stories to a young boy. It's an easy, non-scholarly read, although it has a scholarly background. While the author (Dark Rain Thom) didn't do the best job of documenting her sources, it's obvious that she did do her research.

I didn't find what I was looking for in this book (I've got a project rattling around in the back of my brain that would benefit greatly from some actual Shawnee ghost legends) it did give me a basis for characterizing these people and their beliefs.

Movie Report: Brokeback Mountain (2005)

2008-04-17T18:12:00.000-07:00

Brokeback Mountain was the movie I really wanted to see, but couldn't get anyone to go to the theater with me.

Even my lesbian buddies turned me down. Sigh.

Fast forward three years, and after Heath Ledger died the premium channels played this for like a week nonstop. My sweetie, remembering that I really wanted to see it and never got to, was kind enough to DV-R it for me.

He, of course, played WoW when I was watching it. Oh well -- it's the thought that counts.

So about a zillion gay cowboy jokes have been told about this movie. Forget that. It's not important that these are two men in love ... it's important that they are two *people* in love.

Because Ledger is heartbreakingly, achingly perfect in this part -- the way he speaks while barely moving his mouth, the slow blossoming as he finds true love, the despair when the magic summer ends, the excited run to meet Jack again. Every thing is just absolutely perfect. It was the performance of a decade.

If things would have been different, he would have been the actor that defined a generation. Maybe he still will be.

Every performance in this movie is good. But Heath was perfect.

You've got to see this. Every frame of this movie lingers with you. The silences are exquisite. You get to dive into these character's hearts. You can't skip this because of a few gay cowboy jokes.

Melancholy and magnificent. This movie will haunt you.

Book Report: Twilight

2008-04-16T17:02:00.000-07:00

I kept hearing how good these books were, how I was missing out, yadda, yadda, so when I had a gift certificate and I saw the first one in softcover I picked it up (along with a lovely book of scarf patterns).

And while it was fun while it lasted (enough so that I might even pick up the second one), I've gotta say a few things.

It was so emo. So, so, so, emo. So emo that emo is like sunshine in comparison. So emo that it makes black look like white. So emo that it makes seasons six and seven of Buffy look like Hello Kitty Adventures.

It's so emo that my friend J-Man and I could play a "find the emo" game. Open up the book to any random page and find the emo. It's ridiculously easy.

That's a whole lotta emo, yo. You gotta be prepared for that!

Secondly, glitter vampires? WTF?

Thirdly, Bella's kind of a bitch. Yeah, she's supposed to be wonderful and perfect and all (in a kind of Mary Sue way), but she manipulates people (poor Jacob) to get what she wants, lies constantly, pouts because she's popular, whines a lot, has an almost supernatural ability to get into and cause trouble, and goes totally stupid over a boy to the point that everything in her life revolves around whether or not Edward's being nice to her today.

Why does she love Edward sooooo much? Because he's a beautiful, perfect, glitter vampire. If he was fugly, she wouldn't have given him the time of day. Vapid wench.

And since we're talking about Edward, he's pretty and all, but kinda boring. He alternates between telling Bella she's perfect and amazing and wonderful and smells good, and telling her to shut up and be a good little pet human. He is not terribly interesting in either mode. And why, after decades of being alone, does he suddenly decide that this stupid so-and-so is his one and only? I don't get it.

Finally, why, oh why, did the bad guy suddenly decide he had to have himself a piece of Bella? Was it some supernatural thing, or did the author realize she'd written 400 pages of emo sighing and longing glances, and needed some action to keep the reader from falling asleep?

So it was another of those books that I had a good enough time reading, but looking back, I can't figure out why. Odd.

Movie Report: Justice League: The New Frontier

2008-04-15T16:38:00.000-07:00

Wow. Just wow.

A what-if story set in a loving tribute to the Silver Age and the 1950s, this movie was just spectacular, from the great voice acting (Neil Patrick Harris -- NPH, yo! -- as the Flash, David Boreanaz as Hal Stewart) to the slavish attention to detail in the costumes and backgrounds and the space age "it came from beyond" monster.

The McCarthy Era is overshadowing the heroes, driving some underground and others to question their path in life. It's a deep, intelligent portrayal of some of the most beloved of comic characters, and it's fabulous.

I'm kinda gushing, but this film is an absolute animation classic -- I wonder if they showed it on a few big screens before releasing the DVD so it would be eligible for the Best Animation Oscar.

I've since picked up the graphic novels on which this movie is based. They're sitting on my coffee table, and I can't wait to read 'em. If the movie was this good, the original story should really be something.

Movie Report: Superman: Doomsday

2008-04-14T16:23:00.000-07:00

The makers of the stellar Justice League animated series seem bound and determined in this movie to say "this ain't the Justice League."

No League. New voices. New style. New look. New violence. And Superman's gone for half the movie!

For the most part, it's OK. The new look for Supes was distracting -- what was up with those crazy cheekbones? Did they want him to look so ... old?

I'm ambivalent on the new voice cast, although I will admit that James Marsters rocks as Lex Luthor -- it's different from Clancy Brown's version, but still col. Anne Heche just doesn't do Lois as well as Dana Delany did, and as for Supes ... could I really complain about Adam Baldwin? He was in Firefly!

And while the movie will never match up to the depth of the landmark comic storyline, it does one thing very, very well: The fights between Superman and Doomsday may just be the very best Superman fights ever put on film.

These are brutal, nasty, city-smashing throwdowns. Metropolis just gets wrecked, and it's amazing to see what happens when Supes cuts loose against a foe of equal power level.

And that's not all the violence, not by a long shot. It's not a slasher flick, but enough happens to make you think "damn, that's a lot of bodies."

Brutal stuff that's not for the kiddies, but it's one of the best Superman films ever, and ten times the flick that that emo-fest Superman Returns was.

Book Report: Legend of the Syndicate

2008-04-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Great idea ... not so great execution.

I am fascinated by online guilds and communities and how they form and develop, for both the obvious reason and the not so obvious ones. Since this is one of the first (if not the first) books about the founding and development of an online guild, it caught my interest.

The author is a member of the guild, and it's obvious that he's got a lot of knowledge and enthusiasm for the organization. However, his viewpoint is so biased that it's hard to take the book seriously.

Because I'm sure that not everything has worked out well, that the Syndicate doesn't always win, and that everything they do is not accompanied by cherry blossoms and fairy sparkles. But if you read this, that's the impression you might get.

And in actuality, I'm sure that the trials and tribulations of an organization such as this were more interesting than:

Situation arises.
Wonderful and beneficent leader Dragons thinks it over and comes up with a plan of action.
Everything works out just as it should, and the magnificence of the guild grows.
Cookies!

Also, if you're gonna write a book, get an editor. Or at least check the damn manuscript for typos before you send it to the printers.

So I basically paid for a recruiting tool for a guild that I'm never gonna join. Or have any interest in joining, because it sounds like the Syndicate is way too regimented and hardcore for me -- they're playing games, right? It's not a job?

But I do hope the book paves the way for more investigations of online culture. It's a good field that needs more thoughtful, unbiased study.

Movie Report: Stranger Than Fiction (2006)

2008-04-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

Whoa. Trippy.

I'd been wanting to see this since I heard the premise -- Will Farrell is playing a tax auditor who's also the lead character in writer Emma Thompson's book.

Problem is, the characters in her books always die. Awfully.

Harold Crick (that's the tax guy) wakes up one day, starts his strictly regimented routine, and hears a woman's voice narrating the story. Is he crazy? Is he real?

So it's a pretty existential story from the get-go. Surprisingly, though, it's doesn't fall into in the "look at me, I'm soooo existential and deep" trap that many other movies like this do. (I Love Huckabees, I'm looking at you.)

The movie stays as sweet as one of baker Maggie Gyllenhaal's cookies, even though a lot of the questions it considers are pretty grim -- as is Harold's sad little life. And most importantly, Will Farrell didn't make me want to reach into the screen and kill him, as he has done in almost every other performance of his I've seen. He played it straight, for once, and I was grateful.

Charming comedy, and it'll actually make you think. That's a good thing.

Anime Report: Appleseed: Ex Machina (2008)

2008-04-09T17:01:00.000-07:00

J and I were lucky enough to see this on the big screen in San Francisco, which is really the way to go if you can.

If not, at least try to see it in Blu-Ray, because the visuals are nothing short of stunning. And unless you happen to be a big Appleseed fan, the visuals (and the participation of John Woo, who's influence is heavily felt in the action scenes) is really the reason you're watching.

The plot is more complex than the previous movies, and at the same time simpler. Deunan and Briareos are still partners, and still in love. But when Briareos is injured during a mission (a kick-ass action sequence set in an abandoned church) Deunan is assigned a new partner -- Tereus, a warrior bioroid who just happens to be a clone of Briareos.

Cue the drama. Briareos wonders if Deunan would prefer a flesh and blood lover, rather than someone who's mostly machine. Deunan wants her man back, and resents the presence of Tereus. And Tereus is conflicted about his feelings for Deunan -- are they real, or a result of the cloning?

In the middle of all this romance stuff is a plot about brainwashed cyborgs threatening planetary peace, a global monitoring system and a goo that takes over people's minds. But really, it's not terribly important -- it's just a reason to have all of the fights and things going boom.

And pigeons. John Woo was involved -- there must be pigeons. I lol'ed.

The CG animation is a work of art -- I'd love to see games that look this good, even though the animation had a very next-gen game feel to it.

There's everything from mid-air shootouts to sinuous silver tentacles. Even the settings are striking, with their Greco-futuristic marble, columns and sci-fi gadgets. And there's a breathtaking level of detail -- reflections, light, raindrops on Briareos' metal face and tiny facial changes. I so want my character in Champions Online to have Deunan's hair.

Worth checking out if you're an animation fan or have a new Blu-Ray player you want to put through its paces. Or if you're an Appleseed fan. But don't feel you have to have seen the previous movies -- just go with the flow, and you should be able to figure out what's going on, if you want to.

TV Report: Babylon 5: The Gathering (1993)

2008-04-08T16:38:00.000-07:00

As we all know, Babylon 5 is made of awesome and win.

So having just finished watching In the Beginning, I followed it up with the pilot movie.

Not everything in this movie is perfect. The makeup, particularly for Delenn, is kinda horrible. The Changeling Net plot is kinda weird. The special effects are kinda limited, and it's clear that they didn't really have the budget to make them better.

But the bones of a brilliant series are there. The acting, especially by Peter Jurasic and Andreas Katsulas, is top notch. You've got the Psi Corps. Vorlons. Mysteries and double-dealing.

And Kosh comes right out and *tells* you one of the major secrets of the series, and I didn't catch it until years later! That shows just how well planned and executed this series was.

So it's a solid pilot, but not awesome. Good enough to get picked up for production, though, and that's all that matters.

A must watch and re-watch for B5 fans.

Movie Report: 21 (2008)

2008-04-07T16:23:00.000-07:00

Another true story turned Hollywood.

This is the tale of a group of MIT students who made some major bank counting cards in Vegas -- something that is supposed to be completely legal, albeit damned difficult.

But of course, this is the Hollywood version, so all of the students have to be really pretty (except for Kate Bosworth, who the studios keep trying to tell me is pretty but is in fact freakishly skinny and has an odd, not-pretty face). And Kevin Spacey get to be their too-cool-for school professor/gang leader.

Since it was Spacey that got me to drop 10 bucks on this flick, it was good to see him. His part was pretty formulaic, but he pulled it off well.

And because it's a Hollywood flick, we've got to add strippers, crazy quirks, costumed blackjack players and drammah, this time in the form of Laurence Fishburne as a old-school casino security chief.

The movie had great style, and showed off the casinos and Vegas locations very well, with a lot of interesting camera work and slick dissolves. The best parts of the film were the sequences at the blackjack tables, and I wish they would have cut back a little on the "Ben needs cash for medical school" plot (apparently he's never heard of financial aid) to focus more on what was fun.

Overall, though, it was an enjoyable waste of time after dinner on a Saturday night. The best part, though, was how my sweetie summed the movie up:

"Do anything to win in Vegas and Laurence Fishburne will kick your ass."

TV Report: Babylon 5: In the Beginning (1998)

2008-04-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

I have a crazy, deep, ever-abiding love of Babylon 5 that even surpasses my crazy, deep, ever-abiding love of Firefly.

And every so often I must indulge it. Babylon 5 DVDs ... how I love you so.

In the Beginning wasn't the first movie, but rather a prequel filmed several years into the series. It tells the story of the Earth-Minbari War, a major event that hung over the heads of the characters and influenced much of the storyline, but that was never fully explained until this was released.

And while it feels a little odd as it trots out the show's stars for cameo after cameo (even when they really don't belong, like Ivanova) it is good to see what came before, and what *really* happened the first time a Earth ship contracted the Minbari.

