Movie Report: "So I Married an Ax Murderer"

Sweet and funny and totally underappreciated, this 1993 movie shows what Mike Myers could do before he picked up the "Austin Powers" gag and ran with it.

Myers plays a commitment-phobe poet, Nancy Travis is the beautiful butcher who is his dream girl ... and may be a serial killer. The rest of the cast is killer -- Anthony LaPaglia as a cop frustrated by the lack of action his job, Amanda Plummer as the kooky sister (does she play anything but kooks?) and marvelous cameos by Alan Arkin, Steven Wright, Charles Grodin and the late, great Phil Hartman as an Alcatraz tour guide named Vickie.

The beat poet riffs are hilarously terrible, and remind me of some of the losers who were in my classes in college. Myers' extended bit as his character's Scottish-obsessed father is straight out of his SNL work, but offers up most of the movie's most quotable lines -- it's surprising how many times you can hear someone bellow "HEAD! PANTS! NOW!" at my house.

The beautiful shots of San Francisco are a treat, too -- I have *got* to get to this town. I want to explore!

Dark and sweet at the same time ... like good chocolate.

You Knit What? Koigu Krazyness

OK, I'm behind on my You Knit What? posts, because I've been trying to catch up on my reviews. Let me know what you like better.

But these ... I don't have the words for how hideous these pants are. Why in the name of pie would any one knit a crazy quilt with legs, much less wear it? In public?

I'm sure Koigu is a very nice yarn. I've heard it makes lovely socks and shawls, and many knitters swear by it. But in the name of all that's holy, don't wear it on your ass!

Because this is the ugliest pair of clown pants I've seen in a loooong time.

If you want to knit them, seek professional help. If that doesn't work, you can find the pattern here.

Movie Report: "Touch of Evil"

One of the last, great film noir classics of the golden age of Noir. Maybe Orson Welles' last masterpiece.

And Charlton Heston as a Mexican??

This 1958 film is full of contrasts, the sublime versus the ridiculous. A tale of murder, corruption and betrayal on the U.S.-Mexico border, "Evil" makes the dark streets even darker and adds a twisted streak of humor and style.

Welles, looking far older he was at the time, makes himself massive, monsterous and strangely sad as a corrupt cop. Heston ... well, he ain't no Mexican, but he brought an eager earnestness to the part of a crusading public safety official. And Marlene Dietrich's world-weary sadness was perfect for a small, pivotal role. Apparently, she filmed all her scenes in one day as a favor to Welles.

A moment of technical brillance -- the opening scene is a continual, 3 1/2 moving shot that adds tension and drama to the simplest action. A moment of bizzare indulgence -- the drug scene.

Unfortunately, once the studio got ahold of this movie, they butchered it. From what I understand, the original cut was almost unwatchable. Welles wrote an extensive memo on what needed to be done to fix it -- he was ignored. When that memo was found again in the late 1990s, the film was recut and restored. That's the version you'll find on TV (this was a late-night Showtime viewing for me) and DVD today. Yea for the restorers!

Gritty and black as midnight.

Anime Report: Gunsmith Cats

Ya'll remember my DVD player woes, right?

I bought a new one. One that's not a $25 piece of Wal-Mart crap. So I had to test it.

Unfortunately, my copy of Gunsmith Cats is probably the most scratched DVD I own. (It was an eBay buy.) Fortunately, my new player runs it without a hitch.

I love Gunsmith Cats. It's a babes and booms 1990s anime that makes no apologies for what it offers -- fast cars, big guns and fan service.

The premise? Pistol-packing Rally Vincent and her partner, grenade happy Minnie May Hopkins, infiltrate a gun running operation, burn up the highway in Rally's Shelby GT-500 and duel a psychopathic Russian assassin.

It's only three episodes, which is a little disappointing -- I would have loved to have seen more. But the attention to details like the gun and car designs is top-notch, the action is non-stop, and the jazzy, horn-filled theme sticks in my head for *days* after every viewing.

Old school, but well-worth a watch.

Anime Report: Robotech - New Generation

Watching "Robotech: The Shadow Chronicles" made me all sorts of nostalgic for the old shows. So I pulled out the third series, which had the original attack on Reflex Point.

This is probably my favorite series besides the Macross saga. A base on Mars has launched an invasion force to take back Earth. It ends in disaster -- the vast majority of the force is wiped out by the alien Invid. Scott Bernard, one of the only survivors, gathers a small band of freedom fighters and battles his way across the continent to Reflex Point, the Invid's main base. If it can be taken out, humans can reclaim their home.

There were things I loved about this show -- the mechas are some of the best of any in Robotech, Rook is hot and deadly, and Lancer (Yellow Dancer) is ten times cooler than Minmae ever *thought* of being. He's a better singer, too. And you've got to love how the spokes on his Cyclone turn into hand blasters.

There's a good ... desperate feel to their quest, too. They argue, they've got to scrounge for supplies and weapons, and they battle hostile humans as much as they do the Invid. The battles are small groups of mechs -- more personal than the major space battles that came before. And the story doesn't seem to have as much filler as the earlier series did.

OK, so Mint is fricking annoying, but she's not too much of a focus. I can handle that -- the rest of the story is classic.

Movie Report: "Ghost Rider"

Ridin' through the streets with his head on fiiiireeee!

I'll admit my taste in comics tends more to fantasies and capes than leather and chains.

That being said, I've been reading the re-launch of the Ghost Rider comic, and I was pretty stoked to see the movie. And for the most part, I liked it.

The action rocked, with spectacular special effects. GR looked as cool as he should. Peter Fonda is a great tongue-in-cheek choice for the Devil, I like seeing Sam Elliot in *anything*, and for the most part, while the story conflated the old and new Ghost Rider stories, it was a decent adaptation.