The script and the acting, are superb, of course. This is Babylon 5 after all.

Heroism, triumph, tragedy, humor and big booms -- this is essential for any B5 fan, and shouldn't you *all* be B5 fans?

Book Report: Four and Twenty Blackbirds

2008-04-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

This book is a bit odd.

It's advertised as one in Mercedes Lackey's "Bardic Voices" series, but where are the bards? Not here! So if you're looking for Wren and company, you're going to be disappointed.

What we do have is a mystery about a series of seemingly unrelated murders that share some common characteristics. All the victims are women. All claim to be musicians of some type. All are killed with a very unusual knife. And all are done in the rain, possibly because water washes away traces of magic.

Sounds like a serial killer, right? Well the authorities don't think so -- because in each case a murderer does the deed and then promptly commits suicide.

One constable, Tal Rufen, won't let it go, and the book follows his dogged search for an all-too-obvious killer. I figured out who it was by chapter four, and Lackey comes right out and *says* who it is in chapter eight. So much for the mystery.

So we get a slog towards an inevitable ending where good triumphs over evil -- you know it's gonna happen, you just don't know how.

I finished the book, and I wasn't bored or annoyed while reading it -- I like Lackey's style. But thinking back, I'm not sure *why* I enjoyed reading this.

Like I said ... odd.

Book Report: Will the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby?

2008-04-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

A book about Buffy and Fandom? I'm there!

Because let's face it. Fans, fandom, communities -- they're pretty important to me these days. I'm still looking for that great book that explains genre fans to people who just don't get it -- I've spent hours trying to explain it to PR people.

This isn't that book. Maybe I'll have to write it someday.

What this is, however, is a series of essays about one woman's journey down the dark paths of fandom, and how her association with it gave her a life and a job. (Hmmm, that kinda sound familiar ...)

And while parts of it ring true -- I really like the discussion of "Munchhausen's by Internet" -- about the fourth or fifth time the author rhapsodizes about how totally *amazing* it is that people who have only known each other online are *meeting*! In! Real! Life! I just want to tell her to go get a life.

Because in our Web 2.0, social networking, MMO playing culture, is that *really* such an odd concept anymore? It's not for me.

And I really didn't like how she cut down academics who study topics such as Buffy. OK, fine -- the author isn't interested. All she is interested in is fandom, because it is sooo amazing that these people meet In! Real! Life!

But that doesn't mean that its not a valid field of study. Get over yourself, fangirl.

Still, the inside peek into the world of writer stalking and cat sitting was fun, and there was one great concept that she stumbled onto almost by accident that really hit home with me.

The people who get wrapped up in a show or a game or whatever to the point that they want a personal connection with the authors, actors or devs just want to be noticed. They want someone they see as "special" to say "you're special too."

It's a simple concept of community, and it's so easy to do. The sad thing is, some of the "special" people have bought their own hype, and forgotten how to be nice.

So I do it for them.

Book Report: Success in the Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense

2008-04-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

So you every have someone who you work with and have to deal with on a daily basis who excels at being a jerk?

Of course you do. There are people like that everywhere.

I do too, so Sweetie suggested I read this. It's not perfect, and a lot of the examples are ... dated, but it's a good look at the "game" of language that you might not even realize is being played around you. And there are some good techniques designed to stop jerkitude in its tracks, professionally and without being a jerk in return.

Worth checking out if you don't want to be a verbal victim.

Movie Report: Drillbit Taylor (2008)

2008-03-31T16:14:00.000-07:00

John Hughes (yeah, *that* John Hughes) was one of the writers of this film, using a pseudonym. Of course I was going to go see it!

And yes, it was cute, in a Hughesian sort of way.

This story has been done before -- nerdy kids hire a bodyguard to protect them from school bullies. But with the genuine comic talent of Owen Wilson and some not-so-annoying kid actors, this works.

There's some good bits from the kids (the shirts, hitting each other, the rap scene) but for the most part Wilson carries this movie as he bullshits his way through something his character has no business doing, and finds that he actually likes doing it. Wilson holding the flaming diorama up to the sprinklers was a great image.

There's a marvelous cameo by Adam Baldwin, and I was psyched to see Lisa Lampanelli, and then disappointed when she only had two, short scenes.

Nice to see the Judd Apatow crew tackle a PG-13 flick -- but I'll admit that their raunchier stuff is funnier.

This movie's got heart, but it's not going to change the world.

Movie Report: An American in Paris (1951)

2008-03-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

Ah, the age of Hollywood musicals. Big, bright and beautiful.

Gene Kelly plays an American GI in post-war Paris, trying to make it as a painter. He's torn between the rich American woman who wants to "sponsor" him, and the adorable French girl (Leslie Caron) that he loves. And then ... ah, forget it. The plot's silly, and it doesn't matter anyway. All this movie was created for was an opportunity to have pretty, talented people sing and dance to Gershwin songs.

So there is much singing. And much dancing. The sets are gorgeous, as are the costumes. (Interesting fact, this was filmed on MGM's back lot, not on location in Paris. Hard to tell.)

But the showpiece of the film, an extended ballet sequence set to Gershwin's tone poem An American in Paris, is just tossed in at the end with no lead-up or explanation at all. It's sorta like ... "Damn -- what do we do now? Hell with it -- just let Gene dance for twenty minutes."

And after that, the movie's just *over*. It's jarring and odd, and it takes away from how lovely the work was up until that point.

Movie Report: A Tale of Two Cities (1935)

2008-03-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

Charles Dickens' novels are just too big for your standard movie. There are too many characters, there is too much going on, there are too many paths of interconnectivity and coincidence to tread ...

So most moviemakers tackling Dickens do what David O. Selznick did -- cut that puppy until it fits in a nice, neat movie-style package.

Now we get the story of two French families in pre-revolutionary France and England. Lucy Mannette was raised in England after her father was imprisoned in France. She meets and marries Charles Darnay, who is really the nephew of a French aristocrat.

Darnay gets captured and put on trial for spying, but is rescued by the brilliant, drunken lawyer Sidney Carton, who's madly in love with Lucy and the best damn character in the movie and the book.

Years later the revolution is in full swing and its a very dangerous place to be for anyone with any ties to the aristocracy. Of course, this is the *perfect* time for Darnay to head back to his old stomping grounds, dragging the entire cast of the film with him. Seriously -- you know its dangerous. You know they'll try their damnest to kill you and everyone associated with you? Why bring the kids and a cast of thousands along??

Ronald Coleman is absolutely wonderful as Carton, who sacrifices himself to save this bunch of doofuses because he loves them, even if they are stupid. Character actress Edna May Oliver brings strength and sass to a thankless role as Lucy's governess. And my eye kept drifting to Madame Defarges' funky knitting.

One of the better film adaptations of Dickens work, but read the novel anyway.

Movie Report: American Psycho (2000)

2008-03-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

Huey Lewis and News have never been so disturbing.

Patrick Bateman has it all -- a beautiful fiancee (and a beautiful mistress), a perfect apartment, a perfect job and perfect business cards. But he's also a heartless, emotionless void -- a serial killer who slaughters in a futile attempt to satisfy his lust for blood. He's a monster in a Brooks Brothers suit. He's barely human.

American Psycho was a violent, disturbing novel, and this is a violent, disturbing movie. But it also plays up the satire -- when Patrick is chopping up a business associate with a gleaming chromed ax to the sounds of 80s pop, you can't help but ... be amused. Is murder supposed to be funny? This movie says it can be.

Christian Bale takes on a difficult subject -- a completely remorseless killer, someone who the audience can't and won't identify with -- and does a fabulous job. We get to look into a fragile and insecure mind.

This movie pulls no punches, but don't be afraid to laugh when something's funny. Look what emotional repression did to Patrick.

I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Movie Report: The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)

2008-03-25T17:20:00.000-07:00

Of course I had to see this. Elizabethan drama? Helloooo!

Kinda weird, though -- seeing this right as the second season of The Tutors starts on Showtime. So I kept mentally comparing them, even though I didn't want to.

When about 15 years are squished into two hours, of course there are going to be historical problems. Add to that that Hollywood doesn't give a damn about accuracy, and anyone going to this to see the "real story" of Anne, Mary and Henry will be disappointed.

But that's not what they were trying to make. They were trying to make an engaging bodice-ripper of a movie. Did they succeed?

I don't know. The characters were all gorgeous, of course -- but too stereotypical. Mary was *too* perfect. Anne was *too* scheming and devilish. Henry was *too* obsessed with his penis. And Anne and Mary's brother -- geeze, what was up with that?

And the rape scene? Yes, Henry was obsessed with getting a male heir ... and his penis. But for all we know, he did love Anne. If he didn't, if she was just another conquest, why in the world go to such lengths to have her? To marry her? Bed her and move on!

Crazy over-the-top acting and writing. Beautiful costumes and scenery. I'll probably watch it again on cable (because yes, I am obsessed with Elizabethan movies) but it's not a classic. It's not even a DVD must-buy.

Movie Report: Run, Fatboy Run (2008)

2008-03-24T14:59:00.000-07:00

I like Simon Pegg's movies.

This time he and his cohorts take on the romantic comedy. Pegg plays a loser security guard who leaves his impossibly hot, charming, loving and very pregnant girlfriend at the altar.

Fast forward a few years, and he's got a cute son he obviously adores, a mad crush on the now ex-girlfriend, and still doesn't have a life. When ex-girl gets a rich, handsome, seemingly perfect American suitor, loser's gotta step up and prove himself.

It's a vanilla story, but it works well. The cast is funny and the script is packed with lots of good bits. The kid is cute without being annoying. Hank Azaria *is* annoying as the American, Whit, but I think he was supposed to be.

Pegg does these nerd turned hero movies well. And it plays into a little wish-fulfillment for a lot of his fans. Seriously, if I could take on zombies with a cricket bat once, I'd so do it.

Not as slapsticky as Shawn of the Dead or Hot Fuzz, but well worth the evening price I paid to go.

Classic British comedy.

Anime Report: Silent Mobius 1

2008-03-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

So anime fans -- you ever have that experience where you know *nothing* about a show, but you keep seeing it on the DVD racks and it looks kinda interesting? And one day it's on sale?

That is how I now own Silent Mobius.

And it's cool in a 1990s, Bubblegum Crisis, Sol Bianca kind of way. Basically you've got a group of female officers, all with troubled pasts that are good for extended flashback sequences, fighting a secret war against Threat to the Planet No. 67.

This time we're in a post-apocalyptic Tokyo, where giant magic monsters from another dimension like to pop out of shadows and eat people. Fighting these "Lucifer Hawks" are the Attack Mystification Police, lead by Katsumi Liqueur (nope, I'm not making that name up), a shy secretary turned ass-kicking mage. She's also the daughter of the mage who let all these nasty critters into Tokyo in the first place.

Good and gothic, with great environmental designs. The characters are appealing, but could be interchanged with characters from any number of animes from this era. Still, it seems like they're laying the groundwork for a decent story here.

Worth a watch, but I wouldn't pay full price.

Movie Report: Bedlam (1946)

2008-03-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

Val Lewton gets the rare chance to work on a period piece. He still has a budget of about 12 bucks.

A spirited "wit" in the 1800s meets a Quaker who reforms her thinking and crosses her rich, stupid nobleman benefactor. Her efforts to improve the lives of the inmates of an insane asylum get her tossed in there herself.

This film survives for two reasons -- Lewton is a genius, and the head of the asylum is Boris Karloff, in a role that's not quite horror but perfectly suited to his talents. He's menacing, brutish and thoroughly wicked. I enjoyed disliking his character, and that's a sign of a good villain.

Watch this on a cold, rainy afternoon or gloomy night to set the mood.

Movie Report: Wild Hogs (2007)

2008-03-19T16:01:00.000-07:00

Sweetie had wanted to see this in the theaters last year, but we didn't, so we caught it on cable.

No great loss -- saved 14 bucks.

If you know your mediocre genre comedy at all, you could map this one out without ever seeing a frame of film. Middle-aged buddies dealing with life's hassles try to get their groove back. Add a sorta-bad gang headed up by Ray Liotta, a gay cop, and a love interest for the shy divorced guy, and you've got yourselves a movie!

I'll bet that this flick was pitched as "City Slickers on motorcycles." They probably spent more time negotiating the product placement deals than writing the script.

But you do have solid chemistry among the cast, and a well-chosen soundtrack. The bull slapping scene is hysterical, and William H. Macy easily steals the show from his co-stars. The rampant homophobia was cringe-worthy, but honestly -- in a film like this, do you expect anything else. Sad, but true.

Nothing new, but it's better than a documentary on shoes.

Movie Report: The Leopard Man (1943)

2008-03-18T14:41:00.000-07:00

A moody, atmospheric piece, The Leopard Man, like so many of Val Lewton's movies, depends on what it doesn't show more than what it does.

After a nightclub performer's leopard gets loose, three tragic murders occur. Is it the cat, or something more sinister?

This isn't as brilliant as Cat People, but its dripping with atmosphere. The New Mexico landscapes are exotic (for the 1940s, anyway) and desolate, the shadows are deep, and the sense of nighttime isolation adds to the suspense. A tacked on whodunit detracts from the drama, but I guess the screenwriters thought they needed something for the pretty white people (the nightclub dancer and her boyfriend) to do.

Val Lewton's B-movies are one of the foundations of modern horror and suspense. Watch them and learn.

Movie Report: The Bank Job (2008)

2008-03-17T14:19:00.000-07:00

Jason Statham has almost become a guilty pleasure.

Some of his movies are good, some are horrendous. Luckily, The Bank Job is one of the good ones.

Statham is playing one of his patented small-time hustlers, this time a family man with a wife and daughters, a failing business and a penchant for criminal activity. When a babelicious woman from his past brings him and his loser buddies a chance to loot a bank vault and get away with millions in untraceable cash and gems, they're not quite smart enough to see it's a set up.

Set in swinging London of the 1970s, what starts as a slow (almost too slow) character piece ramps up into a funny, action packed heist caper/conspiracy drama. There's spies and black radicals and gangsters and a madam, and somehow they're all after what this bunch of saps has. Who would have thought that naughty pictures of a princess would be so valuable?

Starts slow, ends a little too neatly, but the middle is top-notch. And truth is always stranger than fiction.

Book Report: Reading Like a Writer

2008-03-14T14:08:00.000-07:00

I'm terribly amused by an author and writing instructor whose last name is "Prose." Giggle with me.

OK, now that we've had our moment, this book is a good reminder to slow down when reading and really savor what a good author can do. Learn from it. Understand why they pick the words they pick, and why a sentence is constructed in just that way.

Prose says that through close reading, the reader can not only understand what an author is saying, but what he or she is implying. She uses lots of examples from literature to back up her thesis, but then again, if I chose my literature examples carefully enough, I could use them to prove a thesis that says yellow bunnies are the secret rulers of the Earth.

It proves a point, but it doesn't make that point a rule. It's obvious that Prose is absolutely passionate about literature, though, and that passion carries the theory a long way.

So I would say that this book is not necessarily a handbook, but rather a love letter to the mysterious alchemy that is a wonderful book. Take time to enjoy it.

Movie Report: The Seventh Victim (1943)

2008-03-13T16:36:00.000-07:00

Val Lewton rocks.

He took tiny budgets and ridiculous time lines and made sleek, stylish thrillers. Sometimes the plots are a bit odd, but they're tons better than all of the B-movie drek being produced today.

The Seventh Victim has Kim Hunter as a young girl searching for her missing sister in New York. She then winds her way through a truly trippy experience, meeting wayward poets and learning that her sister has left her lawyer fiance, sold her business, likes to play at committing suicide and is mixed up in a satanic cult.

Pacifist satanists. Let that one sink in for a minute.

What's great about this movie, like many of Lewton's films, is the imagery. Dark streets, shadows and fog, a room empty except for a chair and a noose -- this is great stuff. The scene where Jacqueline is being stalked by the man with the switchblade is genuinely frightening.

Oozing with atmosphere.

Movie Report: Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

2008-03-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

Everything about this movie is so beautiful, you want to savor it, and drink it in like fine wine.

There are scenes where the color bleeds off the scene, and ones that looks like portraits. Kimonos have never looked so glorious. And the dance scene is sad, wild and captivating.

That being said, it's almost too pretty, because you never forget that its a movie. I didn't fall into it the way I can with a really exceptional film. And the actresses, while all very strong, were not Japanese and they were missing a certain ... delicacy, maybe?

I like the movie because it is so beautiful, and because it gives a glimpse into the world of the geisha. But an immensely satisfying novel got cut into a good-and-evil battle wrapped in silk, and that was disappointing. I bought the DVD (used) not because I love the story, but rather because once in a while I want to see something lovely. And because I'm a sucker for DVD extras.

Beautiful, but not breathtaking.

Movie Report: Curse of the Cat People (1944)

2008-03-11T16:01:00.000-07:00

Because I'm so fond of Cat People, once I heard there was a sequel I had to see it.

Well, it's sort of a sequel. Kinda. Maybe. Not really.

But that doesn't mean it's a bad movie. It's just not a sequel to my beloved Cat People.

What this movie is, though, is something extremely rare: A movie that lets you see through a child's eyes, rather than showing an adult view of what he or she *thinks* a child sees.

The All-American sap of the first movie has remarried and had a daughter. Now he's an All-American doof of a dad, berating her for not being popular and "normal," like the other kids and punishing her for preferring her solitary, fantasy life in the backyard.

So Amy is isolated and lonely, and when a beautiful lady befriends her she's overjoyed at having found a connection. Of course, the fact that said beautiful lady is the now-deceased Irena kind of freaks dear old dad out.

Magical and dreamy, this is more fairy tale than horror flick. Watch it on a cold night or rainy afternoon and revel in half-remembered feelings of childhood.

Movie Report: 10,000 B.C. (2008)

2008-03-10T16:24:00.000-07:00

I so wanted to like this movie. I really did.

I guess I'll have to learn to live with disappointment. Because what was a really cool idea ended up as kind of a hot mess.

So to save you $10, I'll tell you what happens.

We start with a noble, multiracial (not sure about that one) hunter-gatherer tribe -- if by hunter-gatherer you mean stay in one place all year waiting for the wooly mammoths to wander by, so you can kill one and eat mammoth meat until the next one shows up.

The tribe's led by an old Eskimo woman predicting doom and gloom, and our hero's dad takes off for slightly less doom. The hero grows up, falls in love with the hottest chick in the tribe and hunts mammoths, if by hunts you mean manages by some miracle not to get trampled and stabs it on accident.

This blissful (?) existence is shattered when Arab horsemen come looking for slaves. They snatch up a bunch of people, including the hot chick, and take off. Of course the hero has to search for the hot chick, so he, an old hunter and a kid sidekick take off.

They cross the Alps, and find themselves in a tropical jungle, where they are attacked by giant chickens. Don't ask me to explain this -- I can't.

They go from jungle to desert and run into some African tribesmen, who have been attacked by the Arabs too. The tribesmen knew Hero's dad, who taught them Europe's only language.

There's a bunch of stuff with a sabertooth tiger, who apparently has no taste for Heroes and is almost as loyal as a Disney character.

The tribesmen and Hero and his guys decide to team up and fight the Arabs. There is one really cool image of the Arab's beautiful ships, which was almost worth the price of the matinee.

Then instead of following the river, which might have food and water, the band decides to strike out across an enormous desert. They wander around until they get the idea to follow the north star, which leads to slavers' camps as well as Santa's workshop.

So they follow the star to ... a pyramid? With lots of slaves and some desert-dwelling wooly mammoths working to build things for some Egyptian/Atlantean/Alien guy with long pointy fingernails.

Hero guy steals a scene from Braveheart, and the slaves rebel. Big fight, then he steals a scene from 300 and throws a spear at Egyptian/Atlantean/Alien guy.

Alien guy and some albinos run for their ship, which is inside a pyramid and no where near water. Slaves kill them a lot, but hot chick dies.

Far, far away, old Eskimo woman dies, and that brings hot chick back to life.

The tribesmen give the hunter-gatherers seeds to crops that somehow grew in a desert. The hunter-gatherers walk home (shoulda save one of those ships) and plant the seeds at the base of a glacier. Where they grow.

I don't think I'm going to buy the DVD.

Movie Report: Topper (1937)

2008-03-07T14:02:00.000-08:00

A zany, glittering comedy, Topper is supernatural without a hint of suspense or horror.

When the hard-drinking, fast-living, glamorous Kirbys (Constance Bennett and Cary Grant) crash their fancy car and kill themselves, there's not a hint of blood or distress. But because they have never done a good deed -- or any really bad ones, they're stuck on Earth until they do.

So they get the idea of livening up the life of their staid banker friend Cosmo Topper. Cosmo is a quiet, hen-pecked man living a quiet, respectful life. In a few days, he's visiting speakeasies, downing Pink Ladies, getting into fights and getting arrested. And he's having the time of his life.

Bennett and Grant provide the glamour and loads of charm. Roland Young, as Topper, steals the movie with some wonderful physical comedy as he's being dragged around and manipulated by the invisible ghosts. Billie Burke is great as Topper's controlling, yet loving and confused wife. And wonderful special effects (for the time) mean that the story doesn't have to suffer for the visuals.

Add a fabulous big-band soundtrack (with an appearance by Hoagy Carmichael) and Topper is non-stop fun.

One of the best of the 1930s comedies, and an absolute must-see.

Movie Report: Love Affair (1939)

2008-03-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

One of the all-time classic movie romances, Love Affair has inspired a slew of other films. So the film student in me had to watch the original.

It's got some good points -- the acting is superb. The characters are very believable and seem "real," at least through the first half of the movie. There's no clear "bad guy" -- even the guy Irene Dunne is trying to leave isn't a jerk.

So here the premise: French playboy and ex-lounge singer, both on their way to get married, meet on a cruise ship and fall in love. A port sequence where the playboy takes his new sweetie up into a enchanted cottage to meet his charming (fairy) grandmother (Maria Ouspenskaya, in the movie's strongest performance) is the best thing about the movie. She's serene, sad and otherworldly -- it's worth watching for these scenes alone.

So the lovers return to New York, and vow to meet again in six months -- when they've proven that they can be together as equals. Dunne dumps her rich boyfriend, moves away and starts supporting herself again. The playboy (Charles Boyer) breaks up with his meal-ticket fiancee and gets a job. All is going well until ...

Irene Dunne, and the whole damn movie, get hit by a car.

OK, so she's paralyzed. I get that. She's emo. I get that too. But she'd rather have the man she loves forever think that she stood him up practically at the altar as opposed to saying "sorry I couldn't make it honey -- I GOT HIT BY A CAR!"

I think he'd probably give her a pass for tardiness. SHE GOT HIT BY A CAR.

So we get a long, ridiculous sequence of Dunne being emo and in a wheelchair, and Boyer being emo and dumped. Add in some 1930s too-good-to-be-true Hollywood orphans and this movie has moved 90 degrees away from good.

It's supposed to be a fairy tale, but it all could have been cleared up with a phone call. Why, in movies and in real life, are people who are supposed to be in love so adamantly opposed to speaking to one another?

Starts strong, ends silly. Oh, and Turner Classic Movies' print of this is lousy. I wonder if there's a remastered version out there without all the scratches, skips and sound problems.

Movie Report: The Lake House (2006)

2008-03-05T15:27:00.000-08:00

Normally, I have a rule that prohibits me from watching Sandra Bullock movies. Because 90 percent of them are *terrible.*

But something about The Lake House intrigued me, so I ignored the fact that it starred Sandra Bullock and the amazingly wooden Keanu Reeves and gave it two hours on a lazy Saturday evening.

From what I understand, no one gets this movie. And I don't get that, because it's not that hard. Let me explain:

1. Sandra is in 2006.
2. Keanu is in 2004.
3. Their time periods are not mutually exclusive.

Got it? Sandra can tell Keanu where she was in 2004, and Keanu can cross her path, but the 2004 version of Sandra will have no clue who Keanu is. Makes sense, right? So the trick is that the 2006 version of Sandra has to figure out where the 2006 version of Keanu is so that they can meet in Keanu's future (Sandra's present).

See? Not that hard!

Anyway, what you get is a sweet, slow romantic fantasy. There are some lapses in logic and a few plot holes you could drive a truck through, but I think you were supposed to ignore all that. I did, chalking it up to the troubles with time travel, which very few writers do well.

And if you turn off your brain, Lake House is okey-dokey. Not stellar, not even really good, but not nearly as sucky as something like Hope Floats.

I won't buy the DVD, but I won't poke out my own eyes to keep from watching it again, either.

Movie Report: Three Days of the Condor (1975)

2008-03-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

Robert Redford stars in this stellar suspense flick as a bookish, New York researcher who's got one of the coolest jobs I've ever heard of -- he reads novels and other published material and searches them for references to the CIA.

He's come up with a scenario of an "agency inside the agency." His boss doesn't buy it, but he dutifully sends it to Washington for review. The problem? It's true.

So in a brutal hit, everyone at the research office is eliminated. Redford survives by a fluke -- he's out picking up lunch at the time. Now he's on the run, and he's not even sure why all these people are trying to kill him.

The tension never lets up, and Redford's character must survive assassination attempt after assassination attempt, all the while realizing that there's no one, not even his friends, that he can trust. Forced to turn to a stranger for help, he kidnaps a girl out of a shop (Faye Dunaway, who's less annoying than normal). But she doesn't believe him either.