But not all was perfect. Nicolas Cage played Johnny (off the bike) as a borderline idiot savant with the mentality of a kid and a Southern accent thick enough to spread on a biscuit. Eva Mendez, as Roxanne, had a thankless role -- she was there for boobs, and hers were shown frequently and promiently.

But my biggest problem was with Blackheart. He didn't look, sound or act *evil.* He struck me as an emo little mathlete with an overdose of black eyeliner, acting out to get daddy's attention. He didn't need to be beat down by the Devil's Bounty Hunter -- a good spanking would have done the job.

But "Ghost Rider" was a fun ride -- one I'll take at least once more before forming a final opinion. Some flicks just need a second look.

Anime Report: Robotech - The Shadow Chronicles

Ahh, Robotech -- my old friend! Welcome back!

It's been more than 20 years since there was any new Robotech. I hope this feature movie is the start of much more to come. (This would be a *great* kickoff to a new TV series or series of movies.)

Picking up during the events of the end of the Invid invasion and the attack on Reflex Point, the movie follows the RDF's point of view. With a mix of old-school animation and modern computer graphics, "Shadow Chronicles" captures the nostalgia for the old, and the thrill of the new.

It's obvious this was made by fans of the series -- there are no plot holes, and no major retcons. And the vast majority of the original voice actors are back, with some new players like Mark Hamill and Chase Masterson. The music is beautiful, and very evocative of the series -- I hope Harmony Gold releases this soundtrack.

Now, I didn't get to see all the old friends I wanted to, and that disappointed me. (Where is the majority of the SDF-3 crew?? I miss you, Lisa!) But there was also *no* sign of Minmae or Mint, so I was happy about that.

I was lucky enough to see this on the big screen at Key Cinemas. I've already purchased the DVD.

Robotech is back now!

Movie Report: "Strange Days"

Ever watch a movie or read a book that predicts what the "future" will be like after that "future" has already passed?

So it is with "Strange Days." The 1995 movie is set in the days surrounding Dec. 31, 1999. And as far as I know, we don't have electrodes attached to our heads that can record our emotions and experiences for playback. So much's the pity.

Anachronism aside, this is a pretty good sci-fi/action flick, with strong performances by Ralph Fiennes as a washed-up ex-cop turned memory pusher and the underappreciated Angela Bassett (looking very buff, btw) as the bodyguard/driver/single mom who keeps saving his ass because she's not-so-secretly in love with him. Michael Wincott plays a bad guy, because that's what he's born to do. An actor with that voice will never play the harmless pet shop owner. And Juliette Lewis is the singer Fiennes is mooning over, even though she's nothin' but trouble and isn't even that nice to him.

Solid writing and superb timing -- you can see the hand of James Cameron in this. There's always something going on in the background of every shot -- it makes the movie feel more alive, more real. And the chaos of the rave at the end is perfect -- really pumps up the ending.

It's not the future, but it's not bad.

Anime Report: Sumomomo Momomo, Episodes 1-5

So Rosebride is obsessed with gray market anime -- she's been downloading it like crazy. This was one of the first ones she actually managed to burn to DVD, and we were watching it a few months after it first aired in Japan. Ahh, the power of the Internet.

Momoko Kuzuryuu is a martial-arts crazed, super-strong girl living in the mountains with her father, who is one of the best martial artists in the world. Dad tells her one day that since she's a girl, she'll never master the family's secret techniques, and it is her job to go to the city and bear a child by the strongest warrior in the world.

Oh yeah, she's like fourteen.

So off she goes, to bed the "strongest warrior," a kid by the name of Koushi Inuzuka. He's the son of Momoko's father's best friend. He's also a complete wimp who freezes in fear at any sign of violence and is constantly studying so he can be a laywer.

Despite Koushi's adamant refusal to marry her and his subsequent displays of cowardice, Momoko falls in love with him and swears to remain in his house and train with his father in order to become the strongest fiancee ever.

This is over-the-top slapstick in the Ranma theme. Big action, big stunts, and broadly-drawn characters. It is also pretty damn funny.

Momoko offers herself up at any opportunity, whipping out her heart-covered futon in the middle of the street and begging for a little action. She even serves herself -- naked, of course -- as the platter for a sushi dinner, all to no avail. The series even makes a comparison of Koushi and Momoko's relationship as a master and a faithful dog. Momoko's the dog.

There's wild assassination plots, a superhero in a costume that would make Kekko Kamen blush, rent struggles and runaway zoo animals. What else could you want?

I Made It! Irish Hiking Scarf

Check me out! OK, my camera skills suck, but the scarf rocks!

Flush with success from my cabled bobble headband, I needed more cables ... now.

And since I hadn't made anything yet for my most beloved sweetie, a scarf seemed to be in order. He's a nice sweetie -- he'll use/wear anything I make him. ;-)

I am officially the last knitter on the Internet to make the Irish Hiking Scarf. Whatever. It's cozy and pretty and people were admiring it when it was still on the needles. And after six and a half feet of scarf, I think I've got this cable thing *down*.



The specs: Made with my size 5 Denise interchangables, which is a smaller needle than the pattern calls for, but the yarn was very thin. Sweetie picked out Reynolds Whiskey in Teal (color 53) on our trip to the yarn store, and I used all of two balls for the scarf.

In hindsight, it might have worked better if I had used something worsted weight -- this is a thin yarn, soft and snuggly but better suited to fair isle or something like that. Since it's frikking *freezing* in Indiana right now, I'm wondering if this would be better suited to a warmer climate, and if I should make him another one in something thick and arctic.

But he says he likes it, so hey ... if he's happy, I'm happy.