A cat-and-mouse game where the mouse is very small but very smart and all the cat have great big guns -- Condor has a twisty plot reminiscent of Hitchcock, a great Cold War vibe and is the granddaddy of dozens of conspiracy flicks.

You might have to hunt for it, but it would be a good add to your Netflix list.

Movie Report: In Bruges (2008)

2008-03-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

Nice to see Colin Farrell doing something besides drink heavily and be naughty.

Now he's in a movie ... drinking heavily and being naughty.

Farrell plays Ray, a hitman hiding out in Belgium after a job goes bad. He's a miserable bastard who's miserable in Bruges, a fairytale medieval town full of castles and canals. His partner, Ken, convinces him to give it a chance (and that they've got a job there), but what you get is Ray shooting off his mouth (and other things) and making everything from a chance encounter in front of a cathedral to a date go horribly, horribly wrong.

But it's not just comedy. The interjection of Ray and Ken's boss Harry makes the film take a serious, yet profanity filled turn. And Farrell gets to stretch his acting legs as a man who's not only a miserable prat, but miserable over the wrongs he's done.

Every time you think you've got a handle on this movie, it throws a curve ball. First it's a talky character piece, then a comedy, then a rumination on life and death, then a shoot-'em-up action flick. It never loses its charm. The end is a bit grim, but when it's tied into the whole of the picture, you understand how you got there, and why it had to end that way.

Well worth a watch.

Comic Report: Uncanny X-Men 1980 (Issues 129-140)

2008-02-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

I have three words for you ...

DARK PHOENIX SAGA

Because 1980 was *the* year for the X-Men. The Hellfire Club. The White Queen. The Black Queen. DARK PHOENIX. The battle on the moon with the Shi'ar. The tears. The renewal, in the form of Kitty Pryde. Alpha Flight. The Wendigo. The introduction of Dazzler, for gawds sake.

There is not an issue put out in 1980 that wasn't simply fantastic.

I don't even know what to say. If you're a comic fan, you've read these issues. If you're not, go out and read them, and then you will be a comic fan.

Jean sacrfices herself to remain human. To be the woman that she was. Because she can't be the Phoenix anymore, she can't control that power. And because the only thing she can do to atone for the millions of lives lost is to offer up her own.

No matter how many times they ressurrect her, no matter how much Marvel screws with the continuity, she is Jean. She is eternal. And this is her story.

Movie Report: The Warriors (1979)

2008-02-28T17:06:00.000-08:00

Warriors! Come out and plaaaayyyy!

A Greek myth colored with neon and spray paint, The Warriors is the story of a group of Coney Island gangers far from their turf and accused of a murder they didn't commit.

Now they've got to get home. That's it -- that's the entire plot. It's minimalistic and simply fabulous.

This is a hostile, alien, nocturnal world, with empty streets, yawning subway tunnels and ever present tension. There's a lot of people who want to kill these guys, and the futuristic, over-the-top gangs in baseball uniforms, sequins and dirty t-shirts are frightening in their grace and fury.

Especially their grace. It's obvious that a lot of the people hired for this film were dancers, and it shows in the brutal ballets of the fight scenes.

Maybe it looks a bit dated today, but I wouldn't change a thing. The camera work, the music, the air of desperation ... anyone who tries to remake this perfection with stupid script and a cast of pretty boys and singers should be punched in the face.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

Comic Report: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier

2008-02-27T16:37:00.000-08:00

Mired in copyright lawsuits and corporate wrangling for gods knows how long, the third volume of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was finally released as a standalone graphic novel.

The plot, if you can call it that, is simple. Mina Harker (now a leggy blonde) and Alan Quartermain (who's grown young again and posing as his own son) sneak back into an Orwellian 1940s England. The oppressive government has a book about the League's adventures that Mina and Alan want to read, even though they star in most of them. The government wants to stop them.

So you get a dizzying array of letters, plays, documents, magazine articles, stories and even government-produced porn, all telling a bit of what happened between the end of the second volume and now. In between are sandwiched bits of chase scenes and a more traditional story, but the government opposition isn't that great and the end, where Mina and Alan get away, is never really in doubt.

And everything is a literary Where's Waldo, with literally dozens of characters from the past 200 years making guest appearances. If you're not familiar with the past 100 or so years of literature, most of this is going to go right over your head. I'm positive I didn't catch them all.

I could *not* get through the Beat pastiche in one sitting. Ouch.

Also ouch was the headache-inducing 3D sequence at the end. Nifty idea, but I needed two Advil afterwards.

And really, this doesn't do much to advance the League's story. It's a fun read, and a masterwork of breaking the rules of a graphic novel, but is it something I would say you *have* to read? No.

In fact, I can sort of see the point of all the rumors saying Alan Moore made this to finish up his contract with DC, so he could take the future adventures of the League elsewhere.

A beautiful work of modern art, but not the best comic I've read lately.

Movie Report: The Terminator (1984)

2008-02-26T16:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure you could have lived in the U.S. in the last 20 years and *not* seen The Terminator.

But it had been a long time since I'd watched it, and with the Sarah Connor Chronicles on TV I was interested in checking out the original again.

It's a great, simple concept. In the future, machines take over and rule humanity. One man leads humanity to fight back. So the machines build a time machine and travel back to kill the man's mother before he's born, ending the resistance before it begins.

Of course, there's gotta be complications. The resistance sends back a fighter to protect mom. And if this hadn't happened, would the child have been born, would he have been raised in a way that made him the man he was in the future?

Time travel paradoxes ... you've got to love them.

So you've got a good vs. evil conflict without a lot of gray (The Terminator is eeevil unstoppable) and a stellar script that elevates the film to classic status.

And what can you say? It's the ultimate Arnold Schwarenegger role. That's why they call him the governator.

Wonderful tension in the action scenes, wonderful lighting (much of the movie is in darkness or the soft light of dawn) and a great electronic score add to the perfection. Yes, some of the special effects are hokey by today's standards, but that's to be expected. And given the strength of the rest of the movie, easily forgiven.

Bonus: Look for Bill Paxton and the Alien Bounty Hunter from X-Files as the punks Arnie steals clothes from.

Movie Report: Rollerball (1975)

2008-02-25T16:06:00.000-08:00

I can't help but be fond of the 1970s version of the "future."

It's such a great, mod look, with lots of glass and white furniture and women willing to sleep with anyone. Seriously, it is *so* easy to get laid in movies like Logan's Run or Rollerball.

So in this version of the year 2018, there's no war and no crime, but everybody is obsessed with a violent, bloody game called Rollerball. So the people get their bread and circuses, and the corporations rule the world.

In this is James Caan, playing a guy who's the best Rollerball player ever. He's too good, in fact -- people are forgetting that this is a team sport. So the corporation he works for orders him to retire ... or else.

So you get some nifty cool action sequences, some cool sets and someone blows up a couple trees for a random reason, but really, this movie is about the interplay between Caan and John Houseman as the uber evil corporate executive. Theirs is the real deathmatch, and it's masterfully done.

Skip the ridiculous remake, and check out the original for some classic Orwellian sci-fi.

Sex, sports and social commentary.

Movie Report: Tell Your Children (Reefer Madness) (1936)

2008-02-22T13:13:00.000-08:00

If you haven't seen this "cautionary tale" about the dangers of marijuana, you're missing out. It's hysterical!

A kooky riff on the horrible things that happen to teens who fall into jazz, sex, liquor and drugs, Reefer Madness is outrageously, crazily, over-the-top, with dire warnings of destruction, visions of doom, overly righteous narration and all.

Basically, a group of clean-cut "teens" (who all look to be in their 30s) get a whiff of marijuana. And in minutes, they're all homicidal, perverted, rapist, dope-head fiends! It's a laugh riot!

The Gone with the Wind of 1930s exploitation flicks.

Movie Report: Walk the Line (2005)

2008-02-21T12:57:00.000-08:00

For a while, everyone who was anyone in Hollywood was playing a 1960s musician. But some pretty good movies came out of this fad, so I'll give it a pass.

But what I like about Walk the Line isn't the Johnny Cash story. Have a tragic childhood, get married too young, get famous, get drunk, yadda, yadda. It's a good tale, but we've seen it so many times by now that it's become cliche.

But the romance between him and June ... Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon were absolutely fabulous. It's sweet and sincere without being sentimental. They have such chemistry.

The music, of course, is great, and Phoenix and Witherspoon actually did their own singing. So while it might be labeled as just another music biopic, what we really got was an old-school Hollywood musical.

I keep watching this when I see it on cable. Maybe I'll have to break down and buy the DVD.

Movie Report: Wheels on Meals (1984)

2008-02-20T01:49:00.000-08:00

Another Jackie Chan feature, courtesy of Dish Network HD.

OK, this one is just weird. I don't know why it's set in Spain. I don't know why the first scene had Jackie and friends skateboarding while wearing atrocious 1980s pastels, and then the *next* scene had them waking up and starting their day.

Is the skateboarding a dream sequence? Or just bad editing?

The plot involves something about a hottie pickpocket who's really a missing heiress, and Sammo Hung in a stupid bowler hat playing a would-be private dick. And normally, you can just ignore the plot in a Kung Fu flick. Unfortunately, in this one the plot is *so* bad, and *so* ridiculous that it overwhelms everything else.

There's a ridiculous van-car chase, *more* skateboarding, a Chinese pop song, and finally, 10 minutes before the end, one good fight scene.

Save yourself -- this one's just not worth watching.

Movie Report: Wuthering Heights (1939)

2008-02-19T13:25:00.000-08:00

I read the novel Wuthering Heights over and over again in high school. It was one of my absolute favorites. Odd that it took me so long to watch the movie.

Now, this is pretty Hollywoodized. The movie only covers the first 19 or so chapters of the book, a ton of characters get dropped, and instead of being set in the late 1700s, the costumes are an odd mish-mash of Victorian and American Civil War that may have been left over from some other MGM costume pic.

But the bones of a great story are still there. Laurence Olivier makes a wonderful Heathcliff -- dark, brooding and bitter. Merle Oberon is exotic and luminous as Catherine. Don't make the mistake of loving these characters, though -- they're two of a kind. Vain, selfish, greedy and wicked, they destroy the lives of everyone around them. Their love couldn't result in anything *but* tragedy.

If you cut the horrible, hokey ending scene, this is a complex, disturbing love story.

Movie Report: There Will Be Blood (2007)

2008-02-18T12:57:00.000-08:00

Wow.

It's not often these days that I see a movie and think "Twenty years from now, thirty years, people will still be watching this movie and learning things from it."

Daniel Day-Lewis is simply fabulous. Not just because he gives a great performance, which he does, but because his portrayal is awe-inspiring, mesmerizing and mortifying.

The movie has a slow, deliberate pace, but it doesn't dawdle. The pacing gives weight to an already powerful script, giving the story and performances time and space to develop.

Of course, no one in the movie really stands up to Daniel Day-Lewis, and I don't think anyone really could. But Paul Dano is downright creepy as a evangelical kid preacher, and he proves a quiet foil for Lewis' more theatrical performance.

Beautifully shot and directed, everything about this movie is epic. Old-school Hollywood epic.

Exhausting, powerful and compelling.

Movie Report: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

2008-02-15T14:33:00.000-08:00

Normally, I'm not a big fan of the modern-day adaptations of Shakespeare. Somehow, I just don't find Romeo and Juliet more meaningful when it's set in a trailer park.

But this adaptation of Taming of the Shrew is pretty cute. It's got a humorous script and a strong cast (for a teen flick). And the Shakespeare references are more tongue-in-cheek than slap-you-upside-the head.

I would have loved to have been as cool in high school as Julia Stiles is in this movie. And she's playing Kat, who's supposed to be the freakish, uptight bitch! Her sister, who's supposed to be the pretty, popular one, is annoying vapid and shallow -- I found myself just wishing she'd get the hell off the screen.

But really, the biggest reason to watch this movie is Heath Ledger. This is one of his early American roles, and he's just electric. He gives a stupid teen movie heart, soul and tons of sex appeal. Him singing "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" is a highlight of the entire teen movie genre.

Damn it's depressing that we're not going to see an actor this talented in any more movies.

Book Report: Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation

2008-02-14T12:45:00.000-08:00

There are few things that prove my geekiness more than this. I read a book about grammar. Not only did I read it, I'm blogging about it.

From what I've seen, people either really liked this book, or they really hated it. But most of them are missing the point.

I saw the book as a clever and humorous attempt to point out how the myriad of horrendous grammatical errors one sees every single day impair meaning and understanding. If you look at it as a grammar guide, it's only so-so. The author sticks to the British rules, and even then she gleefully breaks them when she chooses.

So the sticklers hate this book.

But then again, if you listen to grammar nerds, they never agree. I've seen copy editors almost come to blows over the placement of a semi-colon. Because here's the thing -- almost everyone learned grammar a little differently. If you get four or five grammar books, you'll get four or five slightly different instructions on what to do. Ultimately, the sticklers will never agree, because they can't.

Punctuation exists to help make the writer's intent clear. Most of the time, we follow standard rules to make it so. It's still means "it is." But the tricky little points?

The English language is a live thing. It changes and flows as time does. The rules today might not be the same as the rules in ten years.

I'm a grammar nerd, but even I know when to say when.

Movie Report: Dragons Forever (1988)

2008-02-13T11:59:00.000-08:00

So one of the channels we have on the HD is an all kick-flick channel. And occasionally it is even worth watching.

And then there's times when I'm really bored and Jackie Chan is on.

This one is kinda weird because Jackie's character is kinda shady. He plays a hot-shot lawyer who's hired to cover up a chemical plant possibly polluting a nearby water source.

But who cares about the plot -- it's obvious that the filmmakers didn't. What's notable about Dragons Forever is that we get to see three great Hong-Kong fighters in the same movie -- Chan, Sammo Hung and Yuen Baio. And this movie is basically a showcase for their talents. They battle each other throughout the movie, and the finale, which involves a lot of improvisation and acrobatic stunts, is worth sitting through the mess of a story.

I wouldn't make an extreme effort to find this rare movie, unless you're a real kick-flick fan. And if you're that big of a fan, you might have already seen it.

Movie Report: The Holiday (2006)

2008-02-12T17:06:00.000-08:00

Ah, the romantic comedy. You all know what it means, and what to expect when you see one. If you don't like that, don't watch this one.

Two women on the verge of various emotional breakdowns (Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz) swap houses for the holidays. Of course, in new surroundings (an amazingly typical English cottage complete with sheep and a too-chic L.A. mansion) they both work out their problems, find new perspectives on their lives and find "unexpected" love. All before the end credits.

Formulaic as it is -- wonderful women with scoundrel fellas get the Cute, Nice Guys They Deserve with a side dish of cute kids, charming elderly people, puppy dogs and snowflakes -- I watched this movie for Winslet. A fabulous actress who can play this kind of role in her sleep, she adds some unexpected nuances to the typical "pathetic girl" part.

And Jack Black was a nice surprise. I know he can act, but it's far too rare that he breaks out of his funny faces and rock and role mode.

With more Christmas songs than you can shake a candy cane at, The Holiday is a warm, snuggly romance to lose yourself in for a couple of hours. Shallow, sweet and seasonal.

Movie Report: Fool's Gold (2008)

2008-02-11T16:44:00.000-08:00

So I wasn't expecting much.

Fool's Gold is a mid-winter filler, not an Oscar winner. But we weren't in the mood for something heavy so this seemed like the best choice.

It's cute. It's silly. It's a reasonably decent date movie. The scenery is gorgeous, and I liked the treasure story. But I like treasure stories. Seeing Donald Sutherland was a bit of a welcome surprise, but the subplot between him and his vapid daughter was pointless. As was the silly rapper with the squeaky voice. My buddy J-Man has more gangsta cred, yo!

And Matthew McConaughey? Not as cute as he thinks he is.

But I enjoy it. In a cute, campy, Saturday afternoon kind of way.

Am I disappointed I spent money on Fool's Gold? Well, let's just say I'm glad my sweetie and I saw a matinee.

Go for a light-hearted giggle, but don't expect more.

Comic Report: Dazzler 1-42, Dazzler: The Movie

2008-02-08T13:04:00.000-08:00

So somewhere along the way I developed a slight obsession with Dazzler.

I liked her in New Excalibur, but I kept hearing people crack on her very 1980s book. Now I'm down with the 80s, and also with strong female superheroes. So I decided to check it out.

With a little eBay magic, I had the complete run along with the graphic novel that fell in the middle.

OK, so maybe they tried a little too hard with Dazzler in the beginning. The roller skates were a bit much -- especially when she clipped them onto high heels. No mutant power should have saved her from breaking her damn neck. And did she have to be best buds with *every* hero in the Marvel universe? Did the Avengers really have to take her to an audition in a Quinjet?

But even with that, you get some great scenes. Half of the heroes in New York trying to change into their tights in the men's bathroom of a disco is danged funny. And the Enchantress is a good archnemesis for Dazz -- her ego just won't stand for a heroine who's both beautiful and talented.

And there's no way I can't like a comic that has an issue subtitled "Last Stand in Discoland!"

You get a crazy array of Marvel's finest in these early adventures. Dazzler takes on Dr. Doom, Klaw, the Hulk -- she even briefly serves as a Herald of Galactus!!

That may seem kind of crazy, but it's all explained fairly well. And Dazzler doesn't go in gangbusters -- she knows she's out of her league, and she's just trying to stay alive.

Along the way, too, I started to really like Alison Blaire. Dazzler was really a book ahead of its time. Like Jessica Jones in Alias, Ali never wants to be a superhero. She just wants to be. And the cast of characters that develop from that (her parents, manager, band mates, etc.) are really quite interesting.

So I found myself really enjoying Ali as a person more than Dazzler as a superhero. But since they were so well integrated, I was really grooving on the book.

Then it all falls down.

Writer Danny Fingeroth leaves after issue 27, and the book never recovers. All of the plot lines I was really enjoying are abandoned, in favor of a bunch of nonsense about Ali's stupid half sister.

Ali loses three-fourths of her brain cells, dumps her life and her dreams, and ends up in California trying to "find herself." As an aerobics instructor. And the stories just keep getting lamer.

Dazzler: The Movie had a strong storyline -- Alison being outed as one of the first public mutants -- but I just couldn't get over the terrible choice of a "love interest" for her. Roman would have been a joke to my Ali, the one of the first 27 issues.

And her switch to being a typical superhero at the end of the run? Meh. The magic was gone by that point.

So while I'm a huge Dazzler fan, and I'll pick up almost any story that has her in it, I'm still waiting to see the real Alison Blaire return to comics.

Movie Report: Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

2008-02-07T12:53:00.000-08:00

What can I say about the fabulous movie that hasn't already been said?

Yes, I'm a fan. I took off work so I could see this the second it premiered in theaters. I watched it on the big screen nine times. I re-read the books, listened to them on tape in the car (the unabridged version, of course), and bought the merchandise. I still covet Arwen's necklace.

So of course I have both versions on DVD, and every so often I *have* to watch it again. This time was notable because it was the first time since I got my big-ass TV.

It is very, very sweet on a big-ass TV.

If you don't like these movies, don't even bring it up. I don't want to have to hurt you.

Movie Report: To Catch a Thief (1955)

2008-02-06T15:47:00.000-08:00

If you haven't figured out that I have a Hitchcock obsession by now, go read another blog. :)

And this is a sorta thriller that's just beautiful. Grace Kelly is at her loveliest in a wonderful series of summer dresses and classic evening gowns (although the gold one is a bit much). Cary Grant is handsome and dashing, as he is in every movie. The French Rivera is impossibly beautiful, with sapphire blue water, charming vistas and adorable little houses. There's not a hint of darkness *anywhere.*

Even in the nighttime scenes, the rooftops the Cat scrambles over seem to glow. It's like something out of a fairy tale. But I will admit it's a little creepy seeing Kelly drive far too fast on the curvy Monaco roads.

I say this is pseudo suspense. Because really, if you're looking for a deep story, try another of Hickcock's movies. This is light and airy -- an escapist fantasy. Yeah, some rich people get robbed, and a couple of people die, but that's not a big deal, is it? This is the closest thing to romantic comedy I've seen out of Hitchcock.

Smart, sophisticated and sparkling.

Movie Report: Captain Blood (1935)

2008-02-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

Not as flashy or big budget at The Adventures of Robin Hood, but a great little Errol Flynn adventure flick nonetheless.

Because seriously -- it's tough to go wrong with pirates.

The low budget (this is mostly sound-stage scenes with a couple of models thrown in) allows the focus to be on the story and actors rather than big action sequences.

Flynn plays Peter Blood, a doctor sentenced to indentured servititude after treating rebel wounded. He's sent to Jamaica, where he makes a lot of speeches about freedom and pisses people off, but is saved from death in the mines by Olivia De Havilland, who plays Arabella, the niece of the cruel Colonel Bishop.

Blood of course falls hard for Arabella, but he'd rather be free than a slave with a sweetie. So he wins freedom of movement and some money by being the only doctor who can treat the ailing governor, and uses those victories to round up a motley crew of escaped slaves and debtors, get a ship and escape to the high sea for a life of piracy.

Of course, he's gonna confront the Spanish threatening the port, reunite with Arabella, save the day and live happily ever after -- it's a 1930s movie, after all.

While I liked that this movie wasn't all swordfighting and chandelier swinging, we could have done with a little more swash being buckled. One longish scene of model ships shooting at one another and one swordfight? That's it??

Still, it's fun, fiesty and good for fans of classic cinema.

Hey Bendis!

2008-02-04T14:04:00.001-08:00

OK, Bendis -- I cut you a lot of slack because Alias was just so damn good.

But I'm reading this never-ending ridiculous Hood nonsense, and I'd like to point out a few things.

OK, first -- I get that you don't want to be writing superhero comics. I really, really do. You're all sorts of scared that you're gonna lose your indie cred, but you just can't give up the phat Avengers paychecks. Have your personal drama if you want -- but would you please keep your Blue Velvet tendencies out of my damn superhero comics??

And seriously -- leave Tigra alone. Just don't write for her *ever* again. Because you don't get her. And you don't think she's a superhero. Maybe you're distracted by the bikini, or maybe you're a dog person. But the next time I see a superhero go all weepy and cower because of some stupid two-bit hood cosplaying as Little Red Riding Hood, I'm gonna come to your house and ask for my three bucks back.

Check out the stick figures (scroll down). It's a better Avengers comic, and it comes out on time.

TV Report: Clerks the animated series (2000)

2008-02-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

A very funny show that was never given a chance by ABC, Clerks had a brief appearance on TV in 2000, and then was resigned to DVD forever.

Continuing the adventures of Jay, Silent Bob, Randall and Dante in a colorful, TV-friendly way (which means they don't say "fuck") this is an off-the-wall, wacky mix of Star Wars references, TV homages, wacky adventures and a bevy of celebrity voices. Seriously, the people they got to do some voice work -- Alec Baldwin, Charles Barkley, Judge Reinhold, James Woods -- is fabulous.

I so wish someone would have given this show a real shot -- ABC messed up the order of the episodes and really dumped it even before it aired -- because it's so freakin' funny. If you are a Clerks fan, you must see the animated series. Or if you understand why this clip is hilarious, you must see this series.

100 percent film-nerd goodness.

Movie Report: The Tale of Zatoichi (1962)

2008-02-01T18:04:00.000-08:00

One of the cool things about my high-def package is a channel that runs nothing but kung-fu flicks. My sweetie really likes the Zatoichi movies, so we've been checking a lot of them out lately.

Ichi, a blind swordsman who'd really rather be a gambler and masseur but keeps getting dragged into gang conflicts, is hired by a gang leader who's worried about a possible showdown with another gang.

Gang number two has hired a honest-to-blog samurai to fight on their side, and gang number one's thugs won't be able to defeat him. Ichi can. Unfortnately, he meets the deathly ill samurai and the two forge a friendship. But you just know there's not going to be a happy ending.

As a kung fu flick, it's not the best. There's almost no fighting for three-fourths of the film and the camerawork is spotty at best. As a period drama, it's pretty good. You get a great portrait of the relucant mercenary. Ichi's scenes with a besotted woman and with the dying samurai are sincere without being sentimental. And even the gang members are given time and space to develop as more than sword fodder.

Movie Report: Meet John Doe (1941)

2008-01-31T17:05:00.000-08:00

Moviemakers seem to have forgotten something that director Frank Capra perfected -- how to be dark and proudly patriotic at the same time.

Because while this movie has a lot to say about the plight of the "little guy" and is highly critical of "rich fat cats," it still remains inherently optimistic about the good ol' red, white and blue.

A struggling newspaper columnist (Barbara Stanwyck, playing yet another tough girl) who's been handed her walking papers pulls a Stephen Glass on her final column, penning a completely fictional tale about a unemployed man who's fed up with the inequities of American life and has vowed to kill himself in protest on Christmas Eve.

Predictably, the story is a sensation, and to cover up that it's a work of fiction the columnist and her paper hire a down-on-his-luck ex-baseball player (Gary Cooper, in a great performance) to fill the part -- minus the jumping off of a building part.

Ironically for a paid "actor," John Doe becomes a symbol for integrity and humanity, and a movement promoting personal responsibility and being a good neighbor sweeps the nation. Enter the nasty rich fat cats, led by a manipulating moneybag who offers to finance the entire John Doe movement but plans to turn it toward his own political gain.

There are some creepy, yet telling scenes in here that mirror modern day a little too closely for comfort. "Americans need an iron hand," sneers character actor Edward Arnold. Is it wrong that he resembles Dick Cheney?

With a cast of great supporting actors and loads of Capra charm, the movie is a winner. The biggest misstep is Stanwyck's histrionics at the end, but the guy she loved was about to off himself, so I guess I'll forgive the screeching.

Dark, sweet, and memorable.

Movie Report: The Mummy (1999)

2008-01-30T18:14:00.001-08:00

A lot of people have bad things to say about Stephen Sommers' blockbusters, but I like this one because it's fun, charming, and never tries to be anything more than a summer popcorn flick.

It doesn't even resemble a remake of the beloved Universal monster movie classic, but it doesn't have to. It takes the basic premise -- two pretty people and a murderous mummy -- and adds lots of quotable, funny dialogue, a couple of wacky sidekicks and about $50 million in special effects.

And, judging by its popularity and the many thousands of times its been rerun on cable at this point, I'm assuming that everyone who might possibly read a blog has already seen it. So you know what you're getting.

Brendan Fraser is fabulous in damn near everything, and I wish he did more movies. Here he's cool, calm and strong with a streak of sarcasm that made Rick more entertaining than your average rugged jaw hero. Fraser knows this is all in good fun, and every so often he practically winks at the audience to let us in on the joke too.

Pulp fun in an Indiana Jones vein. Don't take it too seriously.

Book Report: The Historian

2008-01-29T15:51:00.000-08:00

Since the success of The DaVinci Code, there have been hundreds of authors trying to catch that lightning again, and its obvious that is what author Elizabeth Kostova intended here.

Now, while I'll freely admit that DaVinci wasn't the best-written book, it was entertaining. And I think that's what people caught on to. The Historian? Not so much.

I started reading it because it involved the Dracula legend, and we all I know I loves me some vampires. And while it's got some good points -- I liked the intertwining stories, and the descriptions of places like Budapest were very evocative. The idea of history influencing the present is always a good one, and really -- any book gets ten bonus points for having Dracula in it.

And then there's the other stuff.

1. This book needed an editor willing to cut at least 200 pages. It took me *forever* to read -- not because of its length, but because every time the author went into a rapturous six-page description of some medieval monastery I'd get bored and find something better to do.

2. It really needed to make sense. For a good mystery, there is a point where all must be revealed and the clues that have been dropped along the way all add up. The Historian does not have this.

3. Dracula's been playing this game for hundreds of years, at great expense, effort and detail to ... find someone to catalog his library? WTF? Couldn't he put an ad on Craigslist?

Why do I think this has all been an elaborate fanfic written by an under appreciated librarian?

4. Rossi (and others) keep repeating that vampires are completely unlike their depictions in movies and books and then the vampires act EXACTLY like their depictions in movies and books. This is where the author should have broken out and put a new spin on things -- all we found out here are that vampires are bookworms. Is that supposed to be odd?

5. Dracula is too much like a half-assed Santa Claus. He knows when someone is researching him halfway around the world, but not when someone's standing behind him with a gun loaded with silver bullets? He has to stay in his tomb, but he keeps popping up in England, France and Holland? He claims to be the author of modern life, but he can't keep track of his own damn books?

Sigh. Maybe my standards are too high for novels these days. Beach reading at best, but only if you turn your brain off and skip over the many plot inconsistencies and holes.

Movie report: Juno (2007)

2008-01-28T17:08:00.000-08:00

Ah, the traditional birthday movie. My sweetie takes me to one every year.

I'd heard nothing but good things about this one, so off we went. It was a very good choice.

I've been ranting about characters in independent movies for a while. Far too often, they're too cute, too quirky, too different. It's a odd mish-mash of what people pretty far removed from "real life" think these people should be like. And most of the time, it's damned annoying.

Not so in Juno. These characters *felt* real, talked real, acted real. I half expected to find Juno and Bleeker hanging out on the bench in front of the TCBY when I left the theater.

Warm and funny, I especially liked that Juno's parents weren't screaming stereotypes and that the supposedly "perfect" couple from the Penny Saver was far from perfect. I could identify with Jason Bateman's character being uncertain about having fatherhood thrust upon him, and Jennifer Garner's nervous, fragile domineering proved she really can act.

If anything felt forced, it was the pseudo relationship between Juno and Mark. I could understand why he would have seen her as a chance to recapture a fragment of his rock dreams, but I never really understood why Juno would spend her free time with him.

Imminently quotable, and with a cool soundtrack that enhanced every scene, Juno's a must see, and probably a must buy. More little movies should be like this.

Birthday Wish List: 2008

2008-01-27T14:44:00.000-08:00

A year has gone by, and I was looking at my wish list from last year. And it occurs to me that I actually did pretty well -- I got the majority of what I wanted.

So 2007 had its ups and downs, but overall it didn't suck.

In the interest of having another year that doesn't suck, I present the 2008 version of my birthday list. Items are in no particular order, so start shopping.

Thanks.

1. Some stability. It's tough to get a grip on something that keeps changing. If I can't have stability, I'd really like the same thing to be true two days in a row.

2. Lucky breaks. It would be really nice if things would go my way a few times.

3. Health and happiness for everyone I care about.

4. Unclipped wings. If this little falcon doesn't get to fly soon, she's gonna start pecking out some eyes.

5. A bed. A nice cushy bed that I can sink into and not wake up with a cramp in my hip 'cause the mattress is starting to deflate. We got rid of the majority of our furniture in the move, and I miss it. (Not my crappy old furniture, but the idea of furniture.)

6. While we're at it, how about an apartment full of kick-ass furniture? We can start with bookshelves (pie do I need a load of those) and then move on to pieces that satisfy my retro-cool desires.

7. More time at the beach. Nothing I've seen out here affects me as deeply as standing at the edge of the world.

8. A real vacation. It's been a few years since I had one, and it's time. I'd like it to involve majestic sights, stories to last a lifetime and at least one umbrella drink.

9. Jeans that fit. Preferably jeans that fit that are one or more sizes smaller than the jeans I'm wearing now.

10. To successfully knit socks and a sweater that both fit and are nice enough that I'm willing to wear them out of the house.

11. To sell something I've written that is non-work related and that I get actual money for creating.

12. Multiple pairs of hella cute hand-painted shoes. Anyone who's still looking for a present for me could start with these in a size 8.5.

13. More Pocky and milk-flavored Hello Panda. And the return of my beloved Sierra Mist Lemon Squeeze -- damn that stuff is tasty.

It's not too much to ask, is it?

Movie Report: Hellboy Animated: Blood and Iron (2007)

2008-01-25T17:52:00.000-08:00

So we picked up the second Hellboy animated movie soon after seeing Storm of Swords. I likes me some Borders coupons.

This time we get the professor leading an investigation of a haunted house that has connections to one of his first, pre-Hellboy adventures. It seems to be at first your straight-forward vampire hunt, but then it gets really nifty.

You get a battle scene that doesn't tell you much about the characters or the plot. OK. Then as you coast through the story in a standard chronilogical fashion, the plot and the true nature of the event are revealed in a series of flashbacks that start at a pivotal event, and then preceed *anti-chronilogically.* So you get the intentions and motives both in the present and in the past. It's very clever, and since Blood and Iron has both a beginning and a end at the beginning and the end, it ties the story together nicely.

That being said, what in pie was Hecate doing in this movie? Was she just there to give Hellboy something to beat up while the professor carried the bulk of the story? The villain of this piece should have been the vampire, not a goddess tossed in for no good reason.

But I'll let it go in light of the ambitious storytelling. Here's to hoping that the next movie is even better.

Movie Report: Hellboy Animated: Storm of Swords (2006)

2008-01-23T16:25:00.000-08:00

I liked the movie, I like the comic -- why not try the animated version?

Done is a stylized, pseudo-anime style which seems to work despite sometimes spotty animation, this tells a story that has some inspiration from the comics but then wanders off in its own direction.

Hellboy, Liz and Abe are dispatched to Japan, where a priceless exhibit has been damaged and a historian is missing. Hellboy soon wanders off to follow a strange, magical fox (like that's ever a good idea) and ends up trapped somewhere in time.

So we get a huge chunk of Red wandering through various Japanese myths and beating them up.

It's fun, and the writers obviously did some research into Japanese mythology. But it didn't have the snappy charm of other versions of Hellboy, and there were almost no quotable lines. So it just felt like it was missing something. I don't know what, but it wasn't there.

The voice acting is mostly pretty darn good -- they got Ron Perlman to do Hellboy, and that's all that really matters. But dang -- does Phil LaMarr have to do 30 voices in *every* animated production these days?

Worth watching, and I'm not disappointed that we bought the DVD. But not a must-see.

Movie Report: Strangers on a Train (1951)

2008-01-22T14:08:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed yet that I have a thing for Hitchcock movies?

And this one is simply fabulous. In it's own way, it is even more absurdist and surreal than Vertigo.

With a masterful "criss-cross" motif, we get to see two men on wildly divergent paths and the disaster that results when they interact. Guy is your typical American type -- straight forward, honest, successful, handsome, hard working but a social climber. Bruno is his exact opposite -- gay, decadent, destructive, listless, scheming. Bruno's life is one of repetition, circularity, whereas Guy moves straight ahead. It is Bruno's achievement to move Guy into his realm (represented by the merry-go-round) and force HIM to transgress.

Bruno's transgression turns the world topsy-turvy. Whenever Guy is the main focus, he is filmed straight, with conventionally romantic music. But whenever Bruno intrudes, the atmosphere becomes carnivalesque, bizarre and much more fun.

Loads of suspense are lightened with splashes of black humor (Bruno in the audience at the tennis match, his teasing suggestive comments to Guy, and his mother's ridiculous paintings). This is a movie that take multiple viewings to catch all the little tricks and twists that Hitchcock throws in, and also all the jokes -- he pushes it to the line with the censors, and it's wicked in a fun, early 1950s way.

But what is really interesting is how Hitchcock makes the audience root for a psychotic murderer. While his actions and final words may damn him, you like him better than you do the white bread Guy.

Simply sublime.

Movie Report: Cloverfield (2008)

2008-01-21T17:49:00.000-08:00

Never before has a big-budget Hollywood production spent so much time, money and effort to make a movie that looks this shitty.

Because I gotta warn you. If you are prone to motion sickness *at all,* be careful with Cloverfield. I knew I'd have trouble, I took anti-nausea medication before I went and I still got queasy. If I hadn't taken precautions, I'd have spewed a Subway Club on wheat (no cheese) all over the first four rows.

You have been warned.

Now, once you get over the vomit factor, Cloverfield is a nifty idea. It's not a big monster flick. It's got a big monster, and its pretty danged cool, but the movie's not about that.

It's more like a zombie survival flick, as it follows a small group of people very closely. So the premise really is "what would some normal people do in an incredibly not-normal situation?"

It also is very indicative of the modern YouTube generation. Nothing is real until it's recorded, analyzed, narrated and loaded onto a Web browser. Of course, writing these words on a blog, I feel kinda dumb. Not as dumb as the people who stopped to whip out their cell cams instead of RUNNING FROM THE GIANT SMASHY MONSTER, but I realize that I'm part of the problem. :)

The party takes up a full quarter of a relatively short movie, but it works, because it gives us a good idea of who all these people are without a lot of exposition nonsense. Then it's time for monster smackdown, baby!

We never learn that much about the critter, except that it's huge, presumably aquatic, incredibly cranky, and damn near invulnerable. It's also got skittery little monsters that fall off it like dandruff, because you've gotta have that Aliens factor in monster movies these days.

So very cool, rocket-paced action (do not get the large soda, 'cause potty breaks are a bad idea) that is a good start for the 2008 movie season.

What I want to see now is the sequel that explains what in pie was going on.

It's still alive.

Manga Report: Gunsmith Cats Revised Omnibus, Vol. 3

2008-01-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

Guns, girls, hot cars and crazy action!

I love Gunsmith Cats. It's like reading an action movie. :)

So Rally's still dealing with the mess from last volume, and it's driving her crazy that she can't carry a gun or chase bounties. Doesn't help that everyone keeps rubbing her nose in it, either.

But she's determined to deal with Bean Bandit. And after Rally finds out that Bean's transporting another shipment of hallucinogens, he makes her a deal -- she stops him without firing a bullet or calling in the calvary, and he'll stop running drugs.

Now Bean's so danged hardcore he's got a bulletproof bandanna, but this time the battles are behind the wheel and Rally's relying on her much abused Shelby GT 500. We get a crazy car chase through the wilds of the frozen Midwest that reads like it's hopped up on crack. It's got the feel of the best of the over-the-top Hong Kong action flicks, and it's just masterfully done.

The second story is much different, and was a nice change of pace. Rally and Minnie May get mixed up in the story of a custody dispute between a professional stage magician and his stuck-up society wife. Kidnappings, criminal doings, mistaken identities and tricks abound, and one key clue is on the collar of a doggie. An extended flashback gives us some more hints about Rally's past, and I hope sets up for some final answers.

Book Report: Mistral's Kiss

2008-01-17T16:11:00.000-08:00

At this point, I'm actually embarrassed to say I read another "novel" by Laurell K. Hamilton. But I did. And I'm gonna own up to it, even.

The first thing that amused me about Mistral's Kiss was that it says "a novel" on the cover. As if there would be some confusion. Then again, based on the fact that I started this book at the hair salon and had gotten four-fifths through before my hair had renewed highlights and a trim, there might be some dispute about whether this is actually a novel, or just an overlong submission for an Internet forum.

Two hundred and twelve pages, and I'm damn glad it was on sale. Grumble, grumble ... stupid authors stretching out short stories to make a buck ...

Anyway ...

About two books ago, Merry and her cadre of hunks were "invited" to the Seelie Court. Two books ago. THEY ARE NOT THERE YET!

In the sweet name of pie, could this plot develop any slower? Seriously -- get on with it already!!!

So basically we get four extended scenes. Three of them are sex scenes. And while I complain at length about the ridiculous sex scenes in Hamilton's Anita Blake books, these are just comical.

I really enjoyed the idea of Meredith as a wayward faerie princess in the first novels, and the framework of a race to produce an heir to the Unseelie throne at least provided a reason for the frequent, lusty bedroom antics.

But now she's picked up so many men that the sex scenes are starting to resemble a Cecil B. DeMille movie -- a cast of thousands, and you don't even know all their names. There is absolutely no emotional intimacy -- how could there be? She's hardly been introduced to half these guys!

Sigh. I miss Doyle.

So let me wrap up this one for you.

Merry bangs half a dozen hot faerie men. Another lost artifact appears -- they're practically falling on Merry's head at this point. Every body gets more powerful because of the return of the chalice. They celebrate by having sex. Andais is cranky about Merry getting more power and filling the Unseelie halls with bunnies and sunshine, but because she's not sleeping with Meredith, she's really got no part in this book. So she lets Merry do whatever she wants.

Merry has sex with three more guys. Someone tries to attack her, although at this point I don't know why they bother, because she's just going to bang someone and get more power. Which she does. A couple of characters die, others get new powers -- it's really all just set up for Merry to sleep with someone else. Which she does. The Wild Hunt is released, which you'd think would be a big deal. But it's not. Everything is easily resolved, and they all live to hump another day.

Silly, silly, silly. This isn't suitable for anything other than beach or hair salon reading.

Movie Report: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)

2008-01-16T18:19:00.001-08:00

It's simply amazing what they could do when skirting around Hollywood's decency standards.

What some consider the heart of this Tennessee Williams play had to be cut -- in 1958, one simply did not have your leading man play a closeted homosexual. And while that may have ruined the film adaptation for Williams, who hated it so much he encouraged people to leave the theater, what's left is a talky, dramatic storm of a film.

Elizabeth Taylor is simply unforgettable as Maggie the Cat. She's so alive she practically vibrates off the screen, and her aching need for love is palpable. It's a confident, rich performance, and is justly considered to be one of her best.

And Paul Newman does what he can with the role of Brick, which is still a damn fine performance even if his role got chopped for the censors. Burl Ives is larger-than-life as the insensitive, domineering Big Daddy, and its wonderful how Newman makes his portrayal so different from Ives and yet so much the same. You can tell that Brick is a chip off the old block.

If anything spoils this movie, it's the happy Hollywood ending. Nothing would, or should, be tied up so neatly -- not for these people. That's one thing the play did much better.

Watch it for the performances, then read the play. It's the best of both worlds.

Anime Report: Ghost in the Shell: Solid State Society

2008-01-15T17:45:00.000-08:00

Solid State Society picks up a couple of years after the events of the second series of the TV show.

Section Nine exists, but without the Major. Togusa is Aramaki's second now, but he's harder and harsher than he was before, and his relationship with his family is suffering. Batou is still missing the Major. And I'm not sure why the Tachikoma are back, but maybe Batou had them rebuilt so he would lose all his friends.

But fear not, because soon the Major reunites with her old friends as they track a murderous, "wizard-class" hacker known as the Puppeteer.

This all seems kinda familiar, but it's nice to see the band back together and the movie makes some interesting statements the effect of Japan's aging population on the culture.

So there's stellar animation, a wonderful music score, a nice engaging plot with corporate malfeasance and political double-dealing, all wrapped up in a nice "what if" ending.

If you're not already a fan of Ghost in the Shell you might not get it, but overall this is a solid continuation for one of my favorite series.

Movie Report: The Bucket List (2008)

2008-01-14T12:22:00.000-08:00

This movie is not as sappy as the ads would make it out to be.

Fun and feisty, this movie seems designed for Oscar nominations, with two top actors (Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman) trading witty barbs, making hospital jokes and having tender man-bonding moments. I don't know if it's as good enough for the Oscars, but it ain't bad for a Saturday matinee.

I'm not going to get into the plot, because if you've seen the commercials, you can predict the plot. There are no surprises here. And I'm not sure if there need to be. This was basically a master class presented by two masterful actors, and we as viewers are just here to enjoy the show.

But bring tissues. I cried my way through the last twenty minutes, as I knew I would when I walked into the theater. The fact that it didn't bug me (I have a distaste for sappy "heartwarming" flicks) is a tribute to just how wonderful Nicholson and Freeman are to watch.

Movie Report: Jude (1996)

2008-01-11T17:08:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'll pretty much watch any movie with Kate Winslet in it.

Which is how I ended up spending part of a Saturday night with this flick on cable.

Based on Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy, the movie follows the life of a learned but simple stonemason who gets hit with tragedy after tragedy. There's lots of crying, lots of struggling, and although the heart of the film is a romance, there are no hearts and flowers. This is a dark, messy affair, and very little happiness results from it.

What makes the film are two wonderful performances by Christopher Eccelston (yes, the one-time Doctor Who) and Winslet. As Sue, Winslet lights up the screen, and it's easy to see why Jude is so determined to pursue her despite everything that's stacked against them.

Beautifully depressing, this movie is a reminder of why sometimes it is a good thing to let go.

Movie Report: White Zombie (1932)

2008-01-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

Another great horror movie that almost no one sees anymore.

Released the year after Dracula, White Zombie is the story of two basically clueless lovers visiting Jamaica as the guests of Legrende, an ominous plantation owner willing to do whatever he has to to get what he wants.

What makes this movie great is two things. First off, Lugosi is *perfect* as Legrende. He's eeevvvvvvvvviiiilllll, and it's wonderfully entertaining to watch him work. Secondly, it's striking how much the filmmakers did with an obviously minuscule budget.

Some scenes (the burial in the road, the zombies working the sugar mill) are downright creepy and will stay with you. My favorite, though, was the cantina. All you really see is one actor and some shadows on a burlap curtain behind them. With that, though, they manage to not only suggest a bustling seaside bar, but also the characters isolation and despair at being separated from his love.

A unique, forgotten classic.

Movie Report: The Mummy's Hand (1940)

2008-01-09T17:09:00.001-08:00

Contrary to what even Universal Studios would have you believe, this is *not* a sequel to The Mummy.

Sure, it's set in Egypt. And there's a mummy. They even reuse some of the footage from The Mummy. But that's where the similarity ends.

This movie is a B-flick. It's a pretty good B-flick, but it's not a classic. Where The Mummy went for atmosphere and drama, this movie aims for yuks and a quick scare.

An out-of-work American archaeologist and his annoying comic sidekick stumble onto the location of Princess Ananka's tomb. The rope in a clueless stage magician and his daughter for funding, and away we go to the sands.

And there they run into the guy who steals the movie, the high priest of Karnak. He's pledged to protect the princess's tomb, even if that means he's gotta brew some wacky tea and wake up a mummy to chase the dumb Americans.

And these people are dumb. Princess Ananka's tomb is a set big enough to hold the Oscars in, and they are completely incapable of finding it!

A lot of the classic "Mummy" movie tropes -- the slow, foot-dragging guy wrapped in bandages, the tana leaves, the story of Kharis -- get their start here. None of this was in the original. It didn't need to be.

So have fun with this movie, but don't expect it to come close to the mood or atmosphere of the original.

Movie Report: The Mummy (1932)

2008-01-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

If you haven't noticed, I love the classic horror movies of the 1930s.

And this is one of the best. Moody and atmospheric, The Mummy takes some inspiration from German Expressionism, mixes in a healthy dose of Egyptian mystique, adds in a dash of tragic romance and finishes it with a creepy, commanding performance by Boris Karloff.

Even better, this is one of the early horror movies made *before* the induction of the Hayes code, which did its best to suck all the horror and thrills out of film.

There are some obvious references to Dracula, including a few of the same supporting characters in Van Helsing and Jonathan Murray-type roles, but the standout performance besides Karloff's is Zita Johann as Helen. She didn't do many movies, but her exotic looks and obvious chemistry with Karloff make her perfect for this part.

And Karloff ... jenkies! With little more than some sandy-looking makeup, a doleful stare and that deep, slow voice, he creates a monster that is an immortal part of film history. No bandage-wrapped foot-dragger for this movie -- Ardeth Bay is powerful, driven and scary.

An intelligent thriller that stimulates the imagination.

TV Report: The Night Strangler (1973)

2008-01-07T17:20:00.001-08:00

Well, it worked the first time ...

Carl Kolchak is back, only this time he's tracking the culprit in a string of Seattle murders.

Someone's offing showgirls, you see, and his MO is exactly the same as a killer who stalked the streets a century ago. Is it the same guy?

So Kolchak's on the case, and Vincenzo's there to cover Kolchak's ass and to complain about his wacky antics.

But this movie follows the same formula as the previous one, so everyone knows what to expect. Only Kolchak yells more. A lot more. He yells at Vincenzo, he yells at the police, he yells at the showgirls ... He yells so much I think he might need medication. If it starts to grate, just turn down the volume on your TV every time Darren McGavin takes a deep breath.

The script by Richard Matheson leans a little too heavily on pseudo-science, but that's easily forgiven. Add a nice supporting cast with some fun cameos (Margaret Hamilton, Al "Grandpa Munster" Lewis) and you've got a decent little flick.

TV Report: The Night Stalker (1972)

2008-01-04T13:57:00.000-08:00

Dang they made some good stuff for television back in the day!

This is a low-budget yet thoroughly enjoyable vampire flick. Set against the searing sun of Las Vegas, a series of odd, bloodsucking murders are a headache for the authorities but an opportunity for an out-of-step reporter willing to believe almost anything.

This is the first appearance of beloved horror icon Carl Kolchak on film (there was a novel that the movie is based upon) and Darren McGavin totally inhabits the role, giving Kolchak his signature (lack of) style and in-your-face bluster. It's perfect.

Add a fine supporting cast, led by Simon Oakland as Vincenzo, and a fabulous script penned by author Richard Matheson and this is a great little movie. With better production values and some stunt men that weren't so obvious, it could have been a classic.

As it is, it's well worth tracking down on DVD. If you're a fan of the TV series, you've *got* to see the movies.

Marvel's Attitude Towards Its Fans

2008-01-04T10:47:00.001-08:00

I really need to stop thinking about this ...

End of the Day

2008-01-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to go into what a complete waste of paper the Spider-Man "One More Day" storyline was.

I'm not going to rage about lazy storytelling, complete lack of respect for the characters and heavy-handed editorial decisions that bork up thirty years of comic history.

I'm not even going to mention how amazingly stupid it is to say "Spider-Man can't get divorced, but deals with the DEVIL are okey-dokey!" Or how if this deal doesn't come back and bite Peter Parker in his regressed ass, it will be a severe injustice.

I'm just going to say Thank you, Marvel. Thank you for saving me nine bucks a month. Because hell will freeze before I buy any Spider-Man comics having anything to do with this lame idea.

If you want to know what I'm ranting about, you can check out Newsarama or Comic Book Resources, or just look for the cluster of comic fans foaming at the mouth.

But don't bother me. I'll be reading Booster Gold or perusing my DVD full of Spider-Man stories that don't suck.

"It's magic, it doesn't have to be explained."

Bite me, Quesada.

Comic Report: Uncanny X-Men in the 1970s

2008-01-03T15:49:00.000-08:00

You, my friend, are a Mutant -- and I have need of Mutants -- Desperate need!

After years of reprints, Uncanny X-Men comes roaring back in 1975 with Giant-Size X-Men 1, which introduced a new, international team of mutants.

The story was that the original X-Men had been captured by the living mutant island of Krakoa, so Xavier recruits a new team to rescue them. The new team saves the day, and everyone (except the island, which gets pelted into orbit by a very cranky Polaris) lives happily ever after.

Apparently the new and improved X-Men (Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler, Colossus, Banshee and perennial leader Cyclops) were a hit with readers, because the original X-Men take their leave and the book returns with new stories and a new creative team headed by writer Chris Claremont, who would helm the book for the better part of two decades. And an era begins.

So the first few issues after the relaunch deal with getting the new team to gel. These are all adults, with different agendas and experiences, so the old rules didn't apply. Besides, I don't think Wolverine (who says "baby" way too often and is already hitting on Jean) would have taken too well to classwork.

Oh, and see ya Thunderbird and Sunfire. Don't let the door hit ya ...

We get some X-Men on X-Men action, the return of the Sentinels, and then Issue 101.

ENTER THE PHOENIX!!!

And damn ... Jean's sacrifice to save the team, her heartbreaking farewell with Scott -- this would have been a powerhouse of a storyline even without Jean rocketing out of the ocean with a cool new costume and phenomenal cosmic power.

The era of the Phoenix is one of the things that makes comics great. And these are some amazing, amazing stories. Jean struggling to deal with her power, the X-Men looking for their place, the introduction of Princess Lilandra and the Shi'ar, the X-Men's first ventures into space, battles with Alpha Flight and Arcade, the triumphant return of Magneto and his imprisonment of the entire team on Asteroid M ... wow!

And then it changes up even more.

In Issue 114, the team is split. Phoenix and Beast have escaped from the Arctic and believe the rest of the team has been killed. Brokenhearted, they return to tell Professor Xavier that his dream is dead.

In the Savage Land, the team mourns for Beast and Phoenix, and Scott finds himself unable to grieve for the woman he loved. Does this mean Jean wasn't the one for him after all?

The divided X-Men go through various trials and tribulations throughout the rest of the 1970s, reuniting for the Proteus storyline, in which we find one of the most powerful mutants the world has ever know -- and Moira MacTaggert's secret heartbreak.

These are just spectacular stories. If you're a comic fan, you must read them. If you've read them already, isn't it time to revisit them?

If only the comics I'm buying today were this good ...

Book Report: Frankenstein

2008-01-02T17:29:00.000-08:00

This is another re-read for me. Welcome back, my Gothic, monstrous friend.

Hubris, love, hate, life, creation, identity, justice and responsibility are all mixed up in the tale of a privileged scientist who does what he can without considering if he should.

Frankenstein (the scientist) creates his "Monster" because he can. But then he shuns his creation, running away and leaving the creature to find his way about world. The Monster desperately wants Frankenstein's love. Frankenstein just as desperately wants to forget what he's done.

So the plot is simple enough, but its the characters and the expansiveness of their interactions that make Frankenstein the enduring work it is. I can't help but sympathise with both creator and creation -- one repenting his "unhallowed arts" for being "not in deed, but in effect" the curse and murderer of his family and friends; the other seeking any connection with a world he did not ask to be a part of and cannot do without.

The Creature tries everything from exhorting pity ("Was I then a monster, a blot upon the earth, from which all men fled, and whom all men disowned?") to villainy ("You are my creator, but I am your master; obey.") to gain a sliver of acceptance from Frankenstein -- it is only when that is denied him that he lashes out. In the end, Frankenstein and his creation are remarkably similar, and neither can alter the cruel fate to which they are destined.

Philosophy has a large part in this book -- Mary Shelley was the daughter of two philosophers, and she spends a lot of time considering the ethics of Frankenstein's actions, and using those actions as a way to criticize the Industrial Revolution. Yet she also uses the Monster's story as a way to refute one of the major theories supported by her parents -- educational reform. Although the Monster learned language and became quite well-read, this did not make him a part of the "human family." The only thing that can do that -- acceptance by his creator (and the world at large) is forever denied him.

While Frankenstein is a rather short novel, it can also be one that's a bit of a slog. The large sections of philosophy may put some off, as may the loving, travelogue-like descriptions of the Alps and liberal use of fifty-cent words. But that's Gothic literature for you.

So while Frankenstein isn't, for me, as good of a curl-up-and read book as Dracula, it's still a classic. If you haven't read it, you should.

Everywhere I see bliss, from which I alone am irrevocably excluded. I was benevolent and good, misery made me a fiend. Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous.

Movie Report: AVPR: Aliens vs. Predator - Requiem (2007)

2008-01-01T21:51:00.000-08:00

OK, that title is officially ridiculous. It might be longer than the damn movie. I feel dumb just typing it.

And let me be very clear. This movie is not art. It's not even close to art. It's at least seven miles away from art, which is about 40 minutes in Bay Area traffic.

But I didn't want art. I just wanted to see some Predators whooping some Alien ass.

So the Predator ship from the last AvP flick crash lands into a high school slasher flick. Chaos and facehugging abounds.

The movie is a laundry list of cliches, gimmicks and lame plot devices. It could have been written by a bunch of fans on some forum, and it probably was. Do NOT look for any logic, rhyme or reason in this movie. There is none.

What is there? Outrageous, over-the-top, glorious violence. Carnage that would make a fanboy wet himself. You get introduced to a wide variety of typical small town types. Don't get attached to any of them. They're gonna die.

And there's one bad-ass Predator. If Chuck Norris had dreads, he could be this Predator. I liked him.

They kill pregnant women and kids with glee. Nothing is safe. And the complete lack of a plot gave J and I plenty of opportunities to crack jokes as the movie was running.

Hilariously, clownishly violent. Don't go unless you want to see Looney Toons with buckets o'blood.

Movie Report: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)

2007-12-31T01:38:00.000-08:00

OK, I knew what to expect from the name of the movie: 90 minutes of cock jokes.

And sometimes that works.

An Airplane-style parody of the slew of musical bio pics (Walk the Line, Ray, etc.) this is played hilariously straight. It's so spot-on to the source material that it even pulls many of the same tricks -- middle-aged actors playing teenagers, too much reliance on the drama of drugs, groupies and divorces and glossing over the subject's actual life.

Set to a kick-ass soundtrack, of course.

Now, John C. Reilly can actually *sing* (he got an Oscar nod for Chicago) and Walk Hard uses that to great effect as Dewey performs everything from 50s pop to country to 1960s protest songs and a so-horrible-its-funny disco remake of his greatest "hit." Tim Meadows, who's third-string at best, is surprisingly funny as Dewey's sidekick/drug pusher.

And random full-frontal male nudity must be the new hotness in Hollywood comedies. But then again, with a name like Dewey Cox ...

All that is pretty good, but the real gem of Walk Hard is the script. Almost too clever, the script is jammed with quotable lines that actually get funnier after you leave the theater. It's so smart it needs time to sink in.

Because I left the theater saying "that wasn't bad." Two days later, I'm still laughing every time I remember one of those bits. That's better than "not bad."

Give it a chance, but Walk Hard may need more than one viewing for full effect.

Let's go play machete fight. Ain't no terrible tragedy gonna happen today!

Comic Report: She-Hulk: Planet Without a Hulk

2007-12-25T23:43:00.000-08:00

C'mon everybody! We've got one last chance to wrap up every damn plotline in the series!!

Shulkie McBeal ready to forget her "accidental" marriage, but as soon as she returns from dealing with Eros she finds out she's been "recruited" by SHIELD.

Congratulations Jen -- you're now Tony Stark's bitch.

Teamed up with a wacky Hulkbuster team (that includes an android named Agent Cheesecake) Jen takes on Zzzax and the Abomination, the latter of who just seemed to want some hot wings and a showgirl.

Inexplicably, she then spends an issue as Wolverine's sidekick. Not only was it just plain silly to have her fighting Wendigo in her undies (in the snow, of course), Jen seems to be regressing as she hits on Wolverine. Wolvie rejects her, saying he's not interested in Juggernaut's sloppy seconds, leaving Jen protesting that she never did the nasty in the pasty.

Jen then starts up an ill-advised affair with Stark, showing that her taste in men is actually worse than her taste in fashion. But it all goes sour, of course, after she finds out what *really* happened to her cousin and goes apeshit.

While I always enjoy seeing Iron Man get thrown a beating (see Thor) this one seemed like a set-up. It was just another time to show Tony as a dick, as he zaps Jen with a super-weapon that takes her powers away.

Add into all this craziness Awesome Andy's origin and the resolution of his romance with Mallory, the return of Pug (and the resolution of his love for Jen), the fate of comic nerd Stu Cicero, the law firm defending The Leader with an argument that gamma radiation affects the psyche, the deal with Mr. Zix, the return of Jen's powers *and* a story that attempts to explain every comic continuity problem of the last 40 years, and dang -- that's a lot, ya'll!

A decent end to a good run, I would have preferred to see this spread out a bit and given a more careful treatment. But it was still fun.

With the complete reset of She-Hulk, I've added this to my single issue pull list. We'll see if it stays there.

Movie Report: National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007)

2007-12-25T23:12:00.000-08:00

Not great, but not bad, either!

Far fetched but ingenious, this movie plays like a video game, right down to having some nifty little puzzle traps.

A crazily convoluted plot boils down to this: History nut sets out to prove his ancestor wasn't the mastermind of the plot to kill Lincoln. Two hours and about 15 clues later, nothing much is proved -- but we found the city of gold, so who cares!

I did have a good time watching it. Oh yeah, I knew the vast majority of the "historical secrets" they dug up (the desks were a neat bit of trivia) and I giggled at the thought of stone levels literally moving the face of a mountain, but I still had a good time.

The characters are likable and fun, and I think that helps. Nicolas Cage was far, far less annoying than he was in Ghost Rider, so bonus points for that. Ed Harris, oddly enough, was the weak link -- but I blame that on the script. He's the bad guy, but he swings wildly from threatening to kill everybody one minute to practically joining the team the next. It's dumb.

The nifty cool car chase in London makes up for that, though -- and props to the director for being one of the only ones lately to use a Steadicam! It was nice to actually be able to *see* what was going on!

Ridiculous, exhausting and entertaining -- and I'm sure there's gonna be a third one.

Movie Report: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

2007-12-23T02:22:00.000-08:00

It's a slasher flick. It's a musical.

And I think it's my early Oscar pick.

Because this is simply fabulous. Horrific and hilarious, the photography is perfect (the light/dark contrasts and use of splashes of color are spectacular), the direction tight and reasonably free of Tim Burton's flights of self-indulgent fantasy, and the singing is even pretty good, for a bunch of non-professional singers.

And Johnny Depp ... oh ... my ... gosh. He's crooning lovingly to his razors one minute, and plunging headlong into madness the next. The man can *sing,* and not only is his acting absolutely perfect (and Oscar worthy) he actually manages to still be hot with an inch of pale pancake makeup and a hairdo that's reminescent of the Bride of Frankenstein.

The other performance that can't be ignored is Helena Bonham-Carter. Her Mrs. Lovett has a sweet, sad unrequited love for Todd, and she pours emotion and depth into the performance without resorting to screeching or fawning. She takes a murderous baker and makes her break your heart. It's wonderful.

The trippy seaside sequence is perfect, and keep an eye out for Sasha Baron Cohen proving that he can be more than Borat.

This is an immediate classic, and I'll be buying the DVD the day it is released.

It's been a long time since I enjoyed a movie this much.

Movie Report: The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

2007-12-21T15:08:00.000-08:00

What can I say? It was heist night.

This isn't an action movie, or a thriller. It's a stylish, sexy, cat and mouse game between two very charismatic people. Focus on that, and you'll forget that the crime could have been solved by rewinding a security tape back a few more minutes.

The dialogue is snappy and charming, the sets exotic and sumptuous, and the dance scene ... damn. The soundtrack alone is worth checking the movie out, and it enhances the action nicely.

But really, the whole movie hangs on two people: Rene Russo and Pierce Brosnan, and they keep me entertained. Add in a strong supporting performance by Dennis Leary and you've got yourself a nice little turn your brain off date flick.

Movie Report: Entrapment (1999)

2007-12-20T11:07:00.000-08:00

Let us have no illusions: The star of this thief flick is Catherine Zeta-Jones' ass.

Because that's all a lot of watchers are going to remember -- Catherine in a catsuit sliding through a web of yarn that supposed to mimic a laser grid. I think the movie was made just for that scene.

But I am a fan of the stylish heist flick, so one night when I was bored I popped this in the DVD player.

Logic is not a big player in this movie. There are repeated bullshit moments, and the plot (which has large chunks stolen from Superman III) is pretty silly. The romance is ridiculous. And for some reason Sean Connery has superpowers -- because I consider repeatedly disappearing into thin air a superpower.

There are the good parts. Catherine Zeta-Jones' ass (if you're into that sort of thing). Sean Connery as an aging master thief adds some needed style and gravitas. The photography is fabulous, and Scotland should be using the gorgeous footage of the castle in the Highlands as a tourism promotion.

But if defeating super high-tech security systems and dancing away with billions in cash and priceless art was as easy as these two make it out to be, I'd be planning my next heist (Starry Night might look good in my living room) instead of writing this blog.